passive-aggressive Community Group
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible or "conveniently forget". It is a defense mechanism sometimes subconscious bahavior taking over. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so...
After just a few years with a second husband who is passive aggressive and after studying his behaviour in depth and comparing him with the first one who was "just" aggressive, I can say on short, that in his case, the most used method in being passive resistent is:
He finds out what I want even what I want is what he wants !!!! (YES...unbelievble, I know)
After he finds out what I want, he begin to ponder how to use my wishes/needs as a leverage to manipulate me, you can actually see it on his face or body language but is not easy, is hard to read his poker face most of the time, but once you get it, is much easier.
After a while(minutes/days/ weeks or months) he will use these "psychological tools" in order to punish me...YES.. even he has nothing to gain but most probably he has to lose, he will use these as a reaction to something I said or done, something that he interpret as being criticism.
The problem is that I will never know when he strike back, it can be after I give him a feedback that he didn't like even he asked for, or it can be an urgent situation when I don't have enough time to spare his fragile feelings or ego. It is possible that he is a covert narcissist also.
So as a result, being assertive for him is equal with being aggressive, asking something is being intrusive, expecting something is being needy, wanting something is being spoiled so there is no way these man will ever have my interest at heart. If he does have any interest in my well being is usualy in a very specific and necessary way in his mind and related with his needs first and second to mine, is all the time a power struggle about whose needs to be met, there is no middle ground, if I get seomthing is for sure because he lost something.
How can I expect to have a working relationship with him ? I feel like being blind and having to follow a map, or being caght in a negotiating game with him with no rules, I don't think he has any empathy for me but OMG he feels for himself! His needs and wishes are not negotiable, many times he said he would die if he is not doing what he feels !!!
