**Because some humor is nice. Don't know about you, but I could use some.**

Because kids don't come with any sort of instruction manual at all, as parents, especially first-timers, we are basically left to our own devices of 'trial and error' to keep our children healthy, happy, and well, alive.
Oh sure, there are a plethora of books out there that lull us into some semblance of security that we have a guide, a bible of knowledge if you will, to fall back on in times of question that tell us when to start solids, when to call the doctor, about first teeth...and on, and on.
But still, as we follow these books, sometimes to a fault, we are bound to make mistakes. We are in fact and indeed human. "Born to make mistakes"... (Thank you Human League. Though, I liked "Don't You Want Me" better.)

I have made my share of interesting parenting mistakes. Nothing horrible, but some very funny--at least they are now, looking back at them. They weren't so full of hilarity at the time.

I figured we could trade war stories. Again, a little humor can never do any harm.

1. When my oldest was about two months old, someone had given me some sort of Christmas scented candle. It was one of those large candles that you could probably leave burning for thirty years and still have some snuff left in it for another thirty. I lit it of course and enjoyed the holiday aroma that wafted around the tiny apartment. After a couple of hours, I noticed a bit of dirt under my daughter's nose. I wiped it away, puzzled at where it might have come from since she was asleep in her bouncy chair for the last few hours. Another fifteen minutes went by and I notice more dirt. Wiped it away again and went to make some dinner. In the kitchen, I noticed black dirt had sprinkled all over the counter tops, the appliances, and much of the floor. Walking around the apartment, I noticed the stuff was EVERYWHERE. What the....?
And then I looked at the candle. The flame was burning the side of its glass container causing a hideous black soot to rise and fall all through the house. We'd been breathing it in for a few hours. Genius. Luckily, no harm was done and I chucked the candle into the trash bin.

2. Oh, this one's a good one.
When my oldest was about a year and a half, I was visiting my sister. One day of the vacation, it was a rather lovely day, and I thought I would take my daughter out for a walk. I only had the tiny folding umbrella stroller with me, and of course it would be just fine.
But...
I also figured I could get some exercise as well for myself. As if the walking wasn't good enough. I had a pair of rollerblades with me and thought, "What a prefect idea". I don't know what on earth I was thinking. Yes, I am a rather athletic person, but this was just completely stupid.
It all started out just fine. That's probably because we were going uphill. But I had to turn around eventually and go DOWNhill. And I did. With my one and a half year old in the ridiculously shaky umbrella stroller (it was a Looney Tunes one, if I remember correctly). There was a moment or two where I was trying to decide if just crashing in the grass would be better than having a wheel catch a small pebble and send us flying onto the concrete. We were going SO FAST. But thank heavens, we made it back without any injuries or deaths. I think this must have been my stupidest decision in the lot.
And I chucked the stroller and the rollerblades into the trash bin. Bad memories.

3. On my oldest daughter's third birthday, I had the flu. But I also wanted to make it a fantastic and wonderful birthday, so I had gone out and gotten all the party supplies and cupcakes and such that I needed to bring to her preschool to surprise her and her classmates.
Though, I thought I was dying with all of the symptoms in the Nyquil commercials and then some. The party went off well, if you don't count my nose running and the probability that I got everyone in the classroom sick, too. Partied out, I took her home so she could have lunch and nap and whatnot.
We got home and she went in her room to play with her new birthday gifts for a bit before lunch and I thought I'd have a small break on the couch before I got up to make the meal. But instead of a small break, I fell asleep for HOURS. I woke up with a start, all the lights were off in the house and it was dark because I had slept well into the evening. All was quiet. This was not good. Note, I still felt like utter crap.
My daughter was asleep in her room. Her new fingerpaints had been used to paint: the walls, the couch, most of her room, and the cat. The cat was at one point white and gray and now he was yellow and blue.
And the worst part: She was so hungry, she had chewed on the coffee table. She CHEWED on the coffee table. And also note, I hadn't even had any medication. I just slept, full-on, for that long without even moving. (Kind of wish I could do that these days.)
I woke her, made her a much better dinner than her lunch, as it seemed...and got on with it.
And didn't chuck anything in the trash bin this time, except I probably should have chucked the cat away. We still have him and he's annoying these days. (kidding, kidding).

So far, I haven't done anything this mad with Ellorie...yet. Hey, there's always time. Though, when she first came home from the hospital, I was insistent on trimming her nails. I don't know why, but the whole time she was in the NICU, I wanted to trim her nails because they seemed so long. So I was eager to do it. She has my husband's fingers, so I wasn't accustomed to trimming that shape (my oldest has my fingers, so there was never a discrepancy). So I'd say, with about three of her fingers, I ended up causing them to bleed. I was mortified at the time, I cried for about an hour. Here, I finally have her safely home, away from gavages (god, i hated that so much), tubes, wire, pricks, and pokes, and I end up cutting the tips of her fingers off. Good job.
Nothing got chucked in the trash bin this time either, but I felt so bad I wanted to chuck myself in.

I am sure there are more insane situations with my older one. I've had her now for nearly seven years...lots of time to make mistakes. I guess she's the "experimental" child. Ellorie will be glad to know that those mistakes won't be repeated with her.

But...as the old adage goes: "To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future."--Plutarch

Or something like that.