Hi,

I've been with my narc husband for 10 years. We have two children together, 4 and 2. They adore their dad, depite his narc qualities. He seems to try to be the best father he can to them, but does not hold himself accountable to follow through with promises he makes to them, treats me poorly in front of them, often involving my oldest despite my begging him not to, and has started to speak down to my oldest, telling him how small he is and that he is going to get beat up at school, "toughening him up" he says. there is no physical abuse, but I beleive his treatment would be considered emotional abuse. As a background his father died young and he is of Asian heritage, two factors which I beleive play a role in his action. I have strong self-esteem so it is still intact, his treatment just makes me very angry and I tend to stay quiet much of time, as I am sure all of you know, there is no point in arguing with a narc. I try to keep the peace outwardly for the sake of my kids, but I stay angry all of the time and struggle to be pleasant to him, its like my way of trying to "punish" him for treating me poorly, or maintaining some shred of dignity perhaps, I'm not sure. If it werent for the kids, I would get as far away from my husband as possible, but the kids change things for me. All of the stories I read seem to end in the spouse ultimately leaving and being glad they did.

Anyone in or been in the same situation where kids are involved? Advice on being better to stay or go? And/or advice on coexisting to mitigate the chaos? I'm miserable but would rather put up with just about anything over losing out on half of my kids' childhood, or causing them the pain of breaking up the family (and I know staying will cause them pain too, its a lose lose that I beat myself up for daily.)

I'd much appreciate any adivse you all can provide.