Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Hi all, I'm new here. I'm nearly two months NC with my ex-narc. This is my 11th attempt at NC. Yes, 11. I have had ups and downs. I usually never make it past his normal two week hovering but this time I did. He was sitting outside my office and my home, would text me details about what I was wearing, etc, begging me to see him one more time. That only lasted about a week and then he was gone. So bear with me when I say this: I'm devastated that he's gone. I don't want him back. I know he's a horrible person and has caused me more pain than ever imaginable, even nearly brought me to suicide last year. He has destroyed my life. So, why am I here at this spot now?? Why do I miss him? I was feeling decent until I found out that he's now dating one of his exes that he swore to me he found disgusting and would never go back to. I'm seeing photos of his daughter with her on social media (I have him blocked) and they look so happy. This knowledge has triggered some sort of panic and nostalgia in me that has put me on my knees. I've cried for days now. I feel rejected all over again. Why cannot I not get over this man?!
You know that appearances are not everything. He may look happy in the photo but when he puts his head on his pillow he is a hollow shell and in a state of absolute self-loathing.
My personal opinion about the feeling of the "missing" is that because they have self-murdered their inner self, there is nothing there so we as souled-beings reflect us onto them. We fill in their gaps with ourselves.
We can only imagine what they would do based on what we would do which is why their behavior is so perplexing and we re-write in our heads what for and why they are doing their weird actions and words.
After, my relationship, the MISSING was so intense that I couldn't function. So I studied, I read, and I shared on this group. It was a lot more active in 2012 when I needed.
I recommend that you read old threads because these N's are from the same cookie cutter and once you get one, you get them all - for the most part.
Please stay strong, treat yourself, and keep up No Contact. Please believe me that one day you will wake up and the Sun will be warm again. As long as you give it time for your soul/spirit to fill back up in you again. You gave a lot of it away to your N as food for him. This sounds crass, I am sorry. He has no inner being so he has no self-battery so he needs to look for energy from others. Including his daughter.
Chin-up, stay strong, and hugs, Crys
here's a link to my favourite blog about this topic on N's and Spath's