I left my husband simply for this reason. His narcissism was so bad that I was making excuses for him in every area of our marriage and keeping quiet and putting a face on to the outside world. He couldn't show how our lives truly were because he couldn't stand how people might perceive him. He made promises he couldn't keep to his family on a daily basis, promises to his employees who were losing their houses. It got to the point where carrying the burden of trying to put food on the table myself and living the lie was too much for me to handle and I contemplated ending my life. I decided it was time to leave. The breaking point for me was when his family came to visit and he ask me to "put my happy face on". The next day, I packed 1 suitcase with $300 in my pocket and drove to a shelter 6 hrs away. I was in that shelter for 2 months. In that time, I found a part time job, a full time job and a place to live. I am slowly reestablishing myself and after starting counseling I am coming from a dark place. Some days are better than others. He had me 2nd guessing all the decisions I made so he could feel good about himself. I can't even get him to sign the divorce papers since the end of Sept.
There is hope. I have found DS to be very helpful. Put all your hope into your boys, it willl help you get through. Don;t give into the narcissism, stand your ground. I actually have empathy toward my spouse now, because he'll never be able to live a authentic, genuine life and uses all his energy to make himself what he isn't. Hugs and prayers to you sister.

Broken Bridges

Wow, thank you for such a touching reply. It brought me to tears. I am not alone and that makes me feel so great. I am so happy that you are moving on. Hugs and prayers back to you. Again thank you. I am trying to hold on. I took an at home job just trying to move on the best I can.

I have struggled in my marriage of 51 years and have just now realized that my husband is a narcissist. He's not the extreme type so I was able to make excuses for his behavior. The blame for our relationship problems has always been put on me and I kept trying to "get it right". Good for you for recognizing your situation! The narcissist's behavior is insidious and the victim feels like she is going crazy. In fact, I am the one in the family who sought help for my mental health and got diagnosed. More ammunition for the narcissist! The victims of narcissists need help in understanding what is happening to them. I've gotten the most help in surviving this relationship by reading an excellent book. It is called "Should I Stay or Should I Go" and is written by Dr. Ramani Durvasala. I'm staying in the relationship for my own reasons but I am taking her advice for how to survive and even personally flourish in the situation. I think you could benefit greatly from reading her book too no matter what you decide to do. For me, I have gained hope where I have had hopelessness for years. I know now that a narcissist will never change and have radically accepted this fact. That's the first step. Then get support from your friends and family because you will never get empathy from your narcissist. You will then be ready to make plans for yourself and your family. I am glad that you have recognized your situation earlier than I did. You are well on your way to breaking free from a bad situation. Sending love and understanding your way.