I loved this article- absolutely made me tear up! I think I'm still struggling with alot of points and I'm 5 months out. It is still so very difficult to juggle work with home. I miss my baby more then anything and then also just "want some time to myself". It's hard. Much harder then I imagined. I wouldn't trade it for the world but I'm struggling.

I LOVE THIS!!!! also made me tear up! mother would be MUCH easier if society would chill out and let us mother as opposed to telling us what to do

Someone posted this to fb yesterday. Great article. Especially about how our society treats new moms. We are set up to feel like failures before we even start and it's not fair. I have felt so alone in so many aspects of becoming a new mom, and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because I'll be judged as a bad mom, or ungrateful for what I've been given if I complain. I'm supposed to be fine, and have a handle on everything at this point. I don't. I am finally starting to fall in love with him, but it definitely was not an immediate thing for me. I think because we had such a stressful start, it took longer for us to bond.

Speaking of feeling like a failure, in order to get my house cleaned the other day, I totally set Prescott in front of the TV for something like 3 straight hours! I felt like a terrible mother, but he was totally entertained and so good!! I got so much accomplished in that time, it was amazing!

My friend posted this on fb - so that's where I found it too Kevsgirl. I saw your post under parenting about the mother/baby bond. Please don't feel alone - I know it didn't work out for you to breast feed - but I sit here with a leach attached to my boobie and wonder "what the hell is everyone talking about with this mother/baby bond during breast feeding??" I still think it's weird and we have hundreds of animals that breast feed all the time, yet for me to do it, is weird. And at first, I noticed that I had that protective instinct for Trey, but it was weird, it wasn't outright love, I don't really know how to describe it. Now that he is more interactive, recognizes me, etc, I think the bonding is building up, but in the beginning, I felt like something was wrong with me. I think there's an innate primal love we feel when they are born but I think the outward love we feel is just like any relationship and takes time to develop. Hope that made sense.

I'm sure it's different for everyone but I think it can be hard for some of us and it's a shame we can't talk about it, get help with it or be real and honest about it.

I agree with Poly, kevsgirl. Seriously- there is nothing wrong. I know you were upset and feeling bad about not nursing but I think there's pros and cons to every situation. And you did what you had to do to help your baby thrive. Love is love no matter what. Not saying you have it easy, but there are some days when I want to rip my hair out or cry. I feel like maybe I should introduce formula. The nights when I'm up every 2 hrs to nurse and my husband just lays in bed. Or when I really just want to have 2 damn beers but know she'll be nursing shortly. I know this all sounds very selfish but it's literally like you signed your life over to this little human being. I'm so glad I have you ladies to talk to!

ANB, I know what you mean. In a way, I do have it easier. It's terrible to say, but at least I can have a life. I can drink if I want, and I can make DH get up on the weekends with him, so I can sleep (even though I really don't, because once I hear him, I'm awake anyway). I would have preferred to be able to give him what nature intended him to have, but he's thriving on formula, and I think once I got over the initial disappointment, I was a little relieved, because I too was on the verge of pulling my hair out while breastfeeding. It's so hard sometimes.

Just the other day I was saying to DH that I don't know what everyone talks about as far as "feeling" like a parent. Yeah, my life has changed, my routine has changed, and my decisions are now based on what's best for my baby and not myself, but I don't "feel" any different on the inside. I kept expecting this switch to flip and to feel something in me change, but nothing has. I feel just like I did before the baby, just now I have a baby. I never got any lighting bolt of maternal love or whatever it is people talk about. I still want to hang out with my friends (though it's a little more challenging now), I still cook dinner every night, I still like to sit around and watch TV (though that does happen a little less on cranky days), I still loathe laundry (more now because there's more of it!). Everything about me is still the same.

About the only thing that changed internally is my feeling of wanting to have sex with DH, in that I just plain don't. I never really had much a libido before, but usually once we got started, I would get into it. Not now. Now I just want it to be over. I no longer feel like something that could be the object of someone else's desire, if that makes sense. This may be TMI, but I don't even want to do it myself anymore. Used to, even if I wasn't in the mood to do it with him, I may bust one out for myself on occasion, but now the thought makes me cringe. I don't really know what exactly changed, other than my body (but that was never that great anyway), but something inside me definitely shifted in that department. But anyway, this got longer than I thought it would. lol Back to work. :)

Wow, Kevsgirl- you took the words right out of my mouth. I have absolutely no desire to have sex. None. Sadly, we have had sex twice since I delivered and it just felt weird and awkward. I know I've lost a ton of confidence in myself with the pregnancy. My body was never great but with the pregnancy, I felt beautiful. Now that I've delivered, I'm almost back to prepregnancy weight but my body is nothing like it was. I feel soft and mushy and disgusting. And I find it incredibly hard to believe my husband even wants me.

We've done it a few times, and the first time actually wasn't so bad, but the next couple of times was pretty bad. It was uncomfortable and I just couldn't get my mind to focus on what was going on. Like I said, I just wanted it to be over. I know what you mean about how awesome I felt while pregnant. I thought I looked adorable in my maternity clothes, and everyone was always telling me how great I looked. Now I'm just soft and saggy, and have an area in my lower abdomen that will apparently always be a little sore/numb from the c-section. I'm still thinner now than I was when I was at my heaviest a few years ago, but you're right, it's just different. Maybe our hormones are still out of whack, or something? I still haven't started my period again yet, so I guess it's possible. I just hope this doesn't last forever, because either I will continue to have to suffer through it, or DH will become impossible to live with!

I put out when I have to cuz my DH won't go more than a couple days but I'm not all that interested in it. Not that I had a voracious libido to begin with. And yes your hormones could still be adjusting - I've had my period 3 times and I have the WORST acne with it. And why the hell I got my period back and you didn't kevsgirl - just not fair. :) And for those of us breastfeeding - the extra estrogen in our system makes our whooha's more sensitive. And kevsgirl maybe you have extra estrogen still floating around and that's why you were uncomfortable and why you haven't gotten auntie flo back.

I wonder if some of us have a misconception of motherhood - how we are supposed to go through this big change once a baby "pops" out of us?? I don't think I'm less of a mother than anyone else - if anything we are more. We went to great lengths to get pregnant - most of us had less than ideal deliveries - and I know that we all would do our best in everything we do. But we also had more physical healing to do once baby arrived, so that was hard and to be honest, we now have this very selfish leach to take care of and that's a hard adjustment. But kevsgirl - I think you are on the right track when you make it a priority to make dinner every night, keep the house clean, spend time with friends. We are still humans even if we have a baby. Some day those babies will grow up and move away and if we haven't maintained some sort of life, we are going to be miserable. And our babies deserve us to have a life, cook them dinner, keep the house clean for them. I still plan to do my crafts (when I'm in the mood) or ride my horse (when my back is better) or whatever other thing suits my fancy. Trey will come first when he needs to, but there are times when he won't be the number one priority, and that's ok.