Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
The trial was yesterday. I am still waiting to find out what the final orders are. I hate going to Court. While I was reviewing tapes and transcripts and journals. It sort of psyched me up, remembering how much he tormented me through the years. The best one I heard was a recording of my younger daughter and me on the phone in 2003 when he was refusing visitation because he was going for "restricted and supervised". She was 10 then and was asking me when she DID come up, what time would she go home, etc? Because she was scared coming up; she wanted me to stop taking medication for ADD because it gave me "muscles". That was sort of funny and in retrospect ... because I wasn't and hadn't been, for about 2 years. I have all my medication records from my doctor's offices and I was taking NOTHING, not even over the counter.
But the other part was better. She tells me that Grandma told her that I said (to Grandma) that I was going to kill my children. And so, Grandma told them this juicy little piece of news (which one of them blurted out at an elderly friend's house one time, too. I was electrified then by the remark, but no recording. Coming straight from my daughter's mouth is PERFECT. I am now convinced beyond ANY doubt that Grandma is evil. Very glad that I have been more than decent to her ... considering I now have way more proof than I will ever need .... that woman screwed me and my daughters out of YEARS together. My daughters used to cry because they wanted me there, doing their hair like the other girls' mothers did and so on.
I am working (slowly) on a documented time-line showing the truth. Later, they can look at it (will probably store it on-line) or if something ever happens to me ... they will be able to access more than lies to put the story together and understand the truth.
I am nervous, waiting .. but have to work for a while and go vote. Just don't know how long this process takes. So far, over a day. Hope and pray I can start a real life again soon. And hi, Suedomac (if you see this ... I saw your post hard to believe it's been a year. I will hopefully talk with you soon! And hugs to the rest of you ... I have been (again) reading more than posting as I have been feverishly trying to keep my momentum and get all the paperwork organized before the piles start wandering again.
But the other part was better. She tells me that Grandma told her that I said (to Grandma) that I was going to kill my children. And so, Grandma told them this juicy little piece of news (which one of them blurted out at an elderly friend's house one time, too. I was electrified then by the remark, but no recording. Coming straight from my daughter's mouth is PERFECT. I am now convinced beyond ANY doubt that Grandma is evil. Very glad that I have been more than decent to her ... considering I now have way more proof than I will ever need .... that woman screwed me and my daughters out of YEARS together. My daughters used to cry because they wanted me there, doing their hair like the other girls' mothers did and so on.
I am working (slowly) on a documented time-line showing the truth. Later, they can look at it (will probably store it on-line) or if something ever happens to me ... they will be able to access more than lies to put the story together and understand the truth.
I am nervous, waiting .. but have to work for a while and go vote. Just don't know how long this process takes. So far, over a day. Hope and pray I can start a real life again soon. And hi, Suedomac (if you see this ... I saw your post hard to believe it's been a year. I will hopefully talk with you soon! And hugs to the rest of you ... I have been (again) reading more than posting as I have been feverishly trying to keep my momentum and get all the paperwork organized before the piles start wandering again.
a fair judgement which will enable you to move on with your life. You sound
really strong--hang in there. (((((( *HUGS*)))))))
Hope you court case goes well for you. Waiting is so hard . . .. Keep us posted as you learn more. Hugs.
Glad I CAN say, that I have tried EVERYTHING I can to work this through amicably and also, especially at first, through our supposedly shared spiritual "government". I guess I can say I've learned more than I like to know about "believers", but keeping in mind, the regular ones often are more ignorant or "dumbed down" as I have been and sure I still am in a lot of areas. Thank you all! I was up all night Sunday because afraid I would oversleep and have been exhausted as a result. I look forward to not having to feel like that or do stuff like that .... with some sort of weapon (a case) to hurt me and/or make me look bad.
I have a friend looking to move in with me at some point this winter. The thought that 2 moms working together would be easier than each of alone is compelling right now. Anyway, she is as handy as you and I. We plan on fixing the basement again so it can be rented.
Point being, if you can handle 5 kids between the ages of 4-13(one with special needs) 2 women, one athiest, the other a very liberal Christian in a soon to be 6 bdroom 2 bath house and the two Ndaddies that won't just move away and leave us alone you are more than welcome to join us!
Actually after seeing it written I may opt for a car this winter!
can put this chapter to rest and move on to building a new life. I can
totally relate to the housing fears, but there are a lot of options out there.
Livelifenow, you've come up with a great solution. I've love to find something
like that here locally. I knew someone who raised her kids together with
another single mom all through high school. It worked out great for them,
they became like family. So cool.
Dadda, I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, hoping for a speedy
resolution. And the best outcome for you financially and emotionally.
We wait with you and for you, as we care for you and your happiness.
Live,
We I was raising my kids alone, a female co-worker suggested that my two kids and I move in with her and her two kids . . . unfortunately, she found a new BF and recended the offer. i hope this all works out for you . . . .how wonderful if it does. I know I could have used the support, company, and friendship as I raised my children alone. Hugs.
During the last divorce, my daughter had written to the Court, basically the same as this last time, championing her father's cause and how I am a scary monster. When she said that to me on the phone, I actually (think I ) handled it fairly well. I just asked her is she thought I would do that and she said, "Yes." I told her I would be pretty scared, too, if I thought that. She said that she thought so because of the way I "acted" sometimes (probably stressed, as every time I exercised visitation was hellacious. Sometimes, it is hard to believe everything I've gone and come through and here I am, forced to endure more games. And he has managed to buy another car and I am trying to figure out how to pay the bills. I need to pull it together and get some optimism going, but I admit I am tired. Two floods, a fire, multiple car repairs and breakdowns, screaming, out of control children and a screaming out of control NH, blame, isolation.
When I was 16, this guy who liked me (I told him I was "interested" in someone else, and so he insisted he "just wanted to be friends") went bonkers one day; driving on the interstate really fat and screaming that he would crash into a bridge if I wouldn't tell him I loved him. I was petrified and jumped out of the car at the first safe opportunity and that was it. I wish I could jump out now and find my boring and humdrum life waiting for me to return ...
Livelife: that sounds very good. I hope it works out well! I moved into a house (rented a room/bath) from a man when I thought I wasn't going to get to see my daughters anymore. I didn't even bother to tell him I had children ... but then I was able to see them again and the man I was renting from was really cool about it ... he was kind to the girls and never said anything bad about them being there, despite it being a complete surprise when they showed up. He even tried to convince me to stay when I moved (a house I was trying to buy; the sale fell through), but he helped me move all of our things to the second floor apartment I had rented. So I hope that's the kind of arrangement ... mutually beneficial and both of you can benefit; the children, too. Maybe I will try to find a place with someone. I know financially, that would probably be the quickest road to solvency again. That and more work. If I can't make it out your way, I will be hoping blessings for both of you nonetheless and maybe a similar situ ... I would like to go south at least a bit. I HATE winter.
I thank you Betty and Quepasa, for your kind thoughts. Right now, I am not very good company or very enthused. All the nerves and memories are giving me a queasy stomach to boot. I think I am going to try to go to therapy next week. I missed my last appt due to the breakdown and maybe it would help. I hope so. I am not much good to myself, but between feeling like I hit a wall, jumbled up and now full of nerves waiting, yuck! I just want to jump out of my skin.
Glad the car is running okay these past two weeks now, but I am always waiting, now, it feels like.
light at the end of the tunnel. It's nerve wracking waiting on news like
that, don't forget to breathe and calm yourself (something I have to
remind myself to do constantly).
Going through the narc gauntlet is traumatic, be sure to be super kind
to yourself. You need a lot of nurturing while you are still dealing with
this entanglement. Actually you'll need ti afterwards too no doubt.
Probably we should be super kind and nurturing to ourselves everyday
as having an N bomb detonate in our lives leaves lasting trauma.
Hang in there Dadda, we're all thinking of you and rooting for you.
Praying for many blessings for you.
xoxoxo
“...of all the hardships a person had to face none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.”
Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns
I like the quotes; I was driving around at 5am finishing up working and thinking wryly how maybe I am so close to victory, I can't "give up" now. And when I saw Mom's comments about NH, I don't know that just galvanized me, that and the conversation between you and Livelife ... I have been spared the interaction, lately and maybe the unfamiliar territory is hard to navigate. I hate the exhaustion and uncertainty and how it all affects me ... having to pay bills late as I juggle funds, etc. If I could have a big sign that said "Involved in Narc War ... please be patient with me" maybe that would help?! At least it would be a conversation starter and I could educate people ... LOL my sense of humor is lurking I think that is a hopeful sign. Thank you!!
I was reminded, too, of the verses in Daniel 11. It talks about how, when the intriguer comes in(to power) and all kinds of mayhem is occurring, those who "know" their God stand firm against him and the evil and usurped power. That they are "helped with a little help" when times are hard (And dear Lord, I have stories of that I still can't explain logically.), but that even they stumble at times and fall, but it is ultimately for good and not harm. I just wish I could more easily understand "what are the lessons" I am supposed to be getting from all this ... it is like flying by instrument but having to count on others and I will admit, that IS hard!