Polyamory Community Group
A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...
I suppose NEED isn't the proper word, but want. My whole life, I've never been attracted to only one person. I had a serious boyfriend in high school, madly in love with him, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to flirt or even have sex with other people. For the longest time, I thought something was seriously wrong with me. How could I be attracted to someone else if I loved my boyfriend? I didn't know of anyone else who thought the way that I did.
Im older, now, and thankfully have come to learn about alternative ways of having a relationship, like polyamory, and that I am definitely not alone in the way that I feel. The problem is, I am in a serious relationship with someone who wants to be strictly monogamous without question about it. (Not even a threesome!!!!!)
Ive been with him for four years. We got together when I was 21, and he was 22. I didn't want to get in a relationship with anyone at the time because I was still getting over my ex from high school. Low and behold, here I am, living with him, four years later. He's my family.
Ive basically broken up with him once a year, always for the same reason. I feel trapped. I want my freedom. I want to be able to talk to people without feeling guilty. I want to live without feeling guilty. I want to be with a woman. I want to be with a different man. I thought I was developing feelings for someone else. I never hooked up with anyone else during our break ups, and he never knew that I wanted to.
And today, I am going through that sick and cyclical phase, once again. My boyfriend is my very best friend. He's the sweetest and the funniest person that I know. Not to mention, extremely handsome and smart. Clearly, I am very fond of him. But I have a little crush on someone else right now and can't help but feel this deep, gut-wrenching guilt about it. Also, I can't get rid of the crush. It's just how I feel. I asked my boyfriend last week if we could open our relationship just to allow flirting, but he quickly shut it down and told me that if I felt that way, he doesn't want to be with someone like me.
Now, it is up to me to decide to suppress these feelings that keep making their way into my life and continue on with my relationship, or cut myself free. I'm scared. I afraid that I'll be throwing away an amazing relationship for nothing. I'm afraid no one is going to see me the way he does.
I know this isn't a riveting story, but maybe someone has some insight?
Keep your communications open with him, let him know how much he means to you.
If you allow yourself to explore your feelings he may leave. But assure him that you would love to have him back after he heals.
You are doing yourself harm repressing these feelings.
I saw it this easy and told her exactly the same. This is who she is. She can only be true to herself. I can’t tell her what to do. All I can do is control my own response to her actions. That she should be herself and explore. If at any time it becomes to much for me I will walk away.
That was the only way I saw possible. So far it is working. Difficult. An adjustment. But working. As far as I can tell anyway. I know I’m loved by her completely. Seen wothout illusion. That was a powerful thing. Boundaries are still being figured out. But
My advice is be true to yourself and let him see how he responds. Becuase being woth him and lying is a recipe for disaster
english83 - That's really awesome of you to let your girlfriend be who she wants to be. You're right, I want to present how I feel to my boyfriend, and he can decide if he wants to stay.