Dadda, I'm so sorry you are going through this and having these thoughts and feelings. Try to hang in there. You are such an inspiration and the first one to support and lift all of us up, I hope we can do the same for you. In the worst of times I told myself, "this too shall pass". I hope this passes soon for you and that you are soon at the top of the Roller coaster instead of the bottom. Hugs, love and support to you dadda!

Aw Dadda I'm so sorry too. You truly dont deserve this but then life isnt usually about what we deserve!!! Keep up the good karma anyway, like you do so well by being a good person, eventually it will catch up to you. In the meantime, please seek out churches or other organizations who can help you pay the electric bill, especially being sick you cant live without electricity. Let us know how youre doing.

Thinking of you so much. Has the house been listed? If it is in both your names walking away should not make a difference. The realtor makes the sale you only have to agree and sign...and have someone in your corner to make sure you get your dues. There is legal aid. Go to them and find out for free what your options are. You are in a mess here and not every bit of advice and assistance should have to cost you money.

If your daughters won't live in a car or shelter with you are they going to live in a house without electricity? Not likely. So they are going to have to move next door or else go with you to a shelter or car. Dadda, you have raised the girls. They are adults, able to find jobs of their own. You are in a situation where you can't be all things to all people. You can't help them unless you can take care of yourself first. You need to be honest with them. tell them you have no more money to pay for anything and you hve to do something. let them know they are loved. Ask them to come with you but understand when they can't. You will not lose your daughters forever. Have faith in that one thing. Years of having you for a mom will never be forgotten down the road. So don't be afraid to let them go if that is what they choose to do.

Going to a shelter is not all bad. For starters there is electricity. Beyond that you might have a chance to rest, clear your mind of some of the hassels, get some good advice from others there and think about living someplace else instead of where you live now...somewhere where you don't need to maintain a dying car in order to get to work. If you could live somewhere where you can access public transportation for a while what a load that could take off you.

Thanks, Coffecupgirl! I feel so far from being an inspiration tonight ... plus my nose is running like crazy, which isn't helping. I have another victim's advocate to visit; she went home ill today, but was told she is very effective. I am also going in for a pro bono consult next week. If this monster would just let me be, I could DO what he PURPORTEDLY wants, get the hell out of his life. I wish someone besides me could figure out that he is doing all this intentionally and maliciously. I am going to check, though, too as he has an obligation for educational support for our daughters and, under the protective order that covers all three of us, there is maybe (?) something I can do about the civil harassment. I can't seem to get a copy, either, of the contract he signed with the real estate agent, who is supposed to be "mutually acceptable" but was told the JUDGE SAID we have to sell the house for $145k. As far as I am concerned, any offer that will cover my share is ENOUGH but at this point in time, I will see (not even know about) no offers and that sure isn't "acceptable".

Being ill is not helping, that's for sure! My head was pounding, I stank from laying in bed the past couple days, but there I was having to run around and put out more money, thanks to the poorest excuse for a "man" I ever did meet. More like "parasite par excellence".

And thank you to Allusernames, Oldandwiser, too. I have some numbers to call. Today the guy from the gas company came to shut it off too but he agreed to let it go through the weekend. I am just about ready to cry, because it doesn't seem that being responsible does a darn bit of good. And seriously, if this guy wanted a DIVORCE, why is he doing everything in his power to make it impossible for me to leave???? I have an appointment with legal Aid, too, upcoming and found out the Court had the wrong info on the CCS; so my motion went up again. I believe it will again be denied, at which point I will need to file a motion to "vacate judgment" or something ... I need to find out. That will help preserve my rights til the appointment. I am also thinking that with the protective order, covering both girls and myself, as well as his obligation to provide "educational support", there may be some legal ramifications to what he is doing. In addition, I can contact the Office of the Inspector General regarding his dissipation of our daughters' Social Security funds. Not the tack I want to take, but it is an option, especially as I have documented evidence that I made complaint as far back as 2003, when he was refusing to spend any money on their medical/dental needs ... and I now have a chart that shows that many months, he wasn't supporting ANYTHING, once their income was backed out. I have some other numbers, etc and really, not expecting too much, but who knows? Leave no stone unturned ... eventually something has to give.

The house is only in his name, but the divorce order decrees how funds will be allocated. My main concern about leaving is that the house WON'T sell, because he doesn't want it to ... only the judge's order motivated it ... and I will not see any offers, as things are right now. But I have a starting point, as there are options outside the County level.

And my attorney has yet to "take herself" off my case; I put in a call yesterday to have her do so ... since I'll be damned before I give her a penny toward filing bankruptcy. Who does she think she is to dictate my life decisions? She's gotten more out of the divorce than I have, to date.

And oh, yeah, if I leave, he wil just move back in and live "happily ever after" with the children. If the house is sold, everyone will HAVE TO do something different. So maybe it is worth some additional "pain" to make sure he can't get his claws into their school money, etc ... he sure doesn't help anyone get anything, but he sure wants the benefit of it all! And if my finances are going to be pretty much destroyed, maybe I can manage to save some ... I am not sure ... I was never intending or thinking things would go this way and for sure, not for this long! But again, he claimed he wanted a divorce ... how are ANY of his actions contributing toward making that happen? Any intelligent person would be able to see that he is actually behaving quite maliciously ... maybe I can get in touch with an intelligent person around here who knows something of law!