Hi all, I am 32 and the mother of and 18 year old and 6 1/2 month old and I suffer from manic depression. I was 13 years old when i had my daughter and was a single mother for 16 years, my boyfriend and i started dating in sept of 14' and he and i were okay with not having kids (i suffer from pcos) and knew i couldnt have kids, until i had to have surgery to remove one of my ovaries because of cyst and after the drs were still saying kids were not possible without fertility, well 4 months after my surgery i got pregnant unexpectingly, i was sooooo scared at first because my daughter was already 18 and out of the house and my bf had always said he didnt want kids. but once i told him he seemed scared at first, but slowly started to come around to us having a baby. but somewhere during my pregnancy it seemed like things had started to change and my guilt about having another baby and giving him the life my daughter never had seemed so unfair to me. i talked to my daughter about everything and she kept telling me she was okay that i was having another baby and that she was excited to finally have a little brother, but my guilt over it all has been killing me, and about 2 months ago i had a horrible breakdown, and since then it seems like my world is crashng down on me and i fear that i am going to lose it all because of one breakdown. i am a stay at home mom for the first time with my son and i have him 24/7 (its never a bad thing) but i fear that if he leaves my side something or someone is going to take him. i havent had a good nights sleep or been eating right for months now and i know it isnt good but i stopped taking care of me so i could give my son the care and attention he needs, my bfs family has been supportive but recently ive been so worried that they are out to try and find a way to take my son from me because i suffer from a mental illness. I am new to this site and group, this is my first time opening up about my concerns about my children.
I am a rape survivor. The abuse stopped in 2010. But here recently I have found that the reprocussions have started now. I have a chance with my significant other for a real future and I am struggling. I don't feel like I am worth more than I am now. And I don't want to continue the pattern