I 'm baaack, my favorite coping skill is beading tiny little beads on string. Then I also enjoy hitting a tennis ball against a wall. I also like cooking up everything I have an ingredient for. There are plenty of things to do when it comes to coping skills and bike riding is another one . I used to jog alot before all my back injuries but not anymore so I took up fixing my hair with different gels and curlers and other dipity do stuff all to make my hair more appealing since it is really dry. big hugs everyone , Bunch

I tyr to practice what I call "reassignment"... I try to look at what it is that I am trying to cope with.. An example would be: an angry other person.. (family, significant other, boss, friend, etc) I try not to own" their anger. If I don't accept their anger I don't have to deal with it. However, I still need to look at what they are talking about. If they are being reasonable about what it is. Then I feel it merits my attention. If it is irrational or mean.. I treat it as such and dismiss it. All in all, I reassign the placement of the contention.

If I am angry with myself (This is the pits!) then I feel I have to distance my self or weparate my feelings for the most part until I can calm myself to the point where I can rationally deal with whatever it is that is upsetting me.

This technique doesn't happen overnight. However, it becomes easier with practice. And I am sure that life will supply you with plenty of practice!

Any questions -- please pm me at: notdeadyet005

NDY

Wine :)..just kidding! I play scrabble on line when I need to relax .

Depends on situation.
When I am in a dispute with PEOPLE, I ask, Have they REALLY done something that merits my reaction? Why is it bugging me THIS much? Often, I find it's b/c they've touched on a sore spot of mine, and are probably oblivious to how upset I am. Example: My mother-in-law has a GIFT for saying things that hurt my feelings, b/c she is totally clueless about where I am from and doesn't see how her words could be interpreted as a putdown for people of my background. Once I realized that, a lot of our conflict vanished. She was never poor, so has no idea how offended I can get by her comments about how poor people could "do better if they tried", as if we weren't trying. I find the ignorance irritating, but I no longer take it PERSONALLY.
I also always ask, Did I instigate this? Out of a bad mood, or a bad day or my own bad places in my past?

Wow, there's a lecture! Really, tho', it comes down to: I can only control MYSELF and MY ACTIONS/REACTIONS. So I am careful to try to do that at all times, and to watch that I am not acting out of my sore spots!

Other good coping methods that work short-term as you try to build long-term competence at self-knowing and forgiveness:
take a walk, even for ten minutes, and focus only on breathing and counting your steps (good calm down)
remind yourself that a year from now, you won't even remember this moment
do something for someone ELSE, like bake brownies (which is why I bake A LOT!) or whatever
clean a bathroom (which is why my house sparkles) to purge the "dirt" from your mood as well as your bathroom
learn something creative that allows you to express yourself, even if you're not "good" at it. I paint badly but I love to paint b/c I feel like my problems end upon the canvas; my mom models clay; my mother-in-law knits.

Guided imagery-imagine a nice peaceful calm beautiful place-use all senses, hear it-feel it-see it-smell it. Like being by a waterfall, river is it for me
deep breathing-count to ten breathe in, count to ten breathe out

Music-just listening, letting music fill my ears-my mind

reading-reading a good book-a good mag-beautiful photography books

riding my bike to the park, sitting on bench, watching birds, listening to breeze, trees rustle, birds singing, looking at water

also like Bunch says i like to bounce a ball, any ball, bounce bounce, have these little bouncy balls i bounce, catch with hand

Going for a long walk...listening to music or reading quotations....these activities usually cheer me up.

After spending all of my life as a people pleaser...person in the middle who was always trying to make everyone like each other...I've finally started to step back and let people handle their own issues....and when someone is unreasonable I'm walking away without guilt. I wish I could say it was some great insight that made me do this, but it was really my health and exhaustion that made me say enough is enough!

When someone is angry with me I listen to what they are angry about and go from there...if they are being pig headed and don't want to work with me than that's fine I let it go. In the past I would have spent a lot of time and energy trying to "fix it" whatever "it" was. Generally I can keep an open mind and can recognize when I'm the one who is pig headed...and so I'm able to apologize and admit when I'm wrong.

analyze it if i'm not too angry, if i'm angry i do something physical, clean house, go to the beach get rid of that energy, then think it through until i'm sick of it. if i can't think it through i sit with it until i'm comfortable with it. not easy as ndy says, then i re-frame it, or as she says 'reassign it.' i try to put it into a different perspective then let it go.

an example: last sunday i was very tired after a hard week at work - sunday is my last work day. i forgot to lock the back door and my little cat got out. he has done this in the past and i'm very concerned, he is not an outdoor cat. he is now 8 years old and we live near two busy roads. he's also mostly black. he is not friendly and very skittish. oh my.

i could beat myself up. i could say 'you should be more careful!!!.' 'you know he can open the door if it's not locked.' 'you are a bad pet owner.' 'you were careless.' and so on. i could also wallow in self-pity, i've lost my companion of 8 years. i could imagine all sorts of horrible things. i could but i am not.

i sent animal control his picture and information, he's chipped. they called and confirmed that they received it, i've done all i can to ensure his safe return and then i let it go. it has been a hard thing to learn, letting go but holding on is much more difficult. i continue to hope i'll hear that someone found him, healthy and well cared for but if not there is nothing more i can do. i did not leave the door unlocked for any reason other than i was tired and forgot, it was a mistake and i expect i will make more, and probably worse ones before i'm done.

i deal with other peoples' errors and behavior in much the same way. those who continually exhibit poor behavior i limit my interaction with if i can.and when it is life that pulls me up short i follow the same pattern. depending on the circumstance sometimes takes a while to work through things but eventually it works out.

Coping skills... I got no stinkin coping skills... I just beat it into submission.

Just kidding, I always wanted to say that... I have a great memory for detail.... I close my eyes and remember my favorite trout stream that I fished as a young guy at my fathers cabin in Maryland. Ten minutes of fishing that stream and nothing could shake me.

I find myself looking at nice pic from
My last vacation-After that I manage anything