parent of estranged adult children Community Group
To help parents come together and help each other with compassion and understanding towards adult children who choose to estrange from their parents. This can be an emotional rollercoaster, and the heartfelt grieve and pain can seem unbearable. Just putting your feelings down in print can ease the anxiety and worry that comes with this kind of issue.
Hi, I'm the mother of two adult children who are 31 & 32, each with 3 children of their own. At 52 my daughters think I'm incapable of making decisions for myself and use our relationship and my grandchildren against me to force me to do what they want.
This time I said enough. I've been in a relationship with my bf for 11 years and without getting into too much detail, safe to say it's been rocky for the last year. We not only have a personal relationship but we opened a business together. My girls have decided that they want him out of my life completely, both personally and in business and demanded that either I kick him out of our business or I walk away and live with them. Since I refused they abandoned me and said they don't want anything to do with me until I leave him. When I refused to obey them, they accused me of choosing him over them and have cut all ties with me and I am now allowed to see my grandchildren. I have a really close, loving relationship with my grandchildren and this will be the first year that we aren't together on Thanksgiving and probably won't be on Christmas.
It's breaking my heart but they walked away. They don't have to like my bf but it's my life and they aren't little girls anymore. They are grown women with families of their own and should worry more about their own marriages than my relationship. I truly feel that it wouldn't end with this, every time my eldest daughter and I disagree, she tells me she hates me, that she has never hated anyone as much as me and I can't see the kids. This has happened at least 3 times over the summer. My youngest daughter seems to pick a target for her rage and every 3 or 4 months I become her target. Last time she was going through post partum and apologized and said that at that time she was 'crazy". I'm thinking she needs to go back on her meds because eventually her husband will be her target or her sister with whom she has said in the past she wants to keep at arms length.
So after all this, my question is this....do I buy their families Christmas presents and drop them off on their front porches in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve or just not try at all?
This time I said enough. I've been in a relationship with my bf for 11 years and without getting into too much detail, safe to say it's been rocky for the last year. We not only have a personal relationship but we opened a business together. My girls have decided that they want him out of my life completely, both personally and in business and demanded that either I kick him out of our business or I walk away and live with them. Since I refused they abandoned me and said they don't want anything to do with me until I leave him. When I refused to obey them, they accused me of choosing him over them and have cut all ties with me and I am now allowed to see my grandchildren. I have a really close, loving relationship with my grandchildren and this will be the first year that we aren't together on Thanksgiving and probably won't be on Christmas.
It's breaking my heart but they walked away. They don't have to like my bf but it's my life and they aren't little girls anymore. They are grown women with families of their own and should worry more about their own marriages than my relationship. I truly feel that it wouldn't end with this, every time my eldest daughter and I disagree, she tells me she hates me, that she has never hated anyone as much as me and I can't see the kids. This has happened at least 3 times over the summer. My youngest daughter seems to pick a target for her rage and every 3 or 4 months I become her target. Last time she was going through post partum and apologized and said that at that time she was 'crazy". I'm thinking she needs to go back on her meds because eventually her husband will be her target or her sister with whom she has said in the past she wants to keep at arms length.
So after all this, my question is this....do I buy their families Christmas presents and drop them off on their front porches in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve or just not try at all?
Is he abusive? An alchocolic? Drug addict? Made innapropriate comments or passes at your daughter's? If neither of them like him there's probably a reason for It.
I mean their not wrong. You essentially chose a guy over your own daughters.
The the younger ones live with my daughters , 3 with my youngest, 1 with oldest. so I cannot see them. One is on facebook and one is awesome at 15. he said, before the break, Nana, "Why do you let my mother treat you like that?" I said , "I pick my battles". not long after, the battle came, a few weeks ago. Here's what I did. I opened a life insurance policy naming all 8 grandchildren as beneficiaries. Some day they will all know they always had a grandmother who loved and thought of them through every birthday graduation wedding and birth I missed. My youngest grandchild was not even 2 when i was banished, never got to know me at all, he's 14 now. One year I got my daughter to agree to get together with me and I got to see him, and all of them, but then a crisis in her marriage came along and she dropped me again. I have told the two oldest about the insurance policy. and I am making up a list with account info and notes so they know where to contact for their money, and hear from me, if I never reconnect before I die. I have been in this agonizing situation for 12 years and its just renewed itself with my last child who during those 12 years was estranged from her sister as well. They made up in April and my older daughter has surely poisoned the well with her lifetime of anger reconnecting to her sister. and now I have two estranged children. My youngerst and I were always close, but no more. I feel for you. This is so unfair.