Narcissistic and Sociopathic Abuse Survivors Community Group

This is a S.O.N.S.A. Group - Survivors of Narcissistic and Sociopathic Abuse. People who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and/or Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) create relationships of inevitable harm. This group is for those who are recovering from such relationships.

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Confusion

mocking_bird
mocking_bird

Married to a covert narc... i am so confused. they were very good at picking up signals and knowing what other people were thinking... always percieved this as empathy and thats what i fell in love with.. but they never cried when i was hurting. they never cried at injustice. or when our children were hurting. i realize now they only cried when they knew it would get them their way 

Ladybug7
Ladybug7
I was in a long-term relationship with a white knight covert narcissist, so I can relate to your feelings. Narcissists study people in order to mirror their behaviors, communication styles, and emotional styles. They are excellent at appearing to convey emotional empathy, even though they have none. Some do have cognitive empathy - meaning they can understand why people feel the way they do, but they can't feel compassion or put themselves in another person's shoes.

Please know that you are not alone in feeling confused. If you haven't already, I'd suggest reading as much as you can about the disorder. I highly recommend "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare" by Shahida Arabi. While the title sounds vindictive, the book doesn't talk at all about "getting back" at the narcissist. The main goal of the book is to give survivors like you and me the knowledge, confidence, and power to get out - to go "no contact," or "low contact" if you need to communicate about your children.

I know from experience how painful and exhausting the narcissistic pattern (love-bomb, devalue, discard, hoover, repeat) can be. This group seems pretty inactive, so please feel free to message me if you need to talk. You are not alone. Hugs!
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