It's been more than a couple of years yet I'm still grieving my dead dog. 

I still am not able to accept that she died.

On the outside, she appeared average. Far from an "old" dog even though she was a bit up there in age. 

She was having some health issues that ultimately claimed her life. 

We had such an incredible and unique bond. She was like an old soul and a wise dignified dog. I loved and still love her dearly. 

Sometimes I'd joke around and tell my family she was a human in her past life because for a dog she was so perceptive of emotions and intentions. 

I want her back though. I know I have to let her go but I just can't. It still makes my voice quiver and brings sadness to my heart when I think of her. I still want to cry. Just one more chance to hug her, kiss her and tell her how much I love her.

The thing is, her death was not sudden. She had been showing "signs" for quite sometime. 

Even the weekend she died, she was having a severe flare-up that wouldn't go away and caused me to take her to the emergency vet. So I had ample time with her to prepare my self mentally and emotionally and yet I still feel so raw and vulnerable about her death. 

Even the day the doctor told me shes basically brain dead, i still had about five hours after that with her while she still alive. 

I should consider my self blessed and lucky in that I had time with her. 

But I feel like she was taken from me too soon. I feel it's an injustice and that she did not deserve to die so soon. 

I also feel some guilt because I had been spending extra time with my significant other the last few years of her life and she noticed ....

So sad...just can't get over her