IMO, if the new partner is just like them.....they deserve each other. Cluster B's have a way of attracting other cluster B's (they share a mutual bond that they can't quite identify), the beginning is very romantic, adrenaline rushing, exciting. Neither sees anything wrong with the other because they are just as blind to their condition....it quickly goes away as neither are capable of truly loving each other, get bored, and end up either killing the other or splitting up.

According to what I read in one of Sam Vaknin's articles, two narcissists of the same type (somatic, cerebral, inverted) are bound to be at each other's throats in no time. But if they are different types, they can successfully become narc sources for each other. At least for awhile.

Somatic narcissists are those who use their bodies, sexual prowesses, and basically use other people for "sexual masturbation". Cerebral narcissists are the ones who consider themselves highly superior in intellect. Most narcissists carry both traits, somatic and cerebral, but there is usually a more dominant side - one or the other.

In my opinion, from what little I know, it seems two narcs together would be a ticking time bomb. Competing for attention and admiration. Incapable of true love, except for themselves.

With current (almost ex) NH, there was no other woman . . . although that was his pattern before me, when he was younger. However, with my ex-H of 17yrs. who had the secret 10 yr. affair with his secretary . . . she was/is a closet N . . . plays the helpless damsel in distress . . . yet, one who manipulated her husband and mine and cheated for 20 years . . . sly, conniving bitch. Bottom line, don't think that H was a N, but hope that she was/is as he deserves one. Basically . . . N or not N, one N or two N, . . . if they cheat with you they will cheat on you . . .. I hope that is true or at least that Karmi comes around in one way or another.

Dadda,
The fact that that nurse would cheat on her husband and lure yours into her web means she is scum . . . N or no N. Again, we have to believe that Karma will even the score. Hold your head up high and ignore them. They are beneath you. Huga.

Yes, I truly DO believe they "deserve" one another. One task I won't mind turning over is her getting to clean dog pee out of the carpets ... have AT IT!!!!

I think this has all been the most confusing situation I've ever been faced with ... it makes no sense. Once in a while, I bounce it around in my mind, mostly because I can't help it rather then I really think I'll "figure it out". I certainly wish he'd been more "upfront" about who he is. I guess I also expected things to "fizzle", at least from her side, because I don't know what her husband is like, other than a couple of conversations I had with him, but she thinks "love" is all about being in a never-ending Harlequin romance. I've considered, too, that her being a nurse, and maybe not expecting to get "caught" she has been stringing him along, thinking he would die (or something) ... because I guess if she were to end it, he could turn on her, sue and play "victim". After what he has put me through, and our children, I wouldn't doubt it, either.

I somehow "can't" picture them married, but if they do, she will deserve getting everything from him that she "envied" me for ... almost cracks me up to think of some of it ... planting landscaping, only to have him intentionally run it over with the mower, getting yelled at or cold-shouldered for not coming to bed right when he decides to ... etc etc etc. I really loved hearing (all the time) how much he "hates pine trees" when I planted a few north and west wind breaks to make the house more salable, since we were supposedly going to sell and move in a few years. He ran down several of those, too. But dog pee and dog blood (he was going to get the female "fixed" about 7 years ago ... he promised ... yeah. right.) all over the house, and dog hair ... oh, I won't miss all that. And I like dogs; don't get me wrong. We used to have one dog, one cat and they had their shots, got fixed. It was reasonable. I won't miss wondering where all the money is going ... or being lied to ... or used. And his "idea" of love is that he does what he wants and I do what he wants ... and we'd get along "just fine".

Oh, Quepasa, I wasn't at all "jealous" when I found out; it's hard to be jealous of someone who has psychological problems (worse than mine!) and I recognized that any nurse doing what she was (even before the affair) had to be disturbed, using a patient to meet their own needs. And since I know he see $$ signs, not a woman, it's hard to feel bad about him "choosing" her over me. If they DO marry, and she gets custody of her son, the child will be good for another 8 - 10 years of dependent benefits (gambling funds) that would go straight to my ex. Nice thought. Another thing I wish had been more clear back when ...

I've come to realize that I was the one who was fine with making forward progress, slow and steady, with a good foundation supporting, he wants fast and right now and isn't willing to put in the work. Over 10 years, he spent $37,000 on car payments (+ comp/collision insurance) and at the end of that time, NO car. Mine might break down a lot, 'cause of all the goofy finances, but I've OWNED it for the past 7 years, and with a half-way normal husband or even ex, it'd probably be in pretty good shape!

I prefer it when I don't have to think of them at all! Hopefully, I can get my protective order made permanent and never have to deal with him or his, or psycho nurse, ever again. And I agree about the cheating thing. I don't think I'd even consider being with someone who started one relationship before ending the previous one, anyway. It makes them seem like they can't do for themselves. I'd like to think I'd be happy with a poorer but honest and decent man who can stand on his own two feet and deal with life.

Dadda

I can't help but think how can a couple trust each other when they cheat on their partner and leave their partners for each other. You would think they would always think they would cheat on each other.

If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you. No doubt.

My xNs new wife, who he cheated with while with me always comes to the restaurant i go to all the time.she has been doing this for years...but for one year i stopped going on my day. It is interesting how she looks at me....like if i actually did something when it was them who two-timed me while i was the good and supportive wife. It os so interesting that she acts as if nothing.

Anyway...the things i feel are so contradictory....i am jealous that they are together because i do not have anyone.. I am happy and relieved that thanks to her i was able to brave myself and throw him out...i know how he acts..and like dadda...know everything he is capable of....amd then i say to myself...maybe he is not acting as horribly with her as with me.....while still knowing that they do not change...while still having his father, sister in law, and cousin tell me that he has issues.

They have been together more than i was with him....what keeps them together???? It is as if i keep waiting for them to split up...for fairness sake...but maybe they live a life that is intolerable but they are staying to make a point??? Well, also,,,he needs to stay in this marriage for his citizenship???

Just venting!

Afanador

I think you guessed it . . . citizenship papers are a powerful motivator.

I sort of got the feeling the ex-N's wife was narcissistic.

Afanador; I'm sort of glad that I have that "he'll turn into a good guy" thing out of my system. It's almost hilarious to think of me, counseling HIM that the nurse must have "psychological problems" to be seducing a (married with children, especially) patient. I actually thought he had one of those "mental breaks" people have when they've faced death or their mortality. I figured he'd "come to his senses". But especially since he got really hyper one day a while back, telling me how my attorney was suing the nurse and hospital (she hadn't even mentioned such a thing), then telling my how ONLY the patient can sue, I realized "good riddance". I can see him now, planning to marry or playing the victim, depending on how things pan out. And the guy is truly "P" whipped and not by me. He sues me all the time, but he bellied up when some attorney sent him a civil claim about our daughter, who was with a friend who opened a pack of condoms and the friend got busted for shoplifting. First it was $300, but when they wrote a letter two weeks later wanting $500, he turned yellow and paid up. Our daughter DIDN'T do anything and Kmart (where I will NEVER shop again) lied and said they had video and had sent it to prosecuting attorney. I found out the truth and he could have gone to small claims; at least get the money back, but NO ... same thing when we were divorced, his disability company stopped paying, said he was no longer disabled, etc, etc. Such a wimp, unless using strong-arm tactics against someone who ought to be able to trust him. I'm looking forward more to when I feel "nothing" because that will be when my life is completely free of his stupid games.

And the woman ... yes, I know ... she doesn't have a conscience any more than this one does. I phoned her at the hospital after finding out he had gone to her house for lunch and our daughter overheard a conversation and asked her father point blank if he had a girlfriend (at which point Mr. Moron came charging up to me demanding to know what I was discussing with her. I set Mr. Moron straight, letting him know if I "thought he had a girlfriend" I'd be discussing it with HIM, not our daughters. I guess people who turn their children into surrogate partners and "friends" do some really screwed up stuff, including the discussions they have.). So, it was supposed to be over. He disappeared for the weekend a couple months later and I went to his work to see if he really showed up there Monday morning. Lo and behold, the nurse pulled into the lot just after he started (I was getting ready to leave). I wasn't even sure it was her and didn't even SUSPECT she'd been the one. I just knew that she might know something and he certainly had never acted this crazy (as he had been the past several months), at least in that way. Well, she soon gave me to know that they were still "friends", despite telling me (before) she understood, sorry our daughters were upset, blah blah. I'm actually sort of thankful that they can destroy one another and her husband and I will at some point BE OUT OF THEIR GRASP ALTOGETHER. Her 14 page "love letter" talked about how she felt so bad when her husband found out, like she'd pulled a gun out and shot him. But then, it goes on to say, "we can't see one another for now. Once the divorces are over, we'll pick up where we left off." Those two, plotting to act all "nice" in order to get the best settlement possible ... screw the spouses (and children).

Afanador, you with a heart, are worth way more than a baker's dozen of her. The one thing I have learned is that when something "nice" happened for me, it was incidental to a bigger payoff to him ... or it cost him nothing ... since I didn't realize how much he'd ripped me off ... I didn't realize til recently, how much I HAVE paid for. And you are going through that too. The day he stops taking YOUR money and becomes a man is maybe the day he can also be "nice". The day he returns what he has taken and apologizes for being less than a man ... in fact, a parasite, is the day you'll know there is hope for him. I don't see either of those days coming, on my side of the equation.

dadda, Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you've gone through such torment, and I have no doubt karma will be knocking on your ex's door. It makes me so angry that he and the OW were plotting to get back together after the settlements. No remorse at all.

You've helped me realize how I need to plan and prepare better for my future court dates in divorce court. To make sure all my bases are covered. My NH has been having an affair with one of his coworkers for at least a year, probably two. He says they aren't seeing each other now, but I don't believe him. And, like your ex, if my NH isn't seeing this OW, it's probably only till he can maneuver himself out of our marriage. The OW got a divorce from her H a few months ago.

I'm sorry your's has been such a long, drawn out divorce. And your ex has caused you such pain. You are a wonderful, smart, witty, awesome lady, and you deserve so much better. Stay strong. (((HUGS)))