passive-aggressive Community Group
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible or "conveniently forget". It is a defense mechanism sometimes subconscious bahavior taking over. For example, people who are passive-aggressive might take so...
Hello all.. First, sorry for my English.. its not my native language..
I met that guy few months ago.. I really like him and I know he likes me. But he can be so sarcastic.. Sometimes he say thinhs like 'don't you think you're fat?' or 'You will never finish your university'... and then I tell him I don't want him to do that and he answers "it was just a joke, you know I like you".. Sometimes he speaks about other girls or his ex gf and I'm not sure if he's doing that on purpes to make me feel bad.
I feel I cannot have a normal conversation with him about crutial things.. If I start spraking about my plans for future or ask him about his plans and feelings about us, he changes the subject or says "There is no problem, you are overthinking". He also likes gossiping about other people or says something bad about others (even his mother). He blames other people for leaving him and telling they hurt him if they didnt want to be friends or something and never thinks that maybe he did something wrong.. All that made me feel like I'm being crazy and I never know what he thinks and feels.. He promiss me something and doesnt do it and when I tell him Im angry or hurt he says "But I have never promessed, you missunderstood me".
I am trying with 'no contact' period now and i am very sad. I still dont know if he does that on purpes and to hurt me or he just cant behave better way. My close friend told me never to call him again but I don't know what to do. I do have feelings for him and I see he is unhappy and lonely guy and everybody left him. Is that passive agression? And what should I do? Can I help him.. Or I should just turn away.. :(
Thank you all..
After 30+ years with a passive aggressive, I had a really hard time accepting that his treatment of me all these years was purposeful. I mean, I'm a nice decent caring person. How could my husband hurt me like this? It's unbelievable, I must be the crazy one, at least that's what I thought until I spoke to our marriage counselor. She brought it all out into the light. I had been suspecting PA for years, she confirmed it. It was my mistake to think that simply because I treat someone openly and with respect means they will treat me the same way. My bad.
It's no fun being with someone like this. Life is always confusing, you're always being told you misunderstood something or that he never said something. Denial is his best friend. "Forgetting" is his go-to method for avoiding what he doesn't want to do. Your self respect goes down the toilet pretty fast, and most times people who associate with PAs don't even know what's going on because these people have such a nice-guy exterior.
You're pretty enlightened this early in the game. Take your friend's advice, go NC and keep your eyes open for these tendencies with the next guy you want to go out with. I know in my case why I ended up with a PA for so long. I hope you don't stick it out with this guy.