Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
http://www.divorcebattleguide.com/welcome.htm
Some excerpts:
"A custody dispute typically begins with a legalized kidnapping. Since the goal is to establish oneself as the primary caretaker, lawyers advise women to take the children and leave; or to get a protective order evicting the husband from the house; or to talk him into moving out "for a trial separation." Thus the mother can establish herself as the sole caretaker, and secure sole custody at the temporary hearing. Most lawyers will not give this advice to men. But some do, and this strategy can work for men as well." (This is what he did, with his brother, 1st time; I had no thought of divorce; I was sick of the fighting and was going to take myself and our children to stay with a friend ... hopefully for a few days only.)
"What you're fighting for is the ability to stay who your are, and to keep what you have now. Because, Bubba, what you've got is what she and her bloodsucking lawyer are gonna legally steal from you unless you can stop them cold." (And steal almost everything instead? Wow, seems pretty drastic and scummy, having gone through it!)
"Women often use PMS as an excuse to go nuts, and in doing so take a mortar position on Psycho Hill that lets them, with impunity, rain down verbal devastation on the poor husband. Even judges have been known to shake their heads sadly as the female rants on. But this often works to the woman's advantage. The old adage of smoke and fire may convince the judge that you must have done something terrible to drive her to such a state and to cause her to be so vindictive." (yeah, right)
"What Man Needs The Battlesite?
If you are a man who is married, you need to seriously think about checking this out. It doesn't matter if your marriage is still floating blissfully in the heavens..."
(because)
"Everyday, your wife is sucking in her strategy from articles, books, tv shows and friends' conversations which prepare her to take you to the wall, tear off your balls, and hang them from the rearview mirror of the car ..."
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I was looking for "scorched earth policy" as applied to legal strategies, after reading the term; I came across this page and I tell you, it is a bit tame when I think about some of the things that happened in the 1st divorce ... but I cannot remember ever having seen something like this (on-line or in print, etc) for women, despite the blather.
If nothing else, it looks like a nearly perfect N type thing, so I figured I'd share it because I have heard a lot of the crap this guy is spewing come out of HIS mouth. Better to be forewarned than ... blindsided, another strategy suggested here to the "men".
So it might be helpful, if you are in a bad divorce or anticipate same, at least portions. Destroying everything or getting rid of anything that might do me/our daughters some good if " he can't have what he demands" seems to be the policy in this N filing and action ... may it never happen to you.
An excellent resource for dealing with this kind of mentality and behavior is Bill Eddy's "Splitting." Or the articles at his site, http://highconflictinstitute.com/.
High Conflict People aren’t just difficult people, they're the MOST difficult people.
They pick a Target of Blame and assault that person verbally, physically, financially, etc. They promote high conflict divorces, lawsuits, complaints against co-workers, neighbors, friends and family. They sue professionals, gather negative advocates, cost employers lots of time and money. They convince everyone that it's all your fault! If you're dealing with a situation like this then you've come to the right place to get information, resources and tools to help you.
Some excerpts:
"A custody dispute typically begins with a legalized kidnapping. Since the goal is to establish oneself as the primary caretaker, lawyers advise women to take the children and leave; or to get a protective order evicting the husband from the house; or to talk him into moving out "for a trial separation." Thus the mother can establish herself as the sole caretaker, and secure sole custody at the temporary hearing. Most lawyers will not give this advice to men. But some do, and this strategy can work for men as well." (This is what he did, with his brother, 1st time; I had no thought of divorce; I was sick of the fighting and was going to take myself and our children to stay with a friend ... hopefully for a few days only.)
"What you're fighting for is the ability to stay who your are, and to keep what you have now. Because, Bubba, what you've got is what she and her bloodsucking lawyer are gonna legally steal from you unless you can stop them cold." (And steal almost everything instead? Wow, seems pretty drastic and scummy, having gone through it!)
"Women often use PMS as an excuse to go nuts, and in doing so take a mortar position on Psycho Hill that lets them, with impunity, rain down verbal devastation on the poor husband. Even judges have been known to shake their heads sadly as the female rants on. But this often works to the woman's advantage. The old adage of smoke and fire may convince the judge that you must have done something terrible to drive her to such a state and to cause her to be so vindictive." (yeah, right)
"What Man Needs The Battlesite?
If you are a man who is married, you need to seriously think about checking this out. It doesn't matter if your marriage is still floating blissfully in the heavens..."
(because)
"Everyday, your wife is sucking in her strategy from articles, books, tv shows and friends' conversations which prepare her to take you to the wall, tear off your balls, and hang them from the rearview mirror of the car ..."
*******************************************************************************************************************************
I was looking for "scorched earth policy" as applied to legal strategies, after reading the term; I came across this page and I tell you, it is a bit tame when I think about some of the things that happened in the 1st divorce ... but I cannot remember ever having seen something like this (on-line or in print, etc) for women, despite the blather.
If nothing else, it looks like a nearly perfect N type thing, so I figured I'd share it because I have heard a lot of the crap this guy is spewing come out of HIS mouth. Better to be forewarned than ... blindsided, another strategy suggested here to the "men".
So it might be helpful, if you are in a bad divorce or anticipate same, at least portions. Destroying everything or getting rid of anything that might do me/our daughters some good if " he can't have what he demands" seems to be the policy in this N filing and action ... may it never happen to you.
An excellent resource for dealing with this kind of mentality and behavior is Bill Eddy's "Splitting." Or the articles at his site, http://highconflictinstitute.com/.
High Conflict People aren’t just difficult people, they're the MOST difficult people.
They pick a Target of Blame and assault that person verbally, physically, financially, etc. They promote high conflict divorces, lawsuits, complaints against co-workers, neighbors, friends and family. They sue professionals, gather negative advocates, cost employers lots of time and money. They convince everyone that it's all your fault! If you're dealing with a situation like this then you've come to the right place to get information, resources and tools to help you.
Oh, UGH!.
Yup, this is our plan! Those of us who have spent almost half their lives in emotionally and verbally abusive relationships and didn't realize that that is what was wrong.
My husband had put the married woman's phone number in his cell phone under a guy friend's name; apparently, too, that is a common cheating tactic; since I don't cheat and haven't any interest in it, I only found out by accident.
I also realized just this past year that over the last 14 years, he has gone out to Washington State probably at least 10 or more times while we were married and during the time we were divorced. My daughter threw away a bankbook of his that showed he took out $1600 in 2001 the month he went out there ... gambling? But in 2010, right before he started his affair, he HAD to go there. I was trying to improve things, so I offered to go with ... he refused, saying I "would make (him) miserable." That pretty much tells me that all of those had to be a bit more than him just visiting his high school buddies ... he's gone 10 or more times and taken me ... ZERO.
I actually think it would be helpful to have more knowledge of what creeps do to fool you ... this guy was smiling in my face and acting all normal half an hour before taking off to go meet the other woman. Plus, it really does suck to get massively screwed over in divorce, especially to be put through a nervous breakdown. At least I learned and education is worth something.