Hi All,

Three months ago, I broke up (mutually) with the man and woman I had been dating for 1.5 years.  It's been prbly the toughest thing I have ever had to go through, tbh.  I'm 33 and they are both 46, so we have different perspectives and lifestyles that differ.  We want to all reamin friends, but that's what makes it hard.  I am especially close with the woman, who I have known the longest and we also work together.

The main reason we broke up is that some big needs of mine were not being met (took me a whillle to realize this).  They are not married but are serious life partners and were already together for two years before they invited me into the relationship.  They had never been in a poly relationship together and had not been planning or pursuing one at all until they met me.  They are also parents of three teenagers (two of his and one of hers).  About three or four months into the relationship, we decided they should tell his two kids about us (since they all live in the same house and I had been over pretty regularly for a few months now).  I was not present when they told them, but apparently the convo did NOT go over well with them.  Since that day I was never able to sleep over and only hung out there for events or holidays (unless the kids were out of town).  We worked it out so that I got a closer apartment and they came over (together or individually) about 2-3 nights a week...but could never spend the night with me (major need that could not be fulfilled).  We had sex, etc. but I needed more companionship and time.  They could also never really spend any time with me on weekends because the kids were around. 

Another complication (or need not met) that happened throughout the relationship was that they both wanted to keep everything very private.  We each only told one or two friends.  I told my (very Catholic) family, because I hadn't even come out to them that I was bisexual, so felt I might as well be open about my relationship.  That was hard, but it has only made our relationships stronger.  They never told their families and would always keep it secret at parties, etc.  This upset me over time, since I want to be able to celebrate being in a relationship and not feel like I had to lead a secret life all the time.  I really felt like the odd-man out many times at social functions, especially when the rest of the world thought that they were the married couple and I was just their friend they play in a band with.  This actually caused a lot of anxiety within me and I constantly felt confused and anxious about my personal life.

I am still very attached to them both, but have come a lonnng way the past few months by going to therapy and talking things through with my therapist, who has helped me manage anxiety and this break-up.  

Part of me wants to talk to them and see if maybe we could re-open the relationship to just sex or something.  Maybe when the kids leave their house in 2-3 years we could get back together again?  I just don't know if that's a good idea or if it's just my healing heart talking.

Has anyone else experienced a poly-breakup like this or can relate in any way?  I'm really having a hard time and it hurts a lot to love someone that you can realistically only be friends with.  Any insight or advise?  Thanks!