Welp Retnuh... I wish I could give you solid advice as I am in a similar situation except I’m probably Dan in the situation. I will say this, love even in it’s single form is hard but to add another person is a monster in its own. My question to you would be given the length of time you’ve known them both, would it be far fetched to let go of Dan? He’s not obviously into sharing and to ask him to do that in a very new relationship could be unreasonable. But knowing that your love is expandable and Ben is understanding, you could see where things go with Ben, learn more about yourself and maybe someone else will come along or maybe you and Ben would not feel a need to have additional people in the relationship. Just my unprofessional thoughts.

I'm in a similar situation, with a few differences. I'm married and didn't realize until recently that I am and always have been polyamorous. I am deeply and madly in love with my husband but recently I fell for someone else. Very similar, we hit it off as really good friends but in a short time we realized that we have a intense deep connection. The new guy (lets call him M) is bisexual and polyamorous as well. My husband (Call him J) is monogamous through and through. After much deliberation and a very long story made very short, J has decided that he cannot handle the fact that I am polyamorous, he will never be okay with me living a poly lifestyle and further more he can't accept M and I even being friends.

So now I sit, married - with a daughter, wonderful life, beautiful home, multiple businesses...everything in my life that I should be so happy about. Yet I'm crying and heartbroken because M has been ripped from my life.

So I guess my advice, not good advice mind you is this; figure yourself out first. Are you polyamorous by nature or are you in love with two men in this situation alone?

If you're polyamorous by nature, if you really feel like you want and need more than one meaningful and romantic relationship in your life then that is probably something Dan is not equipped to give you but Ben might be. It would hurt like hell I'm sure to give Dan up but if the best way for YOU to be happy is to love more than one man then this is the answer for you most likely.

If you are in love with these two men and only these two men then it becomes so much more difficult.... Dan has told you he can't accept you loving and potentially dating both of them at the same time. He may try but this will likely never change, So then you have to decide who you can't live without. Its a horrible and painful choice that is not going to feel good no matter what you do but you will need closure for everyone involved.

Now the piece of decent advice I can give you. People come in and out of our lives constantly. We can make or force any one to see things or feel a certain way. We have no control over any one else. The only thing we have control over is ourselves. When other people come in and out of our lives the only person truly standing with you is yourself. You HAVE to take care of you first and foremost and you have to be the most authentic version of you. This line from a movie I watched recently really spoke to me : "Never use a borrowed voice. If you spend your whole life being someone else, who's going to be you?"

We live in a world were somehow taking care of ourselves is 'selfish' and seeking our own happiness about all else is a bad thing, this theory doesn't make sense. If you won't look out for and take care of yourself then who will? You need to be your own number one and let the people in your life add to that not take away from it. Be confident, be strong, be beautiful and love yourself above all else.

Wordy I know, but I hope it helps even if it just lets you know that You. Are. Not. Alone.