I'm so sorry your Mum is not supporting you. It feels like such a betrayal when people stick up for the abuser without thinking much about how it effects the victim. At the Chrisitian school where my son attends and his abuser was a teacher (now sacked), some of the staff there didn't think that she should be charged or go to jail. They didn't know who the victim was, so were only seeing it from their own point of view. I think that they can't really grasp what the offence was in the first place. Anyone who breaks the law, needs to suffer the consequences regardless of remorse or anything else. I don't know what you can do about your Mum. The only thing I can suggest is a heart felt letter that explains how her behaviour has impacted you, and how you feel about it. Unfortunately, we can't change people and make them see things differently. Have confidence that you have done the right thing, which is stick up for your daughter wholeheartedly. Maybe you can't change your Mother, but you can certainly make sure that you will be the Mother that your daughter needs.

I think it is hard to accept that someone you loved and trusted would do something so horrible and so in their mind they kind of dumb it down. Like my father in law when my husband accused him he did not deny it but actually went on to give all the reasons why it wasn't as bad as everyone is making it out to be. Because he only chode family members and stopped when they got so old and so on. They justify it the best way they can in order to live with themselves. I think maybe your Mom is trying to convince herself that it isn't quite so bad because she is the one who brought this man into your lives. He is not your father so to you he is an outsider and if it wasn't for her bringing him in to your home. Maybe she too feels guilt that she did not know this was going on and wants desperately to believe it wasn't so bad so her guilt can stop overwhelming her. Maybe she needs to know that it isn't her fault and she too could have never known he was capable of this. I also agree with KathK that you need to make her understand how this impacted your lives. Understand that it isn't over when the abuse stops or justice is served. Abuse victims wake up everyday and feel the pain and sacrs that are left behind, they try to function and look normal to everyone so that no one sees they are dying inside. Maybe she needs to read up on some of the victims on here and see what hell they live with and some it only happened to once or twice while others for years! I wish you the best of luck, look in your heart and you'll find the answers to your question!

My husbands parents have actually embraced my childrens abusers. My two were abused by their older half siblings. I decided to make it this simple. If you aren't going to believe and support my innocent children then you can not be a part of our life. If you aren't backing us up, then you are incapable of helping in the healing process. To be frank, Grandparents like this are counter productive towards the victims and parents involved.

To TheFairyStepmother, that is a very good way to look at it. Thank you for making it so simple.

Thanks for the words of support. Been a while since I have been on daily strength a saw it pop up in email. My daughter and I still fight this alone. I have not seen my mother in over a year and I miss her very much. I know my daughter suffers because of it and does bring it up about her grandmother every now and then and it hurts. We have been working at her relationship with her father (he is not the offender) and that is getting better. She at least sees her Dad once in a while so she has some family other than me. It is nice to hear the words from others to know that I am doing the right thing in cutting ties. I too believe that is best for her healing. She has a learning disability as well as this to deal with. She is very smart but still at 20 years old has not finished high school and cannot hold a job right now. has not got much for friends and is lonely. She is in summer school but struggles. I would like to see her at least get her high school at least for her self confidence. We joined a group for her asperger's syndrome (part of the autism spectrum) so at least she has that group once a month. She is high functioning and just has trouble with social situations. she is very smart otherwise. thank goodness we are able to access some support this way. thanks ladies for your kind words.

Thanks for answering. We just recently found out that my daughter 18 was molested by her uncle from 5-14. It's very complicated when it's a family member. My in-laws say they believe my daughter, but support the pedofile. I choose not to have them a part of my life anymore. It is more complicated for my husband. I'm wondering about the healing process for my child. Since she's 18, I have little control over the choices that she makes. She is very angry, & has very high anxiety, but is not mentally stable, at this time, to be on her own. She also has no friends & is lonely. She has only recently agreed to therapy, but in her reluctance, unsure how much this will really help her if she's not honest. Seems that you have been dealing w/this for over 3 years? What has worked for you to help you child become more independent/responsible for herself?

Hi folks, I have been away trying to lead a normal life. It still creeps up on us once in a while. I still have not seen my mother except when she dared to show up at my Fathers funeral last November. I hfave a very fragmented family from at least 30 years ago. I was never close to my father or my sisters. My father was an alchoholic and was a mess himself. I am trying to work on my relationship with my younger sister but that one is a strained one as well. So you imagine the funeral was tough enough as it was. I am still looking for answers to why my mother chooses the pedophile over her granddaughter and myself. We do not talk about it much at all but I know my daughter thinks about it once in a while. If she had her grandmother there for her her healing would have been much better. I still once in a while search for articles online about this and there is not much out there. My daughter still tries every day to live a normal life and still has hope which is good. I hope you all are doing better. Take care.

HELLO YOU ARE DOING RIGHT STAYING AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER, WHAT KIND OF WOMAN LOVES A CHILD ABUSER, SHE IS NO BETTER THAN HIM, HOPE THAT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER MAKE A GOOD LIFE FOR YOURSELVES, YOU ARE A GOOD MUM, LOVE LUCY**************