Out of the Fog Community Group
For those who are done with their affair and want to make things better. Please be respectful of others in your posts. Rants, tirades, replies that are off topic, etc. will be deleted.
The main question is not why are we here (on DS). But what is the point?
1. Reconcilliation
2. Understanding
3. Direction
4. Insight
I suppose that once you get thinking on it -- one could come up with half-a-dozen more. Maybe the over-arching reason is simply "What the hell do I do now."
1. Reconcile
2. Seperate
3. Divorce
How do we do that? There are lots of ways, but probably the most important is to listen. In our anger, and our hurt, and our despair and frustration with life, ourselves, or our partners (Bets & Cheats alike) -- we forget to listen, and to observe. And finally to talk which consists of listening, thinking about what is said, and responding. Too many of us try to listen and then react without thinking. I can't think of any other way to do it.
1. Reconcilliation
2. Understanding
3. Direction
4. Insight
I suppose that once you get thinking on it -- one could come up with half-a-dozen more. Maybe the over-arching reason is simply "What the hell do I do now."
1. Reconcile
2. Seperate
3. Divorce
How do we do that? There are lots of ways, but probably the most important is to listen. In our anger, and our hurt, and our despair and frustration with life, ourselves, or our partners (Bets & Cheats alike) -- we forget to listen, and to observe. And finally to talk which consists of listening, thinking about what is said, and responding. Too many of us try to listen and then react without thinking. I can't think of any other way to do it.
I like the insight but I think I use the insight of others to sort of measure myself in this healing business.
One of the big reasons I'm still here is because I see so many people going through stages that I've been through and I tell them how I did it or handled it. You're right, sometimes it helps because they digest what I say but sometimes it doesn't because they don't hear me.
I think that we're all guilty of shooting from the hip from time to time. When something grinds our gears or is totally beyond the realm of our lives.
We've reconciled successfully. I credit DS and the people here for giving me a sliding scale to compare not only my marriage but myself and my progress toward healing. But what is that really? If I'm not healed I'm close. But maybe I just want to know what "healed" is.
Oh yeah, and the wonderful personalities here are hard to break away from...
I third that. :) My marriage is dead but I still struggle (as if in a fog) trying to understand why what happened did happen in the first place.
I came to DS desperate to get a handle on why my life was turning to shit and on the worst night of my life, one of the members from here was online and sat up with me all night talking me through all my pain and outrage at the time.
She probably saved my life that night and quite possibly the lives of my x wife and one of her lovers too. I now know beyond doubt that there were more than one.
As my pain eases, my outrage continues unabated but I guess this too will ease in time. I realize that she is incapable of integrity in any form and is without morals (I am not saying all cheaters are like this) but this is just her. She is not worth my spending the rest of my life in prison over so I have let her go and am now in the process of trying to re-build what is left of my life.
Kind regards,
Mick
I'm so happy for you and your new husband!
I miss my old friends too...humbledvirginian,Nave,special3 and of course tweedsie. They have moved on..I hope to a better place.
I think one it's most difficult challenges is to do it openly. Many people who try to listen do so with close minds. I have found that I have the most to gain by listening with an open mind and heart to those around me in a way that actually permits a change of perspective. Not only does this benefit those around me, but it also allows me the opportunity to learn something new.