parents of sexually abused children Community Group

This group is to help parents of sexually abused children. While our children's needs always come first, we forget that we need help too. This group is here to help. I myself have children who is victims of sexual abuse and struggle daily, with it. Please join to help support one another.

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stly00 06/10/2018

I feel like a failure. My 5 year old son told me last week that my 11 year old brother (his uncle) has sexually assaulted him. I was in shock when he was telling me the secrets his uncle wanted him to keep. Thinking back he has had a complete behavior change that I never would have thought would have been because of something like this. I feel guilty for disciplining him this whole time when he’s been holding onto this traumatic event. Since he’s told me, he’s been very clingy to me, says strange things to me like “I’m scared to tell the truth”. I try not to push the issue but instead remain supportive and ask open ended questions so if he wants to talk about it more he can but I’m not forcing him to. I’ve received very little help through hotlines ect.. I have reached out to several counselors to get him in to talk to someone. I informed my father of what my son told me. He’s completely torn apart. We believe this has happened to my brother in the past. He tried talking to him but of course he denied everything. He is planning on making him talk to a counselor regardless. I feel bad for my dad because he wants to have a relationship with us like he’s had obviously but I just can’t see myself be around my brother EVER again. My son on the other hand keeps asking to go visit them since he’s told me and even to spend the night which for awhile he was completely against and I never ever forced him to after he was strong in his feelings about staying the night. I thought I was very vigilant about these things as my mother is a survivor of a 10 year sexual abuse trauma but I was wrong. I have so many feelings I am trying to sort everything out. Does any one have any similar experience or any advice on coping while helping my son the best I can to heal?

CasMac1 06/12/2018

Hi you did not fail your son. A monster hurt him, you did not know what was happening. Its what you do after that matter, I would suggest if possible have the person charged. But keep away from the person who hurt your child, If your family does not understand to bad. you do the best you can for your son. Get therapy for your son and yourself. Go to the police and tell them what happened. but know it is a long process and not very nice to have someone charged. some of us have had fantastic results and others have not. Talk to you therapist . good luck. Casey

akw741 06/21/2018

My 5 year old son revealed he was being sexually abused by my 16 year old nephew after my nephew was in juvenile prison for sexually assaulting my 10 year old daughter. My son went through a huge behavioral change, at home, at school and around my nephew before he was sent to JVprison. I know what you’re going through, my whole family is going through it. My son went all around my house and put X marks over my nephews face, and for a long time cried to me asking me why? “Why did he make me do those things?” It’s been 6 months since he came to us and our journey has been really rough. At first I was flooded constantly with many different emotions all at once, and several times a day I just had to sit down and cry. Please don’t put any blame on yourself for this, you didn’t know your brother was going to do this. He needs help so he won’t continue to hurt other children. I’m praying for you, if you ever want to talk I’m here for you anytime.

stly00 06/21/2018

Figuring out how to parent after is so hard. I’m sorry you are going through this as well. My son hasn’t said anything about the incident since he told me and doesn’t seem to hold any resentment or anger towards my brother. I am praying that means it was actually only a one time incident. I can still tell it has affected him through his other behaviors though.

Janewithstrenght 04/27/2021

Your lil brother need sex offenders treatment..he is not safe for your lil boy be around until he successfully finishes the program. That being said I'm in the same boat as it was my ex-husband and his two then step kids. All the same feelings you have I feel awful should have known better because I was molested as a child. You've done everything you can for your child since you knew. being there for your child is the best you can do right now and make sure he is in counseling. do not push anything. He's going to have bad days he's going to not want to do things like wake up for the bus or do his chores. Do your best to keep consistency. And realize that you're going to have bad days. I know from personal experience. would limit who you reach out to for support too. sexual abuse in children really triggers people!!
people will give you weird unsolicited advice. They will judge you and they can leave you feeling worse than when you first reached out to them. This was my downfall. I wish you prayers and all the strength in the world. you can do this and he can be okay later and so can your little brother

Moonbeam31 04/28/2021

Is there a Child Advocacy Program where you live? They should be able to help you navigate some of this. Through the CAC our daughter’s trauma/therapy needed were assessed. They then helped us find a therapist. They also helped us navigate the legal system.

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