I have never been to court on anything(I avoid getting married so as to not wind up being divorced) but it is the same thing here for me on a daily basis. No matter what I do that is right, I'm always wrong. But when administrations are doing the decision making it is likely they will make decisions that favor a desired outcome for themselves. But you sound absolutely burned out emotionally and I am empathetic towards your situation. But as some here have said, the law and justice are not the same thing for a victim. I wish I could say more that is meaningful. But this is the best I have to offer you. Try to take care of yourself. And be kind to yourself. What you have been through is extremely rough, being able to relate to it on a much smaller scale. Being powerless sucks when one does everything in an honest way. So sorry. tear

Dadda,

You wake up every morning because you are an amazing person and you have been given the right to wake up watch the sun rise and know that you are going to make the best of what has been thrown at you. I read a quote the other day, and I am probably getting it wrong. as I am now if full flu mode.

Feeling depressed,having anxiety attacks,and ... does not make you crazy. It just means that you have been dealing with too much for too long.

It is time to start living again. No shame, no looking back.Just walk away knowing that you did the best that YOU could do.

The only justice that we truly see is that of us being free, finally free from our oppressors. Perfect timing as MLKJr Day was yesterday "Free at last, free at last. Thank our Lord Almighty We are free at last."

Sleep, and wake up again tomorrow because you can and you are worth it.

Douglasn, yes, I am burned out ... and have been for some time. I keep finding a bit of strength to keep trying. It nearly kills me to think this could happen to my own children in time ... to all of our children. On the law, nearly everything in a marriage .... robbery, fraud and the like ... is considered civil or tort. So the police won't take reports ... I saw an article last night; a woman was arrested for embezzling something like $100k from the company she worked for ... something like what I have likely lost through theft, myself, from the ex ... and both, apparently, gambled it away. Only difference is she was arrested and likely, will be ordered to make restitution.

I just read a story about a Jennifer Berman in Florida, who killed herself and her two teens ... her situation, pretty similar, on the surface. I doubt as desperate, and hasn't been going on as long. Sad thing is ... about the only way to get anyone to "care" in a big enough way to change a situation ... is for something like this to occur. I've written/called enough government officials, reporters, agencies ... I have truly come to feel expendable. I wouldn't do this, but I truly, sadly do understand.

Livelife, I am sorry to hear you have the flu ... I had it a few weeks ago and it SUCKED!! Hugs, hope it passes quickly. I am glad you wrote, cause you have been going through this for a long time, too. "Free at last," that is what I have been waiting for ...

I was reading an interview with the man who was the writer and director of Divorce Corp which was playing recently and I guess will soon be on DVD. Funny, he mentioned Scandinavia as a contrast to the U.S. system:

What surprised you during the making of Divorce Corp?

What surprised me the most was Scandinavia. They just practice divorce so differently. We were shocked — shocked in a good way — at how different it is. Very few divorce cases go to court. Instead, the couple meets with someone they both trust, often a priest, counselor, or family member, to work out the issues.

They don’t have battles in the courts for divorce or child custody. We interviewed a judge there who said she sees an average of two divorce cases a year. Just two each year! In many U.S. courts, judges see 100 cases every month.

Do you see these difference between their approach and the American approach as cultural or as part of the systemic legacy?

Well, they definitely have a culture of equality. They take pride in everyone being treated equally. That’s a big part of it. But the other part is that there’s no money [to be made] in divorce. Custody is done in a caring and loving way. If there’s alimony involved, it’s normally only paid during the divorce process itself. If child support is paid by either party, it is typically because one partner is out of work. The amount is normally nominal. The result is they don’t get into courtroom battles like we get into battles here in the United States. (http://life.wevorce.com/articles/divorcecorp-takes-hard-look-at-industry)

That is exactly what I asked N to do, when he was set on divorce ... I even approached a few men from local churches who we both knew and respected, asked them to be intermediaries. My head still spins at the thought that it is PERFECTLY LEGAL to deliberately and maliciously destroy another person's finances, holding them hostage to the legal system. I'm obviously just living in a savage nation and need to look into relocation ...

There are times I wish I could relocate within my province. Too many things prevent that though. Start over with a clean slate where I am at NOW psychologically. Best I can do is maybe get away for a really mini vacation. Yet even that is dreaming in technocolor. I live with the hope that nothing bad remains forever and push on. You take care of yourself and don't attempt too much. at one shot. You need to rest some here and there. :)

Dadda, You've been through so much. Too much, and yet you continue to write and inspire. Very interesting information regarding Scandinavia and divorce. Yes, sometimes it seems tempting to relocate.

I'm so sorry about your home. Nothing about it is fair or right. I just pray that wherever your next home is, you will find peace and comfort. And, it will be a new beginning in a positive way. I'm preparing my house for listing on the real estate market myself. Breaks my heart, because I truly don't want to move. But it is what it is. And, it is necessary. There's no way I will be able to afford to live here much longer. I feel like I'm letting my family down because the house is part of our family homestead on a farm. While I will not have to sell the whole farm, we will lose a few acres with the house. Not my choice.... but necessary.

When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts were about money problems. Worries and pain. A friend of mine is losing her house to foreclosure, too. It seems to be everywhere, and my heart hurts because of it. All we can do is hope and pray for a break. I'm sending prayers your way, too. You deserve a good break. Hang in there. Big hugs

Dadda,

It is hard but it is time to cut your losses and leave . . . even if that means a woman's shelter for a short time. You have spent so much time and energy fighting your NH and trying to hold on to what you once had (home, some sense of history/security for your girls) that you have exhausted your resources and your stamina. As bad as things are now . . . it can be a new beginning . . . a beginning where all your efforts (and you will recharge your internal batteries because you are a fighter and a survivor) will be spent on BUILDING a new life instead of trying to HOLD ON to an old one. Just think of where you would be now if you had left that stagnant rural community long ago. You can do this. It won't be easy but it will surely be easier than the long, draining fight you have been waging for far too long. Justice is a noble goal . . . but it is a goal outside of our own capability . . . Justice comes from outside of us and we have little control over it. I am so sorry that justice is not coming to you . . . but life can . . . a peaceful life, a useful life, a loving life without the battle royal of your long-term efforts to seek justice. Hugs, my dear . . . tons of hugs. Admiration for your efforts . . . but hope that you will move on to better things. Keep venting. Keep hoping. Keep fighting but fight for your FUTURE not your PAST. Your friend, Jenny (Quepasa)

Hear, hear. Great advice from Quepasa. Still as wise as ever :) Let go and say Fuck it (acceptance and surrender at the same time) and unstrangle your life so that it can move forward.

Hi. I won't go to the women's shelter. I HAD to go there before; the police more or less shunted me in there. And I have contacted the people at the ICADV, the NCADV and of course, local over the past three years.

But FACT IS ... with all the millions they are getting from government, donations and so on, there should be something I could do ... I just don't feel like being the funding source for a program(s) that could be doing more but WON'T. What is happening to me and happens to many others shouldn't be, that much I know.

Yesterday, I went to therapy and the receptionist and I talked for several minutes after. She gave me a few ideas; not that I think they will go anywhere, but I can try. In the county where I live, they rushed a 12 year old boy (Paul Gingerich) into charges and a conviction for murder - as an adult. His defense attorney was able to appeal that and remand it. I am well aware, NOW, that the previous divorce was likely legally invalid, as it was obtained through duress and so on ... as would be the quit claim I signed, etc. I know there is "someone out there" that, if I found them, this could not be happening. Don't know that that will happen.

I may say let go and fuck it by saying this is not a life, certainly not MY life and I refuse to take it on anymore. They can have this BS back. I know that doesn't make me "mentally ill" ... I am not trying to "hold on" to old life ... I HAVE rights, they are and have been violated ... I KNOW THAT NOW. I should not have to give up every accomplishment and asset I have earned, AGAIN, because of a FU'D system and the FU'D people who don't do their jobs.

I was watching a show on wrongful convictions in Germany the other night ... and of course, injustice happens WAY TOO MUCH here, too. I know there are people who care ... and will devote the time and effort to change things. In past, that has been me even if not in great things. Maybe something will change for the better, maybe I will find someone who can help. But giving further credence to a National agency whose lack of effort is the only reason an abusive person can win? While they mostly advertise T-shirts and bracelets and so on? NO, I can not do that!