If DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is a crime, why is it that I can't have my mother-in-law charged with "aiding and abetting"? Just wondering .... I have too much time on my hands waiting for the divorce (2 years old tomorrow) to be settled ... since he would have HAD TO settle without her financial backing or basically, be a homeless person.

I was somewhat angry because last night, I posted a "humorous" restatement of my daughter's earlier remark to me in order to deal with all the stuff that came up in me.

My younger daughter, who just left college after I spent hundreds at the bookstore, since her FA was not finalized, sent me a text earlier in the day: My grandmother is financially destroyed because of you.You are only happy when you are hurting someone. I am changing my number ...

Now, my mother-in-law, not due to her own efforts, owns a 20 acre farm that she rents out for crop income. She has her bag of gold and whatever all that isn't in the bag. Plus she receives a check every month because her husband worked and earned credits. She did work some jobs here and there, but she has never supported even herself through her own efforts. I have and I spent the first 7 years of my marriage supporting my husband and our children by working full-time, working FT and school FT and FT job, PT job. When I retire, I will NEVER get my husband's check ... ONLY mine (and his would not be higher than mine, so no benefit there). Now normally, the check thing wouldn't bother me AT ALL. I understand that being a wife and mother is WORK, especially if you take it seriously. All the stories I hear is about her whipping everyone (but the oldest, her favorite) with a hairbrush a lot of the time. Taking the children on dumpster forays. How she would push everything back on the dining room table to make room for the mac-n-cheese and hotdogs for supper, again. And how she spent most of her days visiting with neighbors, drinking ice tea, always with two spoons of sugar.

Now, I am not hearing everything and I know that. But I have lived through all this ... she stole the family portrait (that I had to take time off from work to be in) TWICE from our house. I quit trying to get it back. She stole other things, too ... my sister-in-law once brought me a back from a "house cleaning" expedition that contained books of mine, medications and I don't remember what.

I am realizing that she and my husband colluded to prevent me from having more time (when divorced) with our children - I was supposed to have first right of care or whatever it's called. They actually taught the kids to lie and tell me "Daddy is sleeping" every time I called and he was out of state. When I realized that Daddy COULDN'T be sleeping that much, I pressed it lightly once and was told how much time they had been spending, cleaning the house. I left it because I sort of figured what was up.

So this woman, who would basically have next to nothing and really, should consider herself pretty damn blessed, is not only financing my husbands destructive rampage, but I am hearing this kind of crap from my DAUGHTER??!! I grant you, I know it doesn't mean that SHE said it, but my whole point has been the enabling behavior, etc ... IS WHY MY HUSBAND CAN'T "DO" MARRIAGE ... successfully. As much as he claims to despise MOMMIE, he runs to her ... this in no "level playing field", so I think some emotional response on my part is not out of line, but I have been trying to stick with either neurotic or mature defenses. So I posted on my FB page the following (mind you, they have a long standing story of how they are going to have to rent dumpsters to "clean the house" when she dies and then, they will set it afire; and no, they do not say this to her face.)

"So my mother in law has spent 400k at the dollar store and somehow, that is my fault."

(My Comment) Nothing is ever anyone's fault but mine ... I think that is that "scapegoat" thing again, being used to avoid looking into their own lives and failings. Pretty scary when you're too threatened to even step foot into a counselor's office but you like to throw others into enforced treatment ... and make them the "complete problem".
Wednesday at 4:03pm · Like
(Sister-in law comment) Dadda, face book is not the place for this.

No, FB is "not the place" Nor is MY LIFE the place for raising hell, stealing and trying to control me. Defy Court orders, unless they are against me. Child snatching my children, screaming at me when I go to sit with father-in-law in hospital, at the request of hospital staff. Or being FORCED (if I am going to stay married) to live 40 miles from a decent sized city, more career and educational options just to keep a promise to MOMMIE, but screw God, me and the children.

I just know that I am getting W-A-Y stressed and tired when my thoughts are: "the lesson in this is that you are developing fortitude to get through even tougher times in future." That is definitely not "positive" outlook and all have breaking point. I went to bed with a horribly severe headache and woke up with it. Finally, it has gone for now. I really hate this, especially how my daughters are so gullible. But I know the Ns want them dumbed down, incapable of thinking critically or applying logic. I haven't tried to get them to "take sides" although I have tried to explain that the divorce is unnecessarily being drawn out and I am being drained as a result, or that there is a spiritual/emotional "sickness" (and yes, I've gotten more specific but not with stellar results) that is causing this. Unfortunately, in past, I got drawn in before I caught on to some of the psychological games and got snippy, especially with days of stonewalling (oh, so effective because of course, the children don't remember Daddy yelling then) and triangulations where he and the children were all "against me" and they were acting out with absolute disrespect. It makes me want to cry, because I said some nasty things when I was a hurting teen and when I finally "got smarter" (understood), I just know how callous it sounds, despite my knowing how I was hurting, too. I hate this ...