I'm new here.  I've been with my fiance' for 15 years, we've had a handful of threesomes in the past, with little jealousy on my part (a little is normal I think, but nothing destructive)  He has been leaning towards Poly for a bit, and I've allowed him to foster certain relationships with other women, nothing sexual other than some cuddling and smooches.  These women are usually Fixer Uppers, they've been chewed up and spit out by the world and he shows them that they have value as a person, not just sex and that they deserve better than what they've been settling for.  I LOVE that he's able to do this for them, I truly do.  Our sex life has been dwindling the past few years, with him putting on some extra pounds (as is common as we age) and lower testosterone the drive isn't in full gear.  I go out of my way to make him feel sexy and wanted.  He knows that if we never had sex again I would still love him and that it is just one aspect of our lives together.  I don't want him to feel pressure to perform. 

He's recently developed a relationship with another woman in our circle of friends who's has zero self esteem and, to be honest, a bit annoying to me.  She's nice and all but at 35 the cute ditz rebel act is tired.  I haven't shared this view with him because it doesn't matter.  I do enjoy her company in small doses.  Most of my annoyance is I can't relate to people that won't assert themselves (which is where the draw is for him to "Save" her)

They have not had sex.  He says they have only fooled around 'a little'.  I didn't ask for specifics.  We are very open and honest with each other with our feelings.  I never want him to have sex with someone else.  Like ever.  I also don't want him to suppress himself.  His 1st wife kept him on such a short leash he was miserable.  He couldn't even LOOK at another woman without it turning into an issue.  Part of what attracted us to each other is our flirtatious nature, it is unrealistic for either of us to assume that aspect of our lives would go away simply because we're nuts about each other.

I've started reading More than Two and it's helping a bit.  What's the problem?  I am stuggling between acceptance and jealousy and feeling not enough.  Rational mind has done some research and I understand it's wiring in the brain.  Some day's I think I can handle it  and other days I'm in a hole and just want to cry all day.  I work VERY hard to work through this in my head when I'm in the hole because I know I will come out of it and I don't want him to feel that he constantly has to reassure me.  

I could really use some guidance on how to make my Mono-Poly relationship work without us both having to compromise too much of ourselves.