Polyamory Community Group
A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...
I'm having a real hard time with my first poly relationship. General background, I'm the meta to a 26 yr marriage. Been involved for about a year. Recently it has come out that the husband has been hiding a relationship from his wife for 4 years. Since everything has been laid open about two months ago, the new meta has moved in with them. I have very strong feelings about what the husband did which is driving a wedge between me and the wife. Recently I've been feeling like im being cut out of the relationship altogether. Minimal communication with anyone, no invites to family functions where I had been considered family prior to. How am I being punished for someone else's mistake?
this being my first poly relationship, im still learning the ins and outs, but my understanding is that if there's to be a change/addition to the core relationship, all parties should be informed and not blindsided. Should it not have been discussed with me before the new meta was offically brought into the fold and then again before she moved in?
what do I do? I don't want to lose the relationship because someone else cheated...
So I delved into the history of polyamory and started communicating with all kinds of people, including the husband of the woman who had coined the term in the first place.
This could be a long conversation, but ultimately, if truth requires some sort of correspondence between a claim and objective reality, then that route will over time and with some study, answer all your questions for you.
So my suggestion is that if you can eliminate those problems from what your version of "poly" means to you, and can reach an agreement on that with whoever it is you're in a relationship with, then you'll both have a very clear idea about what what needs to be done to navigate through it as smoothly as possible..
Now to answer your question the best I can communication in any relationship is absolutely key. I'd definitely have a conversation with her if you feel her problem is with you. And then I'd have a conversation with both of them. How you are being treated is absolutely unfair to you if you did nothing wrong. And at the same time he should probably take stand up for you in a way because he was wrong for what he did
Now to answer your question the best I can communication in any relationship is absolutely key. I'd definitely have a conversation with her if you feel her problem is with you. And then I'd have a conversation with both of them. How you are being treated is absolutely unfair to you if you did nothing wrong. And at the same time he should probably take stand up for you in a way because he was wrong for what he did.