Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I lost the link but I had this excerpt and was reading some other articles on "writing & trauma" and similar; it seems there is a benefit although the exact nature of "why" hasn't been completely determined. One reason, however, mat be that writing and transforming the emotional experiences into language and words may "force" the brain to engage the logical left and emotional right, helping processing to occur.
On the on-line forum aspect, I saw that often, as long as members are engaged, share and encourage or even disagree in a respectful manner, and especially, if those who have improved "stick around" and help/encourage others, an on-line forum can be a helpful and healthy place. I have more info on that and will put it up later.
(From) Relationship Obituaries: A New Way to Move Forward?
By Jill Eisnaugle
Does writing about a failed relationship really ease the pain and is a public online forum the best place to clear the air? For some, it is.
Some of society’s best songs, poems, stories and books came about as the result of the author’s sadness and need to write the sadness as a coping mechanism. Over the years, countless psychologists have expressed how writing down one’s feelings on paper is the best release a person can have.
A 1999 Center for the Advancement of Health study on the positive affects that writing can have on chronically ill patients showed that 47% of surveyed patients who wrote their feelings on paper for 20 minutes per day over the course of three consecutive days showed noted improvement in their overall moods and health over the course of a four month period. The survey also showed that some patients had as much as a 28% average reduction in the severity of their disorders. This study, alone, proves that writing is beneficial in the healing process.
On the on-line forum aspect, I saw that often, as long as members are engaged, share and encourage or even disagree in a respectful manner, and especially, if those who have improved "stick around" and help/encourage others, an on-line forum can be a helpful and healthy place. I have more info on that and will put it up later.
(From) Relationship Obituaries: A New Way to Move Forward?
By Jill Eisnaugle
Does writing about a failed relationship really ease the pain and is a public online forum the best place to clear the air? For some, it is.
Some of society’s best songs, poems, stories and books came about as the result of the author’s sadness and need to write the sadness as a coping mechanism. Over the years, countless psychologists have expressed how writing down one’s feelings on paper is the best release a person can have.
A 1999 Center for the Advancement of Health study on the positive affects that writing can have on chronically ill patients showed that 47% of surveyed patients who wrote their feelings on paper for 20 minutes per day over the course of three consecutive days showed noted improvement in their overall moods and health over the course of a four month period. The survey also showed that some patients had as much as a 28% average reduction in the severity of their disorders. This study, alone, proves that writing is beneficial in the healing process.
I agree with the forum thing too. Before I cam here I thought no one would understand what I had been through. It is hard to explain emotional abuse in a sentence or two to people who want to know what went wrong. There have been many times I wish I could've said he hit me; it would be easier to get people to understand the trauma that causes. The N bag of tricks makes things so hard to identify just what is happening and why. I ended up looking like I was the one with issues, when in reality it was just being with a jerk that was my problem.
That reminds me, I need to buy a new journal. I filled up the one I was working on!
Then I have my journals on this site. There is less writing about the ex and more about my farm life and the horses that I treasure. I've thought about not writing any more but I have so many that like hearing about my daily life and get something from my journals. I really do find it healing, restful to write about my work days and the people who come into my life.
I have one more battle with the ex. I hope it's my last. I'm trying to find a way to get more distance from him. So I will keep writing until I find the solution. I want to move and start over. This farm gives him the ability to cause me financial harm and as much as I love what I have done on here I can start over again where he can't find me.
At the end of the day I put my life on paper and I can sleep to get up and start all over again.
Adarias I totally relate to the remark about writing only when you were sad and what people may have thought.
I have written many a daily page on my laptop, saved it, went back and read it later, and even compared what I wrote say one year ago to now. Sickens me to see there are those ups and downs but I have not actually left, removed myself, physically moved forward. I even went lately as far as to erase all those other than I have on here deleted, even though nothing is ever deleted.
The times are a changin, and there seems to be no privacy at all anymore. I would dislike for my grown sons to ever see my journals. It would be devastating to me and painful for them.
Dadda you have been it seems doinig much much better and for that I am thrilled and estatic. Trisha I pray it is your last battle and it turns out the way you want.
And then, you can indeed truly "start all over again."
I certainly can relate to not necessarily wanting anyone to see some of mine. A lot of anger, for certain. And I don't really write when things are going well, when I am happy. I think it helps to write though, too, even though as you said, Sunnygal, it doesn't "seem" that much has changed. Maybe not some things, but you know what, you are changing AND you are completing some goals. You are sticking with a plan YOU believe in and are not just being swayed by popular opinion and all that. Sometimes, I think it is difficult to know the wisest course of action, but when you are evaluating and CHOOSING, often it can be wise to choose what you believe in, because you probably will be likelier to stay the course. Can't tell you how many pages I filled, angry at times and sometimes, in despair, because I was doing "all the right things" and etc and nothing was moving forward. But, when it did, it was like the dam broke (yay!!). So hang in!
And that for you Trisha, I hope it is indeed your last battle. Do you ever feel like the right answer is there, just can't find it? That is how I feel sometimes. I feel like the writing "unclogs" my mind and gives room for some new answers or maybe creativity.
Adairis, your second post gave me the shivers, but it reminded me, because I was drawing for a while, and drew myself in a coffin, too. There was this huge spike that came down, impaled me and held me fast to the coffin. It's sort of spooky to think where I was then. But that was not too long after all the hospitals (and thankfully, he never was able to play those tricks again!).
I sometimes wonder what I would look like if he did hit me, instead of the emotional and financial abuses. I expect I'd be a bloody, bruised and broken mess ... and someone might (?) have mercy? It amazes me sometimes what people consider blase and what they consider as "news". There was a big stink the other week about these people who were being charged for having a deer without a permit. The public outcry! But the stuff people (and especially the kids) go through? Not news until someone dies.
I was trying to find somewhere that someone understood, before I came here. It was really horrible, because I couldn't tell the "gist" of it and get it across, so I'd write and then maybe, I'd get one (2 if I was "lucky") response ... and then nothing. It made me feel like I was the lunatic and there was no hope. I'm glad I don't feel like that here. Sometimes I would answer myself in my journals, or at least try to. It's nice that I can still journal if there's stuff I'm not yet comfortable sharing, but it is nicer knowing that between everyone here, there's a wealth of knowledge and experience and especially compassion. People get me thinking on things and I think that even helps me clarify things in my own mind, too.