Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I feel like....when Im at the bottom of the barrel I always somehow end up on this site....
Anyway nothing unusual but this boy really hurt me recently. I graduated from an MA program at USC film school. Now finally found a job after six months of searching at an entertainment company. Met this boy, working on his film set for free, two weekends in a row, until 6am both weekends. Worked my ass off helping him. I thought he was cute right away. And he was flirtatious with me right away. After I worked on his set we started texting. We texted for about a few weeks....and then my friend asked both of us to help her on her film, so we ended up working together again. When we started working together again, we made plans to hang out, strictly as friends. I was going to come to his place (he doesn't have a car and lives near campus) and we were going to watch each others movies.
Of course, his first idea is to drink, and he pulls alcohol out of his fridge. One thing lead to another and we slept together. It was NOT planned...AT ALL.
There was a point where we were talking and he just kissed me...and it made me smile and I liked it. But immediately after he kissed me he literally took his pants off and got naked. And I was drunk and confused and was asking him...wait...what are we doing? Whats happening here? I'm shy...I wasn't planning this. And he goes, "I want to fuck"
I was drunk, I felt awkward...I knew I had to work with him and a group of my friends for the next two weeks on long film shoots.....so I caved in. I didn't want to embarrass him..I didn't want things to be awkward when we worked together.
So we slept together. Once that time, and again the next morning. And for the next few weeks I kind of had to convince myself that I liked him and that the sex was something I wanted, even though I wasn't ready for it.
We started texting every day. He literally was asking me what I was doing and if I wanted to see him...almost every single day.
We worked on set one weekend and he couldn't stop hugging me and kissing my cheek and he was so affectionate. He would say that he liked me and that he missed me, and that we had a connection.
Out of nowhere, when I confided to one of my friends that we had hooked up, my friend went- STAY AWAY from him, he is bad news. He hooked up with Dream. Dream is this girl friend Thailand, and she is married. My friend was texting me as he was hanging out with them in a group and he was telling me how the guy I was "seeing" was cuddling with her all night and that they slept together and that he is a bad guy and that I should never see him again.
I ignored my friend...until I found out that this guy was going to bring HER on set to help him out. At that point I got really upset and hurt...I started being paranoid. Are they hooking up? Are they dating? Why is he bringing her on set, knowing that I will be there? Is he purposefully trying to hurt me? Am I just this girl that he slept with that he doesn't even care about?
So I decided to confront him. I told him that I found out they slept together and that its hurtful that he would bring her on set, knowing that I was going to be working there as well. Immediately he told me that these "RUMORS" weren't true, and that he never had any romantic or sexual relationships with her and that she is just a friend, and he would never hurt me. And that he liked me and it wouldnt change anything or how he felt about me. He also told me how "hurt" he was that I accused him of such a thing and that he thought I understood him and that I was wrong when I decided to believe others when none of that information was true.
He ended up telling her everything I said, so she never showed up
When we ended up working together a few days later, everything was cold. He barely looked at me, didn't hug me or anything like he used to. When we finally finished at 5AM I was ready to go home, and all of a sudden he asked me for a ride home.
I gave him a ride home and he invited me up.
I assumed at that point that he wanted to sleep with me and I told myself that I should sleep with him...itll make me feel closer to him. We will reconnect and forget these stupid rumors and we will "make up"
He was exhausted and so was I..and I had to go to work in literally three hours. So I tried to have sex with him multiple times.
I know he was exhausted and there were times when he said he just wanted to watch TV with me, but I just wanted to make him feel good and feel close to him again. Eventually he gave in, but the sex seemed cold and distant.
We were supposed to hang out the next night..but when I said my goodbyes and said "See you later?" he completely shut me down and said he is busy, when I knew he wasn't.
I texted him during the day to make sure he was ok. I could tell things were awkward sexually so I asked if I had done anything to make him feel uncomfortable and I apologized if I had
He didn't speak to me all day....until he called me at night. And then ACCUSED me of basically molesting him. He told me that I sexually "took advantage" of him and then proceeded to call me extremely clingy. Proceeded to tell me that he didn't want a girlfriend etc. etc...said he wasn't a "sexual" person.
But he was the one who initiated a sexual relationship. We had slept together for maybe four or five times. So me being horny one night and wanting to reconnect with him somehow screwed everything up? And made me some kind of molester?
He was the one asking me almost every day to see me. Literally texting me every day. Asking me to come over every day. He started ALL of it. And in the end pointed fingers at me and made me feel crazy
THEN, heres the twist. Out of nowhere the other woman, Dream, calls me. That very same night. She heard I was having trouble with him from my friend. And she made a FULL confession of everything. Told me everything was true. She cheated on her husband and slept with him, multiple times. How he was in love with her over the summer. How he still tries to invite her upstairs and sleep with her.
I ended up texting him how hurt I was. That he lied to me. That I feel he manipulated me....that I trusted him and he broke me.
I never heard from him again.
We have a lot of the same friends. I worry that we will run into each other and I am mortified at the idea. I just want to shut off and drink and run away from everyone. I don't feel like I am a part of USC anymore because of what he did. I don't know what to believe
Was I really clingy and did my desire to be sexual with him drive him away? Did it make me seem desperate for affection? I have just been in this tornado of self hate. I feel like an idiot for even texting him multiple times and telling him how much he hurt me. It will only give him ammo to accuse me of being crazy or clingy. I am just so hurt.....
Anyway nothing unusual but this boy really hurt me recently. I graduated from an MA program at USC film school. Now finally found a job after six months of searching at an entertainment company. Met this boy, working on his film set for free, two weekends in a row, until 6am both weekends. Worked my ass off helping him. I thought he was cute right away. And he was flirtatious with me right away. After I worked on his set we started texting. We texted for about a few weeks....and then my friend asked both of us to help her on her film, so we ended up working together again. When we started working together again, we made plans to hang out, strictly as friends. I was going to come to his place (he doesn't have a car and lives near campus) and we were going to watch each others movies.
Of course, his first idea is to drink, and he pulls alcohol out of his fridge. One thing lead to another and we slept together. It was NOT planned...AT ALL.
There was a point where we were talking and he just kissed me...and it made me smile and I liked it. But immediately after he kissed me he literally took his pants off and got naked. And I was drunk and confused and was asking him...wait...what are we doing? Whats happening here? I'm shy...I wasn't planning this. And he goes, "I want to fuck"
I was drunk, I felt awkward...I knew I had to work with him and a group of my friends for the next two weeks on long film shoots.....so I caved in. I didn't want to embarrass him..I didn't want things to be awkward when we worked together.
So we slept together. Once that time, and again the next morning. And for the next few weeks I kind of had to convince myself that I liked him and that the sex was something I wanted, even though I wasn't ready for it.
We started texting every day. He literally was asking me what I was doing and if I wanted to see him...almost every single day.
We worked on set one weekend and he couldn't stop hugging me and kissing my cheek and he was so affectionate. He would say that he liked me and that he missed me, and that we had a connection.
Out of nowhere, when I confided to one of my friends that we had hooked up, my friend went- STAY AWAY from him, he is bad news. He hooked up with Dream. Dream is this girl friend Thailand, and she is married. My friend was texting me as he was hanging out with them in a group and he was telling me how the guy I was "seeing" was cuddling with her all night and that they slept together and that he is a bad guy and that I should never see him again.
I ignored my friend...until I found out that this guy was going to bring HER on set to help him out. At that point I got really upset and hurt...I started being paranoid. Are they hooking up? Are they dating? Why is he bringing her on set, knowing that I will be there? Is he purposefully trying to hurt me? Am I just this girl that he slept with that he doesn't even care about?
So I decided to confront him. I told him that I found out they slept together and that its hurtful that he would bring her on set, knowing that I was going to be working there as well. Immediately he told me that these "RUMORS" weren't true, and that he never had any romantic or sexual relationships with her and that she is just a friend, and he would never hurt me. And that he liked me and it wouldnt change anything or how he felt about me. He also told me how "hurt" he was that I accused him of such a thing and that he thought I understood him and that I was wrong when I decided to believe others when none of that information was true.
He ended up telling her everything I said, so she never showed up
When we ended up working together a few days later, everything was cold. He barely looked at me, didn't hug me or anything like he used to. When we finally finished at 5AM I was ready to go home, and all of a sudden he asked me for a ride home.
I gave him a ride home and he invited me up.
I assumed at that point that he wanted to sleep with me and I told myself that I should sleep with him...itll make me feel closer to him. We will reconnect and forget these stupid rumors and we will "make up"
He was exhausted and so was I..and I had to go to work in literally three hours. So I tried to have sex with him multiple times.
I know he was exhausted and there were times when he said he just wanted to watch TV with me, but I just wanted to make him feel good and feel close to him again. Eventually he gave in, but the sex seemed cold and distant.
We were supposed to hang out the next night..but when I said my goodbyes and said "See you later?" he completely shut me down and said he is busy, when I knew he wasn't.
I texted him during the day to make sure he was ok. I could tell things were awkward sexually so I asked if I had done anything to make him feel uncomfortable and I apologized if I had
He didn't speak to me all day....until he called me at night. And then ACCUSED me of basically molesting him. He told me that I sexually "took advantage" of him and then proceeded to call me extremely clingy. Proceeded to tell me that he didn't want a girlfriend etc. etc...said he wasn't a "sexual" person.
But he was the one who initiated a sexual relationship. We had slept together for maybe four or five times. So me being horny one night and wanting to reconnect with him somehow screwed everything up? And made me some kind of molester?
He was the one asking me almost every day to see me. Literally texting me every day. Asking me to come over every day. He started ALL of it. And in the end pointed fingers at me and made me feel crazy
THEN, heres the twist. Out of nowhere the other woman, Dream, calls me. That very same night. She heard I was having trouble with him from my friend. And she made a FULL confession of everything. Told me everything was true. She cheated on her husband and slept with him, multiple times. How he was in love with her over the summer. How he still tries to invite her upstairs and sleep with her.
I ended up texting him how hurt I was. That he lied to me. That I feel he manipulated me....that I trusted him and he broke me.
I never heard from him again.
We have a lot of the same friends. I worry that we will run into each other and I am mortified at the idea. I just want to shut off and drink and run away from everyone. I don't feel like I am a part of USC anymore because of what he did. I don't know what to believe
Was I really clingy and did my desire to be sexual with him drive him away? Did it make me seem desperate for affection? I have just been in this tornado of self hate. I feel like an idiot for even texting him multiple times and telling him how much he hurt me. It will only give him ammo to accuse me of being crazy or clingy. I am just so hurt.....
The only thing that "drove him away" was the possibility of a real relationship. Be glad he's in your past. The boy has some major, major issues. Much more than one bad choice on your part.
If you do run into him just mutter to yourself "still the same" and move on....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfoufXs01KU
In any case, he has a history of sleeping with women and then running (ie the married women he slept with). I've known a few guys that actually preferred sleeping with married women just because they didn't want a relationship. They were totally scum. My ex thought the one guy was a good friend of his. It didn't stop his friend from hitting on me while my ex was sleeping though...
Seriously, this guy is a jerk. If the sex is good, and you use protection...then fine. But don't expect anything more, because he's not capable of it.
And if he ever appears to be in a committed relationship...don't believe it. Five or ten years later they'll probably go through an awful divorce.
My ex told me 'I was pressurising him for sex'. I quite literally want even doing anything. I mean, anything.
They really do spout some utter shit, any shit to push you away and get rid of you.
My ex also told me 'he didn't want to go with me in the first place'. When he was the one to ask me out.
They are utterly insane. Try try not to let it get under your skin.
I'd be very hurt if I was treated like that.
Big hug to you xxx
I always come here when I hit the bottom of the barrel too. Only place that makes sense :)
Ive been thinking about that comment and how it makes no sense at all.
Just total delusion
strong sexually and then back off suddenly just when you understandly would want
reassurance is a total mind f**k. Don't take the bait !! You did nothing wrong, a guy who
was into you and concerned about your feelings would be thrilled that you initiated sex.
After all, how many pity f**ks did you basically give him when you weren't really into
it?? You're fine, lucky you that you found out what an a hole he is before the relationship
went further Now unfortunately you'll have to deal with the fall out of having mutual
friends. He will probably tell him that you're mentally unstable nympho and that he
slept with you out of pity. That's how these guys roll. Probably everyone in the group
will be off limits now as far as a romantic relationship goes. Lesson learned.
So sorry that you had this crappy experience. There will be a nice guy out there that
both treats you well and is fun in the sack. Dont give up!!
This was DATE RAPE. Please don't kid yourself. You were fed too much alcohol in a private place and was put in a situation where it would be "awkward" to say NO to go from a kiss to his cock out.
These Narcissists are out there going around pushing on people's boundaries. When he finds a person who would never think like him and doesn't understand how manipulative people can be, they can find a way in because of the person being "nice" and wanting something in return- like approval.
Happened to me and now I never put myself in a situation where I cannot walk out at any time. Call me a control freak but I want my own car, in an area that I know my way around, and in a public place to get to know each other, etc...
Now that you know the script, you can see this again from a mile away. Always have an escape plan!
Hugs, Crystal