When I was with my N I felt that I didnt have the time, space and permission to be myself and do the things I used to do / enjoy... I kind of feel that I have been disconnected from life for a long time and now I am really hungry for fulfilling experiences!

One of my dreams is to go back into doing the fitness / gymnastics competitions I used to do a few years ago, and become sponsored. I have actually started preparing for a qualifier since I left my N and I feel really excited about it! Although I am a bit rusty!
Another thing I love doing is music making. I am not a musician really, but I love electronic music and I had started producing some tracks years ago... I always wanted to go back to it but never had "the time". Then with my N I wasted so much of that "time" suffering that now I have left, I spent the time that I typically would have spent with him coming back to doing this, amongst other little things. I dont think this is a "dream" as such, more of a hobby, but it makes me feel really good and make every moment I spend on it very special.

Good luck with you business Dadda :) Those things can take a positive twist really fast, and you may be able to afford that house sooner than you think!! I really wish you do!!

Hey dadda,

My hopes and dreams. Well, first I did get a part time job, 19hrs/wk. that was a big one. I am considering trying to start a small retail store for dance shoes/tights/jewlery. All the stuff people need at the dance studio, but we order on line now. The goal of this business would to make enough money to pat for dance this year (dad still has not reimbursed me a penny from last year) and I am flumuxed about school. I had one of the classes I signed up for cancelled and the only other time to take it is at the same time as the second class I signed up for. It is a prereq so it takes priority.

As for projects that fulfill me... I just finished cleaning off the deck. It needs to be washed and stained now, but that will wait til spring. I also started ripping the old carpet off the basement floor, seems carpet holds in moisture and I have mold spots in the glue in the concrete. Then I will be sanding, leveling and staining the concrete before I seal it. Tadda! a brand new floor in my basement, and no more mildew smell. Also if the basement floods again.. I can just mop it up and be done.. October will be the month I have a dumpster dropped at my house and I fill it with all the things I need to get rid of... 2 garages full of junk, including old furniture, matresses, trash that I just found got shoved in a corner when it was said to be taken to the dump... I also have the phone number of a guy who pays for metal. I know I would get more to take it myself, but I don't have a truck...

I am also trying to reclaim the dog fence area. It is about 1/2 acre of 5ft chain link. I had it installed about 8 yrs ago and it never got touched. Yesterday I started cutting down all the little trees, berry briars... I have two maple trees that are close to the house that need cut down in the fence. I need to get the yard cleaned up prior so after they cut the tree down and cut up I will be able to access the yard to chop it for firewood. I also in the near future need to have the house excavated and resealed..they want to put the drainage pipe through that area.. with a new roof and gutters.. I will be living in an almost new house.

Long term, I think I would like to finish this house and make it into two separate apts. I can rent the top (4br) and the bottom (1-2 bdr) for a profit that would cover a new mortgage for the same size house, or a profit for a smaller one. I am not sure where I would buy. We live in the middle. Like, not in the country, we only have 2 acres and can only keep chickes..., but not in town.. the kids friends are all at least 2 miles away and it is a busy street with no sidewalk.. can't just send them to play. I think I would like one or the other.

The biggest change that is coming now is me canceling both the TV and netfix. School is starting and we won't have time to watch anything, and it will save me about $50/month. or $600/yr. Also, I have been trying to be creative with all the food in the big box freezer and save on food cost. Any other money saving ideas would be great.

I want to live an authentic life and to acheive the savings to be able to travel to Iceland, buy a new car, and have a family.

I hope more people respond and I would love to hear more about what makes for an authentic life, to you, crystalcave. That is something that will probably make some thinking points for people.

Neodyme, I think it is really neat and I hope you do well in your qualifier ... that is something I cannot even imagine doing, but I like gymnastics and enjoy watching performances. As for the music, I think having it for a hobby can be a great thing ... who knows where hobbies can lead... there is a band of doctors around here that started playing together awhile back and now they do performances and the money is for patients who can't pay for treatment.

Livelifenow, you are truly an inspiration. You remind me of my stepmom ... she is multi talented and can lay tile, reupholster and can/freeze, just to name a few things. My father divorced her and I think it was the "biggest" mistake of his life ... he was really disdainful of her money saving ways and etc ... guess who ended up more financially successful and secure? Do you do any dehydrating? I like to buy produce when it is really cheap and dry it (I usually keep it in freezer after to keep it even longer). This works great for mushrooms and several other things that don't freeze directly very well.

One of the things I like about this sort of thinking is that it helps focus on what we can and have, there is a positive focus and it can spark some ideas ... which reminds me, while I have it, I need to call about opening the savings account where the government will match the funds ++ and the money can be used for house, education and a few other things considered investment in your life. I will try to get info to share so that maybe some of you can check to see if your state does that, too.

My hopes are that I am able to find another source of employment. I'm so tired and work too much. I'd like to establish healthy friendships with others and actually be able to go out and have some fun every so often without having to worry about getting up the next morning for work. So one day off a week would be splendid. I'd also like to venture back to school and maybe take a course in some type of Therapy work, maybe some Psychology classes as I've always been fascinated with it. Even more so now. I'd like to find my way to the city where all of this could be possible.

I love this thread! Thanks dadda! In the year since my Narc expulsion I have bought and furnished a new home. I am getting ready to trade in my paid off car for a newer one with a warranty and a low payment. I am debt free and have been able to furnish my home with nice furniture and electronics. I took a vacation this summer. These are material things but are goals I never could have done with my Narc dragging me down financially and emotionally. My next moves are to go visit old friends I love and have missed and to get out more socially and discover new interest and hobbies I love. I live reading all these posts! You all inspire me daily!

I'm trying to get financing to get the ex off the farm mortgage. He is willing to give up his half if I will pay off the mortgage. I need to make contacts with some of the winter horse people so I can get income in the winter months. I would love to have ten horses on this farm year round and I need to start working in that direction.

It's time to start getting this farm ready for fall and winter. Although my fall can run into November before it gets cold. The deck needs cleaning and repaired. I need to make a list of winter projects that need to be worked on.

My hopes and dreams, since I left my N last July, I have done so many things for myself. I left with literally nothing, it only took 2 years with him to lose my car, my furniture, most of my belongings and almost my personhood. Since last year I have a cute little apartment that is all my own, I've even painted and created a lovely patio with plants outside, best of all it is all my space and no one can tell me what to do with it! I've been promoted at work as a program director, I coach gymnastics. Neodyme.. you rock, I don't know you but I'm proud of you for getting back into gymnastics! I have a car that I can actually afford. I've been sick recently with some congestion, and just having the time to take care of myself is a dream come true. A few of my dreams that will eventually happen I hope... a trip to Peru and visit the Nazca desert, and one day I would love to open a non- profit gym/ art studio for underprivileged children. That one will be awhile if it ever happens. I'm going to attempt a 5k with my boyfriend next month. I really want to learn how to play the bongos too. My BIG dream that I'm working on is learning to love myself, and be a human be-ing, not a human do-ing so doing absolutely nothing and not feeling guilty about it is a pretty big step too.

I wish all of you love and peace, for all of us to get away from Ns, well I consider us very special strong people.

I love some of the reminders, too!! I want to get my debts paid off (don't even look at the attorney bill for now haha) and it is nice to see that other people have been making a go of things; it's encouraging!

KassandraDee, do they have any "satellite" programs where you are (or nearby)? I took a math and psychology course at the high school in the evening; there was no college in the town, but the college offered some of the required classes at different locations. I hope you can find something ... or maybe you're getting closer to your next phase!

Also, I checked into the savings thing I was talking about ... it is called an "individual development account". Also, they do it in Canada too and I guess some other countries, but the U.S. and Canada, for sure ... although I do not know about every state/province. You can google the term and your area and probably get the best info ... but it is a savings account, for lower income people to save toward home ownership/refurbishing, education or "micro-enterprise". You start the account and once a year, the government or other non-profits make matching deposits to what you have saved. Hopefully, this info can help some of us meet our goals or dreams a bit faster.

I have already reached so many of my life goals, but of course, i am far older than most of you. As a former high school drop out, I wanted to go to college . . . and finally did so when my youngest entered his first year of college. I was very lucky and was able to go on from B.A. to M.A. to Ph.D. I love to write and have published several history textbooks and translated a few others. My most important goal, ever, was to raise my two children to be happy, productive, kind, and loving adults. As many of you know, my daughter died a few years ago, but my son is thriving, as a doctor, a husband, and a father of my little baby grandson. So that goal has been met. Too bad, the accompanying goal of having a happy marriage did not work out and won't unless there is a miracle that hits my NH where it counts . . . unlikely. Anyway current goals, to have a short period without goals . . . other than to just take some "me" time to read, tend my flowers, sew, do puzzles, visit with friends, and soothe my soul. Maybe before too long, I'll work on a work of fiction. I have a couple of chapters written in non-fiction and about 25 chapters written in another history book. The history book work is on the shelf as I just don't feel like working on it anymore . . . don't think I will go back to it even though it was very helpful in keeping me sane and a lot of fun to do, but i am burned out on it . . .at least for now. What a wonderful feeling to say to myself, that I am just fine with never finishing it . . . I don't have anything to prove to anyone anymore. Time to relax, one day at a time . . . .

THanks Dadda for the prompt to reflect.