Sorry life has taken me over! I hope to look in here more often soon..more worrying to me..is that the fabulous woman who started this group..has totally disappeared for a very long time..

I'm worried that alls not okay re her? Its just not at all like her not to contribute or pop in or out..now and again?

Lovely to see you still here..xx

Hiya vonnie - great to hear from you. Life can suck you in can't it !

Yes the site is a bit quiet. There's so much to gain from everyone's sharing, experience and wisdom.

In some ways I hope some of the survivors do get onwards and upwards post N. if not, this site is a great boost when you get dragged into the N mud.

All best to you
PL xxx

Hi !
I hope you are ok, I had some big ups and downs but my n has moved on now and has new girlfriend, house and step daughter. Didn't take him long.

I'm doing ok, things are financially tough but my daughter is doing well and is a happy girl. I'm still to know if my ex will reveal his true self but only time will tell. X

So glad you and your daughter are doing well.
And you know and I know that he'll be doing exactly the same horrible behaviour in his new 'relationship'. Again it will all be about him, control, madness and cruelty. You're right, it's not love. It's evil.
Huge kudos to you for breaking free ! Like getting out of quicksand isn't it. By the time they've confused the living shit out of you and spun your head round, it's hard to see straight.
But here you are - free of that.
You go girl xxx

They cannot help but reveal their true self.

He's still going strong with this new woman, it makes me look like the nuts ex who accused him of being abusive and threatening but now he's being mr nice with the new woman and her daughter he looks like the good person. It really annoys me lol!

The real self eventually comes through. One day this woman he is with will for whatever reason not meet his needs. She might actually have some needs and wants of her own. He might be bored (very common with narcissists), her ego stroke will have lost its novelty. . .god forbid she may get pregnant or sick like me and be superfluous to requirements. Sometime he will start the real abuse and the mask will truly come down. Sadly she will be dependent on him by that point and he will think she can't leave him.

I needed a break from the all abuse boards for awhile.

Hi bedhog ! Well there's nothing wrong with that. Tho I every time I try and live my life I just meet an N again !!
Glad to hear youre ok tho - it's healthy to take a break x

Strength - I just KNOW he will be doing her head in. I know it. And we all know that horrible realisation when you realise your lovely new boyfriend is actually personality disordered.
She most likely doesn't know what to do, will hope it returns to normal, will try and keep the peace until SHE can bear it no more.
Of course it's suits him to see you as the nuts ex. But we know that's not true.
He's sick sick sick.
I think you should feel really sorry for her that she's suffering his facade and charade.
My now ex N had a long distance relationship for 7 years, with a woman way younger than him.
She left him in the end - she dumped him via Skype ( that makes me chuckle ) because he couldn't give her anything. Nothing. No future. No promises. No marriage. No kids. Sorry to get graphic, but the guy couldn't ejaculate. So she didn't even have sex. No wonder she left. Makes sense to me given I experienced 8 months of it. They just don't change.
I can't believe she stayed with him for SEVEN years. Seven years of that??? But she was a friend of the family, and so was tied in. Poor thing. She ended up moving to canada.
I totally get it now. He really is the worst.
So feel pity - if you can be arsed. But don't believe for a mili second there's anything good going on there. They are who they are - it's their twisted cycle. Woe betide anyone who steps into it.
Peace
PL xxx

Btw I think the non ejaculation stuff was something he had trained himself to do BECAUSE HE REALLY DOESN'T WANT KIDS.
He thinks children will ruin his very selfish life.
Not ejaculating takes so much control. It's actually scary. And I never want to experience that again. Ever.

My ex N wouldn't ejaculate during intercourse, only "post-play" when he was hand-jobbing himself. I chalked it up to - in the end - that the whole intercourse experience for him was masturbation. Getting it on with a sex OBJECT and not a person. The one and only time that he ever ejaculated inside of me, he bee lined to the bathroom right away. It was so weird but at the time, it was the normal for him not to be able to cum from sexual intercourse.

Sorry TMI ;).

Oh don't apologise for TMI! I TMI'd myself there!

Wow - good insight.

Yes my ex N came once with a hand job.

Jeez. They're so similar. So textbook. Where's the intimacy?

Thanks so much for sharing xxx