I have things pop into my head that he used to do to me.  As these things come back to me, I am going to post them here.  Writing helps me to heal.  Hopefully, it will help someone else to realize they too are not crazy.

He used to tell me, "I never kept you from ______ (seeing your family, your friends, doing things you like)" when all the time he was going completely out of his way to do exactly that.  He would always make excuses or stall until the last minute on me making any plans.  I was completely and totally isolated.  It was his way or no way.  He caused me to turn against my people and talk ugly about them with him.  Then that would get thrown in my face:  "You told me yourself that you don't want to be around them."  I guess that was a form of gaslighting.

He would tell me something, then in the same conversation he would deny he ever did, and tell me that I was crazy for thinking that.

He could never have quiet time and was always busy.  If he sat down, he would go to sleep.  It was as if he could not be alone with his thoughts.  Probably not because then he would have to face his inner self.  There was always a cloud of chaos around him.  If he showed up there was going to be some kind of drama or trouble.  Always had to have loud music, never quiet.  Always had to be on the run or busy.  All I wanted was for him to sit down and talk to me, but he could never talk about anything with any depth to it.  He flew by the seat of his pants and never planned anything.  It was like he lived in the here and now and never thought anything about the next minute.  It got to where I could not stand to see him coming, because I knew I was going to have to drop everything I was doing and give him my undivided attention.  He was like a 2 year old.

He was always angry.  He had no sense of humor and rarely smiled or laughed.  He was always bent out of shape about something.  When I look back on it now, I realize it was because the situation he was fussing about he did not get his way.  It was all about him.  He always wanted to fight someone.  His reaction to everything was anger.

He would make eyes at women right in front of me.  There was one very bad incident where my family had went to a restaurant, and he was making eyes at a woman at the next table.  It got so bad that I even knew what the woman's name was.  She was with a group of women and they were all in on it.  The only reason I did not show my rear is because my family was there and I did not want them to see me as angry as I was.  Later I found out everyone at the table had noticed it too.  I wish I HAD done something.

He always said disrespectful things to me like, "I would do her!".  He would tell me that he could tell what size woman was walking his way because of the click of her heels.  He had a high heels fetish.  I hated heels but he expected me to wear them.  Then he would tell me I was too heavy footed.

He had an evil charm about him.  There was almost nothing that he could not talk his way out of or into.  A silver tongue.  I could be in the same situation and use the same words that he did and always be turned down.  I don't know what that was.

I know the things I am talking about here are the signs of a psychopath and narc.  With me writing it here and sharing it with others, it makes me realize just how horrible he was.  But the trauma bonds kept pulling me back, almost irresistably.  I am glad I am finally healing from that.