Sounds like you definitely struck a nerve! I keep my FB private, friends only, on everything. What I think is awesome about his mean comment to your FB post is how your daughter defended you! Good for her! Your ex isn't fooling anyone but himself.

But I'm sorry he created more drama for you. No one needs that kind of nonsense. It does seem suspicious since he "acted" all concerned and caring for you, encouraging you to go see your father very recently. Makes me wonder if he wasn't perhaps trying to get you out of the house. Hope he leaves you alone. :)

Spiritsprout ... great minds think alike!! I had to say that; I get discouraged sometimes about the ways that PTSD and all the associated stuff affects me and how I can't just "will it away" or fight it with logic. But hot dog! That was definitely one of the places my mind went ... I could see myself going and coming back to find him installed in the house and denying me entrance. It reassures me, to see how we quickly learn how their minds do work, to some extent, so that we are able to almost predict some of the problems that may occur. I'm actually amazed that the attorneys and judges, who deal with this stuff daily, and many therapists ... really DON'T get it!

That IS one reason I do the "public" thing though. If I was sneaky, I could probably use it to my advantage, but I am not into that. And yes, my daughter is quite the trouper. She's still going through some rough stuff ... so unnecessarily.

The Ns want to make us feel good so that harmony will be restored,not for everybody's good. Just the Ns good. By convincing us all is OK we drop our gaurd. They let us continue on with our guard lowerred until they see we are used to itand the N with lowerred guard and than they do their stuff all over again. It is a vicious circle with them. Especially my Mom. I'm now wonderring about a lot of things she never would say to others. The women in my family who are still alive can't stand me. Because as a guy I provoke triggers of unpleasantness in their lives? That is my belief because of other things said and connecting the dots between them all. As I read the "The Empathy Trap" I find me in parts of the case histories given. As well as in certain actions of the Ns, Mom, neighbor when in a "longterm relationship". Was she really in it? Doesn't matter now and some things are better not known.

I sometimes wonder if it is a "power play" type thing that goes on in their own mind. I mean, if you are trying to convince "the public" that you are a "wonderful person" that can't fly very well if someone isn't buying it.

Three months after our first divorce, he wrote me a long "love letter" and wanted to "start anew". I told him, "no". He had instigated the whole divorce process, every time, a fact I had "forgotten" til this last round and reviewing records. When I did not "go along with the program" he became hostile and started taking negative actions against me. Had I "gone along" though, that would have been as bad, though in a different way, I'm sure.

I'm thankful to my sister-in-law, who told me when he filed this time, "don't trust him". I didn't and I don't ... and am looking forward to the day (if it EVER arrives) that I no longer have to deal with games or the consequences of same. I think my experience is a great example of the "system gone wrong" and how much legal leeway Ns have to do damage ...

A divorce that could easily and peacefully have been OVER, three years ago ... but no ... not with N ...

I guess the worst part of an ordeal such as I have been experiencing (and our daughters, too) is that it's probably hard to know what it is like from the outside. The system is really fragmented and nobody really deals with or even wants to know "the whole ball of wax".

I definitely agree on the "vicious circle". Once I had no doubt as to "what it (he) is" and that there was no possibility for change, I just wanted to go on with life. NOT a script.

When you say the women "can't stand you", could that be that they realize they could have/should have protected you, as a child? And that your presence, sanity and lack of silence disrupts an otherwise "cozy reality"? That seems to be part of the (purpose of) stonewalling, when WITH N, and of course, those not with but related ... are "cut off", often, if they refuse to follow the family script. But attempts from time to time to reel them back in.

In regards to "women" I am referring to my Mom, sister, and female cousins: women in my family. Mom seems to have psychopathic ways of relating to me. Constant lying, never having sorrow for things she did wrong against me, but rather putting on her self righteous routine in a way that it was unreasonable to bring up such issues. There is no reason to trust her word inm any cases as a result of all her lying. She cotributed to making my family environment hostile and than break that down to constant changes to rules of conduct and values to be espoused which led to much confusion growing up. A lot of this was done, I believe, because I came into the world as a boy instead of a girl. Something that pained my Mom because my maternal grandmother preferred boys over girls. Mom was abused by her Mom when she was under her Mom's parental authority, assumming she was not lying about that. My sister had a shoe thrown at her by my maternal grandmother, because she was a girl, in part. My female cousins got the cold shoulder by my maternal grandmother, who was their paternal grandmother because they were girls said one outright to me months back. My Mom talks a lot to this cousin now and has a bond with my sister I'll never see. Mom was a very intense controller and wanted the world to revolve around her. Dad went into abusing alcohol until he divorced her and moved in with a woman who respected him more and loved him. Because of my epilepsy I skipped the alcohol and escaped by becoming bisexual. Thought I could leave that any ole time when things got better. But no. I'm now bisexual and that is it though not because of my Mom this time and I'm OK with that. Now what was my Mom telling my sister and my cousin to get them so much against me? At this point who knows and I don't care. We don't talk and live in differrent provinces. So there is bitterness because I was born a guy it seems. Such is what I meant about the women in my family not really caring about me,or the why: being the wrong gender because of my maternal grandmother's preferance to boys over girls. The cousin gets along pretty well with her brothers though. Still I don't worry about it.

Dadda11o,

Your ex's post sounds just like my ex! He could have written that. In fact, he did in legal motions ask the judge to throw me in jail. At least your daughter saw it, and now she knows more. My son has seen some of the text messages and emails sent to me by my ex. He was surprised at the tone, and I told him that's how it usually is, because it is. So, now he knows more too.

You'd think they'd be smart enough to not put it in writing. But they can't control their N rages.

Douglasn, I have watched something similar go on next door for years (his mother lives next door). EVERY time some of their children/relatives from out of state came for a visit, there were accusations and questions about people stealing ... it is a weird deal ... they had money hidden all over the property and easily taken. There was always, it seemed, a war going on over what "so and so" had done and everyone was expected to ally themselves according to matriarchal preference or be shut out. It got nasty, to me, because I could see the inheritance being dangled out in front of them all and the very conditional, scripted "love" that would have to be performed ... to the end ... to "earn" the inheritance. Ugh. Makes me glad I don't have to worry about anyone dying and leaving me ... or not leaving me ... anything. I feel free to be genuine, mostly, with those I deal with ... and that is definitely worth money, as I have learned from therapy and other fees LOL!!

Escape ... I did go to jail for a short time in 2003 when I was held in contempt of Court. I refused to answer the judge and tell him where our children were (I was not hiding them; it was the principle, because I was tired of being terrorized and seeing our children terrorized every time I tried to exercise visitation). I had tried to get a protective order. Now, years later (and with more legal knowledge and able to better understand legal paperwork) I KNOW that someone in the system actually circumvented the protective order being served timely ... which gave him and his attorney time to file (spurious) Contempt charges against me, which "trumped" my request, filed in a different Court (where I lived).

From what I can tell, the civil system is actually a wonderful place for a predator/abuser to hide. Because the victim either has to know the law, hire an attorney (who can actually figure out what is going on) and of course there are things like statute of limitations ... torts and otherwise criminal (if it wasn't spouse/partner) actions are not always clear and apparent ... especially when the effects (shock, fear, anxiety, PTSD) are taken into consideration.

And THAT IS why I leave my FB unblocked ... "they can't control their N rages". The police told me I could block it, when I showed them some things in past and had complained about something else he did (which took $300 out of MY bank account).

I told the police I would rather KNOW if someone with malicious intent is following me down the street ("be aware of my surroundings"). Supposedly, he loves and is in love .... yet he is still volatile from something like that and taking it as a personal attack. Wish I could get someone from "the right side" so passionate about the injustice LOL. It just informs me to not be paranoid, but to know that he is still invested in keeping tabs on me ... not to get a false sense of reassurance.

It is true, too, the children start to be able to figure out the real and the PR they've been brought up under ... but one of the reasons I couldn't "just go" and let them "figure it out on their own". It took me years ... and I have seen that many, many, "professionals" were totally fooled ... and not interested in learning from their mistakes. Of course ... THEY don't have to deal with the consequences from them.