parents of sexually abused children Community Group
This group is to help parents of sexually abused children. While our children's needs always come first, we forget that we need help too. This group is here to help. I myself have children who is victims of sexual abuse and struggle daily, with it. Please join to help support one another.
I must say that I am dissapointed in coming here and there not being even one post. I was hoping to not have to tell my story but to just be able to read others and the advice that the group gave. I just learned that my daughter was sexually abused when she was 6 by a 16 year old foster boy that we had living with us. The details she has shared, I cannot get out of my mind. I keep replaying what she described over and over in my head. She didn't tell me for 10 years and only because she had become severely depressed and was making poor choices. We are pursuing the legal route against him, not sure what they can or will do but she goes to speak with an investigator on Friday. She started on an antidepressant as she had made the statement that she would never do anything to kill herself but that she wouldn't mind just going to sleep and not waking up. Since telling me she has not left my side, even sleeping with me. She keeps saying that she doesn't want me to think differently of her and I keep trying my best to reassure her that this was not her forth and that I will always love her and that she is perfect. She is the most amazing kid, so self driven, a great athlete and an honor student. I always thought of her as so strong and cannot believe that she kept this in for this long. She asks me questions like do you think he still thinks about what he did and that he won't come back (he had come back to visit a couple of years ago as an adult to thank us for everything.) He is now married and has two sons. She does not want her father to know that any of this happened (we are divorced and she does not have a great relationship with her). I struggle with not telling him as I would go nuts if he had this information and didn't tell me but I also don't want to hurt her anymore than she has been. Thank you for listening and I would appreciate any advice.
I found out over 5 years ago when my daughter was 8. Yes, the few details I have haunt me as well. I lay in bed at night and work myself up so much that I can't sleep. The guilt I feel even today is incomprehensible and I struggle to push through some days. I still cry a lot and ask why? I simply can't figure out why I didn't know.
The perpetrator was a step-brother and she has never seen him since we found out. We did file charges and two years later he got probation and had to attend counselling. Sadly, at the age of 19 his record was wiped clean and no-one will ever know of the harm he caused. The harm that stole my daughter's childhood, and tore apart our family. He was made to write a letter to his dad and I, as well as to my daughter and the letters were meaningless. All he said to my daughter was that it wasn't her fault. Fortunately, she already knows that. What I wanted for her was an apology and an explanation why it happened. She didn't get either.
I am still currently with the father of the perpetrator, but he has disowned his own son and has no contact with him. This man has become a father to my daughter and like he keeps telling me, he didn't do anything, which is true. But if I hadn't met him, my daughter would not have been abused by his son...again mother's guilt. I have asked her if she would be more comfortable if we left my partner but she always replies "no".
My relationship with the perpetrator's father is irreparably damaged. We are still trying to work through the grieving process but I am unsure of how it will all play out. Bottom line, all I care about is my girl and her future. When I cry now, it is because I am fearful of what the future brings. My daughter has not asked for any counselling so I feel I shouldn't push her. She is well-adjusted, funny, happy...but I am scared that one day it will creep back into her mind and wreak havoc. I have such hatred for the perpetrator and my partner's family who support him. I feel like this is something I will never get over.
Your daughter sounds wonderful. The fact the two of you talk about it is a gift. My daughter and I don't speak of it often and that worries me. You're a tremendous support to your girl so don't forget that!
I wish you strength and comfort in your journey of recovery with your daughter.