Polyamory Community Group
A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...
I'm seeing posts by women writing about how they feel crappy because of their partner's polyfuckery.
I have absolutely no doubt that some, or even many,, people find polyamory to make sense for the way they experience love and connectedness.
I also strongly suspect that some, or even many, people experience it as rejection and basically an ultimatum that partner 'a' is now going to have multiple relationships so it becomes partner 'b' s job to get used to it.
Which to me, sounds like cheating but making someone grant you permission or risk being a scold.
So. Humans being flawed and fucked up as we are. I would really love it if someone with a successful and loving poly relationship would validate that not everyone who claims to be poly practices it with love and respect. Just like lots of couples do monogamy well, and probably as many or more do it badly.
Thank you.
In fact, I used to self-identify as poly, but after encountering a lot of hypocrisy and self-serving bias on the part of people who were ignoring the core principles and simply using it to further their own sexual exploits, I decided that a new designation was needed.
Now I refer to myself as neo-poly. To really get a sense of how all this came about, I would suggest you visit my page: http://polyamory.today/index.html
There's no question that people both inside and outside poly community have varied and conflicting views about what constitutes polyamory. In my experience, very few of them have any rationale for why they think they are or are not poly, Most seem to think it just means doing whatever they think is right for them, which is where the trouble begins.
But don't get me wrong. I'm not saying people should have the right to do what they think is right for them. They just need to recognize that using the poly label may not be accurate, and instead of getting all upset over that, do a little homework, apply a little critical thinking. and behave accordingly.
The bottom line here is that polyamory is the most honest approach to romantic relationships I can think of. But there's also no shortage of bad actors and misinformation. Please don't blame that deficiency on polyamory as a concept. Other relationship models, particularly monogamy, are no better or worse, and on top of that, have their own collections of bad actors.
Come on.. how about off some advice. Or not.
Perhaps this is because I've never been one of those "just do as your told" type people. I have always needed to understand the reasons why we're supposed to think this way or that way. Maybe that's not always the right approach. Maybe there are times when advice or a hug is enough. I don't know.
This is just my way of offering something I think can help. Others like yourself are free to offer your perspectives. So by all means, if you have advice to give, go ahead. I promise I won't be the one to sue you for practicing any kind of social work without a license.
Yes, there's tons of polyfuckery and immature and harmful behaviour within polyam relationships and communities too. It's not a 'more evolved' form of relating, just a more complex one, and sadly the complexity lends itself to sloppiness at times.
However, for all the shitty things happening, there are also lots of really incredible, healthy, thriving polyamorous relationships too, and lots of resources out there to help people be slutty to their hearts content without hurting or harming anyone!