passive-aggressive Community Group
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible or "conveniently forget". It is a defense mechanism sometimes subconscious bahavior taking over. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so...
It wasn't until the last few years I realized that my husband is Passive&Aggressive, and I think that led to his cheating on me, I read an interesting article where it stated that the probable or most probable reason he cheated on me was to get back at me , I think he wanted me to find out , he didn't really do much to hide it to a degree I mean he didn't flaunt it but I didn't have to look really hard once I realized that something was not right .
The article stated that cheating is fairly common among passive aggressive men, its a severe form of punishment.
I've been dealing him and this behavior for 20 years, only realizing the last 10 or so that he was P&A. In the beginning when I first found this out I was relieved that I finally found out that it's not me I am not crazy ,I am not a lousy wife and mother ,and I wasn't imagining that something was wrong .But not I am not sure about being relieved anymore I feel duped, lied to , the article that stated the same thing about the infidelity also stated that most PA men marry strong independent women who are capable of expressing themselves and their anger , where as they can not , we become the scapegoats, the whipping posts, taking the brunt of the anger in the marriage, that's how I feel.
I have never felt more alone in my life as I have the last two years. I hide how I feel, I cry to and from work because I am so lonely, I watch my co workers who text back and forth with their husbands and partners, phone calls ,I work 2nd ,at my new job, before that I worked 3 rd at the same job ,I asked my why my husband does not call me or text me ," I don't text ." But yet he would sit and text back and forth to his friend in Florida I think that was punishment for me asking him why he didn't text me and that how all the other women I work with their husbands text them, I know it sounds petty and stupid , for crying out loud it's just texting right ? But that compiled on all the other stuff, I feel like I am being buried alive, I have to keep everything to my self if I open my mouth then it just makes it worse I get the silent treatment , or worse. He does not yell we do not fight ,no raised voices, he's not physically abusive, it's just nothing sometimes i wished he would yell at me, at least it would be something , some kind of interaction. He just has no empathy, or if he does he does not let it show ,if I have a headache he has a brain tumor. I once complained about my back hurting , and it did, I spend 8+ hours on my feet, or longer, heavy lifting bending, he trumped me , because he was diagnosed as having three bulging discs in his neck so I got 'the "Well I have 3 .... you don;t see me complaining. " I wasn't complaining my back really hurt , i just mentioned it.
Its just getting worse as the years go by, I feel like I am just here but invisible. I am not writing this to complain or nag I have no one to talk to , absolutely no one to talk to , I could write a 1000 paragraphs and still not breach the surface. I cry at night , laying right next to him and he completely ignores me ,that is what blows my mind ,he can lay there and go to sleep or he gets angry and goes and sleeps on the couch, instead of just asking me what's wrong and let me talk, he shuts me down ,ignores me, he treats me as if I am this constant problem in his life that he has to "take care " of that is what he tells his family. He tells his family I am the reason why we have no money, we can't go vacationing with them, why our house is liteally falling apart, and it not even close to the truth, it's because I ask him to take care of something he does the opposite, instead of spending the $500 we had saved for windows and to fix the roof he goes out and buys a hovercraft, I have to do the home repairs or ask my brother to help me , who is livid, I had to climb up on the roof and try and replace the shingles and the neighbor guy came running over upset and went up there and did it for me ,when he mentioned it my husband ,he went right up there to finish what was left he didn't want to look bad in front of the neighbor guy but yet ,I 'd asked him for 6 years to fix that part of the roof. Our bedroom window is literally falling out we have no glass in the top half ,I have several layers of plastic over it ,it's November in Michigan ,he spent $400 on stuff for his hovercaft, I ask about the window I am met by a blank expression I asked the neighbor guy to help me order the new window and how to measure , my husband flipped out and said that was not necessary , I am not exaggerating I wish I was, this is the honest to god truth.
The only thing he cares about is how it makes him look the only thing he's said to me about any of the home repairs not that 'I will take care of it ASAP, but do you know how this makes ME look, what our neighbor things of ME now , " I finally exploded and screamed throwing stuff ,"THEN FIX THE HOUSE, IT"S FALLING APART" I dont care how it makes you look, someone had to fix it ,has to fix it ,I feel like I am losing my mind . Then I get a weeks worth of silent treatment followed by him going out and buying something really stupid and expensive ,
I have been thinking I really need to reevaluate my life ,I have a good job now ,full time with benefits, I dont know if I can go another 20 years like this. Sorry I needed to vent.
The article stated that cheating is fairly common among passive aggressive men, its a severe form of punishment.
I've been dealing him and this behavior for 20 years, only realizing the last 10 or so that he was P&A. In the beginning when I first found this out I was relieved that I finally found out that it's not me I am not crazy ,I am not a lousy wife and mother ,and I wasn't imagining that something was wrong .But not I am not sure about being relieved anymore I feel duped, lied to , the article that stated the same thing about the infidelity also stated that most PA men marry strong independent women who are capable of expressing themselves and their anger , where as they can not , we become the scapegoats, the whipping posts, taking the brunt of the anger in the marriage, that's how I feel.
I have never felt more alone in my life as I have the last two years. I hide how I feel, I cry to and from work because I am so lonely, I watch my co workers who text back and forth with their husbands and partners, phone calls ,I work 2nd ,at my new job, before that I worked 3 rd at the same job ,I asked my why my husband does not call me or text me ," I don't text ." But yet he would sit and text back and forth to his friend in Florida I think that was punishment for me asking him why he didn't text me and that how all the other women I work with their husbands text them, I know it sounds petty and stupid , for crying out loud it's just texting right ? But that compiled on all the other stuff, I feel like I am being buried alive, I have to keep everything to my self if I open my mouth then it just makes it worse I get the silent treatment , or worse. He does not yell we do not fight ,no raised voices, he's not physically abusive, it's just nothing sometimes i wished he would yell at me, at least it would be something , some kind of interaction. He just has no empathy, or if he does he does not let it show ,if I have a headache he has a brain tumor. I once complained about my back hurting , and it did, I spend 8+ hours on my feet, or longer, heavy lifting bending, he trumped me , because he was diagnosed as having three bulging discs in his neck so I got 'the "Well I have 3 .... you don;t see me complaining. " I wasn't complaining my back really hurt , i just mentioned it.
Its just getting worse as the years go by, I feel like I am just here but invisible. I am not writing this to complain or nag I have no one to talk to , absolutely no one to talk to , I could write a 1000 paragraphs and still not breach the surface. I cry at night , laying right next to him and he completely ignores me ,that is what blows my mind ,he can lay there and go to sleep or he gets angry and goes and sleeps on the couch, instead of just asking me what's wrong and let me talk, he shuts me down ,ignores me, he treats me as if I am this constant problem in his life that he has to "take care " of that is what he tells his family. He tells his family I am the reason why we have no money, we can't go vacationing with them, why our house is liteally falling apart, and it not even close to the truth, it's because I ask him to take care of something he does the opposite, instead of spending the $500 we had saved for windows and to fix the roof he goes out and buys a hovercraft, I have to do the home repairs or ask my brother to help me , who is livid, I had to climb up on the roof and try and replace the shingles and the neighbor guy came running over upset and went up there and did it for me ,when he mentioned it my husband ,he went right up there to finish what was left he didn't want to look bad in front of the neighbor guy but yet ,I 'd asked him for 6 years to fix that part of the roof. Our bedroom window is literally falling out we have no glass in the top half ,I have several layers of plastic over it ,it's November in Michigan ,he spent $400 on stuff for his hovercaft, I ask about the window I am met by a blank expression I asked the neighbor guy to help me order the new window and how to measure , my husband flipped out and said that was not necessary , I am not exaggerating I wish I was, this is the honest to god truth.
The only thing he cares about is how it makes him look the only thing he's said to me about any of the home repairs not that 'I will take care of it ASAP, but do you know how this makes ME look, what our neighbor things of ME now , " I finally exploded and screamed throwing stuff ,"THEN FIX THE HOUSE, IT"S FALLING APART" I dont care how it makes you look, someone had to fix it ,has to fix it ,I feel like I am losing my mind . Then I get a weeks worth of silent treatment followed by him going out and buying something really stupid and expensive ,
I have been thinking I really need to reevaluate my life ,I have a good job now ,full time with benefits, I dont know if I can go another 20 years like this. Sorry I needed to vent.
there is a poem called: A friend is not a friend if....i'll have to find it to post it on here. and there is a book about toxic people. you have to RESPECT yourself and cut all toxic people out of your life. husbands included.
he may also be gay or closet gay or mysogynist as men like that generally are uncomfortable married or simply in relationships with women and they act out. if he is mysogynist (sp.) he is probably dangerous as well.
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE. "the misery of living with someone you loathe."
you only live once. its not worth it. he isn't worth it.