Welcome to this forum, Quandry. Unfortunately, there is not a lot of people responding or posting on here. I hope others will chime in. I am sorry to hear how your son is rejecting or ignoring you. This is a very painful thing. You don't mention if estranged son (ES) has made it clear what he is angry about or if he has other problems such as mental health, substance abuse or whatever. I mention this because reasons or behaviors can indicate where an estranged parent (EP) can get further help. Estrangement is becoming very common and social media often encourages dumping "toxic" or "narcissistic" people in one's life, including family members. I recommend this book always, Done with the Crying by Sheri McGregor. She has the most active and best forum I have found because the emphasis is on healing ourselves and learning to accept and move forward. Her forum is rejectedparents dot net but it is currently undergoing "remodeling" and new members are on hold. You can go to the welcome or home page and read all of her past blogs and you can comment on those. There are MANY wonderful blog posts, see if you can use the search feature and read "The Boat" - it changed my life by redirecting my thinking. Many other forums or books encourage the parents to keep trying, grovel, write the dreadful amends letter, etc. In some cases the amends letter could be helpful but in many cases, it only keeps the good parent in chains of agony and apologizing for things they didn't do. There is also something called parental alienation where the other parent does the dirty deed of separating their ex spouse from the child. Sometimes this happens within the marriage. I have to say I also have EC and they have been nearby in the city where I live and they have not even told us. I get ostracized at all holidays. We do have to learn to "let go" and move forward so we can sleep and get back to having a happy, contented, whatever life. We can't change the other person but we can work on ourselves. Anyway, I will check back every few days on here and respond to you as you need. I hope others on here also respond. I wish you the best.

Thank you so much Urbangardner. Your insight is exactly what I am looking for. You stated I didn't mention my Son's mental health or drug addiction. He does not have an issue with either.

Divorced when he was 9. Stayed active in his life through High School. Helped him with 3 vehicles. Went to all football games and baseball games. I had a good job with UPS and was hit by a drunk driver in 2000. Had to resign due to injuries obtained. This was when he was 7. Was on workmans comp for 2 years trying to recover from injures of the accident. Was not able to return to UPS.
Had the best 2 years of my life being mister Mom. Did everything for my two children and wife. Took them to school, cooked all meals , cleaned house, did laundry, coached softball, and took care of the house. All while wife worked and did very little.

Wife was in information technology and spend many hours at work. We had a pop up camper and would go camping on weekends. I prepared everything and planned for the weekend. My wife only had to bring her book.

One weekend , while camping, my wife was acting very odd and I ask her what was wrong. She told me she didnt like me and she never likes me. This was after doing everything for her and my two children and being married 12 years.
I ask her what she wanted to do about it and she said I want a divorce. I ask her what about the children? She said they would get over it. We tried counceling and nothing came from it.

I left out the most important part! This was after discussing with her that I could not return to UPS due to my injuries. She assured me that it would be ok and I would find something else. I returned to College and was working on a Nursing Degree. I was working cutting hair because that is what I did in my early years.
I went from making good money to making very little money.

When she insisted on the divorce I moved out and got an apartment. No furniture only a box spring and mattress.
Eventually I completed nursing school and became an RN. All the time doing what I could to help with my 2 children.
I sent my son money when i really could not afford to. He seems to forget all that.

Enough about my life. My son is married and has a wonderful wife who is kind of supporting him because he went to the Cullinary Institure of America and was a chef for a few years and decided to give it up.

I pray that his wife doesn't abandon him like his mother did me when I was in a transition.

I have been tempted to tell him this , but I think it would cause more problems.

I went to his wedding in North Carolina. I didn't fell all that welcome. Of course his Mother was there and his Aunts and Uncles on his mother's side. I took my girlfriend, who my ex was ok with.

I am sorry for the rambling. This is my first time expressing my feeling toward this issue in type.

I don't know who you are, but you took an interest in my cry for help and I appreciate it.

I have tried to be supportive and have never critisized my Son. I can not understand why he is keeping me out of his life.

Thank You!

Sometimes we never know why. I doubt you will ever totally understand but you can heal and move forward if you choose to. Sometimes we have to give up the search for the why. Because living in why, why, why hijacks our lives. He may have issues that you don't know about and he isn't sharing them because that is what people do. Please read Done with the Crying as it will help you have a fuller perspective and start to heal. I am just a former mom, just a human being, and my mission in life is to try to help us EP find healing. This healing will be different for each of us. I may miss the mark in talking to you but I hope you can forgive that and take the main message that life is waiting for you to begin healing! I spent years trying to change and fix things, bitter and angry, and then one day I decided to detach with love and focus on me. This has been a happier route.

It sounds like you would benefit from healing your pain from the ex wife's abandonment. Worrying or praying that the ES wife will not abandon him like you were abandoned by the ex is detracting you from your healing. It keeps you focused on the past and maybe you are focused on some self blaming self talk? You could see this divorce as your liberation and be grateful or you can see it as the end of your happiness. I spent years bitter at my ex and finally saw how this attitude of mine harmed my body and my mind. But here you went on to get a nursing degree and that is such a great thing you did! Really something to admire!

If and when he wants to reconnect in the future, it will go better if you have some coping skills and some detachment and are leading a happy life. And find the healing from the bitterness and the anger at being abandoned by the ex and the ES. This is about your healing, because you deserve to be free and happy. We can't be free and happy if we are chained to the past hurts. Another good book is The Happiness Trap.

You are a God Send! I have been wanting to get some form of counseling and didnt know how to go about it. Stumbled on to this site and you have been so helpful.
I agree I need to let things go. In the big picture the divorce was a good thing for me. Sad that it had to affect my Son and Daughter so much. I am sure my ex is telling them I am a bad person.
I really dont care anymore. They are both in their late 20's and have their own lives to deal with. I pray they find happiness in their lives. I have to accept that and focus on myself ( like you mentioned).
Have to run right now, but hope we can stay in touch!
Thank You for your encouragement!