New here. The youngest (20) of my three adult sons recently disclosed past sexual abuse perpetrated by his older sibling — my eldest son. This abuse also occurred to my middle son (22), who has not revealed his abuse and has recently recovered from severe alcohol addiction. My eldest son (25) hadn't spoken to me in almost five years, and I had no idea why. Now I do, but perhaps not entirely.

This happened four days ago. After two days of processing this, I lost it on the third day—hyperventilation, vomiting, and what I would describe as almost an out-of-body experience. My surroundings feel unfamiliar — literally, my entire worldview has changed.

I have so many questions. How can I be there for my youngest son, who has disclosed? How do I help the oldest son, who is also a perpetrator of this abuse to his brothers? Do I approach my middle son about this? Or is that dangerous, given his recent recovery? (I'm thinking, yes.) 

And how do I control this emotional roller coaster? The perpetrator is my first ex-husband — my oldest son's father—whom I divorced when he was just a baby. I was so proud of our amicable and cooperative relationship, and now I see that was entirely manipulation on his part. And then I gave him access to my younger children from my second marriage, which ended in divorce years ago. I trusted this person implicitly. It appears that my oldest was acting out the abuse he had been taught by his father on his younger siblings. This went on under my nose for years. How do I fucking live with myself? How do I help them? 

I see a therapist tomorrow, so that's something. I'm just desperate to find anyone who might understand or have past experience that may help guide me in some way. I don't know where to go from here.