Polyamory Community Group
A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...
Hi and thank you for reading - I'm new to this group but am hoping to find an understanding community and one that I can help support as well. Sorry for the long post...
For the past 5 years, my fiancee and I have invited others into our bed - couples or women - and have always been partners in this nonmonogamous sexual activity. He stated his desire for this and thought monogamy is my preference, I do enjoy what we've had with the occasional partner or couple. He always said sex is just sex but he enjoys exploring that with me.
Recently he decided something was missing from the more casual encounters and hoped to find someone who could be a friend and a sexual partner. I am NOT someone who texts or desires building relationships like these online (in person, yes) and he found a girl he really connected with. After a few months of talking to her constantly (and us playing) I approached him with my concern with the inevitability of emotions on their part in the way we were proceeding. He told me he did have strong feelings for her and not long later they both voiced that they love eachother. I have spent and talked with her a lot less and so our friendship is newer though we connis is what is right and i have tried to support him.
If I want him to be happy, which I do, I know I need to help him on this journey. Our relationship is so solid, and that's perhaps why it's such a struggle because it was the one stable thing in both our lives no matter what and I understand this isn't because of me but I feel like their 3 months of constant talking has put them far ahead of the friendship her and I have (he wants us all to be together during sexual encounters and dates and we've all agreed that's best for us all).
I dont know how to control my feelings when I feel blindsided by the change in dynamics and speed in which it happened and how it feels like everything in our relationship has now melded with someone else- activities I try to do with him are now also with her, there is no real privacy as everything we do is talked about with her as well and it feels like nothing is just ours anymore.
Im trying to work through emotions but it's tough and there are times I think I may not be able to do this but how do you think that when our relationship is so strong - trust, communication, passion, love, friendship, partnership.... I want to work through my emotions but I have a lot of anger and sadness and confusion that I can't express because I do want to be supportive.
My suggestion is to call a meeting between you all so that you can communicate your feelings in a healthy way. It's okay to communicate that you feel angry, without acting out angily.
This will be a challenge, but know that you're not the only one who is supposed to be supportive. Also have some suggestions on what they can do to be more supportive for you.
If they aren't receptive, then you may have to accept that the relationship isn't one that works for you. If that turns out to be the case, what you would do next would depend on knowing what you want and what your options are.