Polyamory Community Group

A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...

267 Members
153 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Polyamory Support Group

So lost and confused

Angeleyez36
Angeleyez36

I'm new to this whole poly world and need some serious advice. I've been married to my husband over 2 years now and I love him very much I recently ran into an ex girlfriend and she informed me that she was still in love with me and I felt the same way about her. My husband suggested that I move her in with us and I can have them both but there is a lot of thoughts and mixed feelings about that whole thing. How do you know what boundaries to set or if this is even the right thing for you? Someone please help me 

RAWR83
RAWR83
Hi Angeleyez36! I've been a part of the poly world for quite sometime now and the first thing I would recommend you do is set some ground rules to help guide the formation of boundaries. The first and foremost is honesty. Complete and total honesty about everything with each other. With you and your husband, with you and your ex girlfriend, and with your husband and ex girlfriend. After that, none of you should set a boundary or create a rule that you don't intend to follow yourself. You all have to be willing to talk about the difficult moments and tension that will naturally arise so you can come to an agreement and compromise when needed. One boundary that my husband and I have with my boyfriend is that the marriage is between my husband and I. I may talk about what my husband and I are going through with my boyfriend and ask his advice but any decision about our marriage is ultimately up to us. I hope this helps get the ball rolling for you and remember to be patient. :-)
Angeleyez36
Angeleyez36
Thank you
But my husband is leaving all the boundaries up to me to make. And I don't even know where to start with it all. My insecurities have got me torn as to how I want this whole thing to go. All I do know is that I am truly in love with both of them and want both of them in my life and don't want to have to choose between either one. All these thoughts of this whole thing keeps running in my mind everyday.
luv_bobxie
luv_bobxie
Hi Angeleyez,

Thanks for sharing. I know how difficult it can be trying to sort through the different emotions of relationship issues, especially those of polyamory.

There are so many unanswered questions and anxiety that follows. However, it looks like the ball is in your court in this particular situation. You call the shots, you make the rules. I would say that makes things slightly easier on your end. Let love be your guide. Who's to say you HAVE to choose between one or the other at this moment?

My advice to you would be to let nature take its course one day at a time and focus on the overall end goal you'd like to achieve. If your husband or gf are willing to join you for the ride, thats great! Fact of the matter is you can't make everyone happy. You have to look out for yourself first! Eventually others will gravitate towards your energy and either accept you or not accept you.

Best of luck, babe.