Hey. 

Im not sure how to start this since I just realized that I’m a very passive aggressive person. 

I was at school and my friends always told me that I was great for debating, and you know what I agreed. 

I loved it. You could say whatever and it would be disguised as making an ‘argument’. 

Apparently i was good. I boasted about it. But this week my teacher told me that people from another school are coming. 

I thought it would be easy. Another win, nothing wrong with that. I was cocky and annoying and boasting around. 

Of course when it’s time to debate I’m ready. I had eveything prepared and the opposing school had arrived. 

One of the people on the team we were against looked intimidating. I, unbelieving and unaccepting of the fact that someone could be better than me, stared her down. 

Keep in mind that in general I’m a very loud person, I’m very manipulative and in general just an awful person to be around. I have no sense of embarrassment and I can’t seem to get the idea of manners even if my mom is one of those people where manners come first. 

The debate started, it was going back and forth until a girl interrupted me. I was mad, I didn’t day anything. She then interrupted me again. And another time. By the fourth time my temper had risen so much i was out of control. 

I knew what I was doing was wrong and my mom would be disappointed in me for doing this but I said, “you keep on interrupting me, let me speak”. 

Now i know that’s sounds fine but it was a lot worse in person. 

But since that made her shut up I kept on using it. I would use it everytime she interrupted me. 

Once it was done. We had a tie. I was okay with it until my friends and teacher came up to me and told me I was being too aggressive.

Like any aggressive person I got mad. I didn’t realize the effect it had. Apparently I was so rude and passive-aggressive that they refused to let us compete next time. 

Well later the judge felt bad and let us. But I just realized how much of an awful person I was. I swear I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to win. And I didn’t realize I was being like this. I didn’t realize that I was the one always interrupting. And I hate hypocrites but I soon realized I am one. 

I bashed a girl based on what I do. I refused to join the second time. I feel awful. I don’t know what to do. 

Im not sure what this feeling is but I think it’s guilt and it’s eating me up.