Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
I'm still way behind ... trying to figure it all out ... not really, but unless my mind is absorbed, it's hard not to think!! I'm collecting walnuts (eww ... they are black ones ... apparently sought after but I bought some once and thought them nasty) as well as cans ... trying to make the most of daylight and "my share" of using the car.
Anyway, wanted to just make a new post to say thanks ...
Peacefullyfree ... I know that promise ... and I know there are lessons in this I probably won't "get" til later, but I SO wish, like Job, that I could just speak with God himself ... if I am not doing wrong, I think that I should be alright ... but I have NO IDEA what to make of this ... or what to do with it!! Thank you for prayers ... I know I need rest and continued strength.
Livelife: You are not the only person who mentions that I "sound better" ... which is weird, because about half the time, I feel like I might be about to "lose it"! And sometimes, wish I could!! But I am glad to hear it, because I am often the one saying "feelings aren't truth, only signals". So I will take that and realize that maybe this experience is not what I expected, not sure how to "cope" but doesn't mean things are as bad as they feel! Thanks!
I understand what you mean about "the name on the house". They want a divorce (supposedly) but then, when it REALLY comes down to it, they just want EVERYTHING ... including you to continue parenting ... for and with nothing! I'm glad to hear that you are happy with your progress .... and that you have his parents' support ... I hope peace in terms of getting through it all comes swiftly!
And yes, I do (or have) rolled my eyes ... but I admit what I do wrong ... and that's the rub of it, too. Who is noticing stuff like that in the midst of a near fatal heart attack? Trust a N person to (think so). And of course, no thanks for the ride, dropping everything I was doing ... and of course, I can't help but think how different things might be, had he not lived to wreak destruction! But at least I know the truth ... sets you free, but might make you (feel) awfully sick, first.
Sounds like you are doing great with your children ... everyone kept telling me "how to" talk with them in past ... it was when I threw away "expert" advice that my relationship got better and they started respecting me (though it ebbs and flows, due to "everything").
Spiritsprout: thank you ... I am not sure what my daughters think of me ... I can remember when the economy was bad, back in 82, and my father lost his business and our house. He did inspire me to some of this, despite our differences and difficulties ... I remember him pounding the pavement in Santa Monica, looking for work ... as well as taking a Saturday afternoon to change the brakes. I also remember a young woman I met in the shelter who was determined that her family give her $800 to get her brakes done ... wonder how that worked out? In terms of what a young woman thinks of as "success", I'm not that at the moment (my oldest kept telling me I "didn't have a job" when I was working a part-time and trying to get the on-line sales going ... not to mention the unpaid housework!!) but I am sure that they will understand differently in future, as I have already seen changes in them over the years and as the lies have not stood the test of time ... my main hope is that they NEVER "understand completely" for that would mean being in too similar a position.
Nancyneds: Yee-ha!! The brakes are fairly easy, particularly if your rotors and calipers are in good shape ... and BEST part of doing it yourself ... is you never have to pay for brake pads again! They give you your money back ... only the first set "costs". And if you get it down, it really doesn't (usually) take more time than a little more than a tire change!
Snowy ... this is the second car ... but apparently, the back brakes needed changed and had never been done. On my other car, I had some problems and I'm not even now quite sure how I fixed it, suffice to say that I finally got them working well ... and that, of course, was when everything else started to go :-)!
I do like to write, but it is somewhat agonizing. I like to talk too, but I do because I get some joy of sharing what I have learned .... or trying to get others to think ... so many people seem to be on "auto-pilot" and really not thinking ... I don't care that a person agrees with me ... just so long as they are alive and it shows!! I found some sites that help with editing ... I have some "bad habits" ... but it would be great not to stick my hands in garbage cans so much (they are often the BEST source of cans ... but I do have rubber gloves). So when I have a chance, I stick some of my writing into the "editor"; it helps me catch some of the things I need to improve. Sometimes I am afraid I'd have a hard time getting people to "stand me" but as they say, there's "someone for everyone" ... I just need to "find my niche".
Quepasa: you've been very helpful to me over the months ... and I am glad that things are going well for you. I remember I still have a story to tell ... don't know if you remember, by now. I think/hope the transportation is proper, just the brakes need some diagnosis and then can be properly fixed ... I'm just nervous because I was so familiar with my car ... I'm afraid of going through all I did and not "having a clue" all over again.
Anyway, wanted to just make a new post to say thanks ...
Peacefullyfree ... I know that promise ... and I know there are lessons in this I probably won't "get" til later, but I SO wish, like Job, that I could just speak with God himself ... if I am not doing wrong, I think that I should be alright ... but I have NO IDEA what to make of this ... or what to do with it!! Thank you for prayers ... I know I need rest and continued strength.
Livelife: You are not the only person who mentions that I "sound better" ... which is weird, because about half the time, I feel like I might be about to "lose it"! And sometimes, wish I could!! But I am glad to hear it, because I am often the one saying "feelings aren't truth, only signals". So I will take that and realize that maybe this experience is not what I expected, not sure how to "cope" but doesn't mean things are as bad as they feel! Thanks!
I understand what you mean about "the name on the house". They want a divorce (supposedly) but then, when it REALLY comes down to it, they just want EVERYTHING ... including you to continue parenting ... for and with nothing! I'm glad to hear that you are happy with your progress .... and that you have his parents' support ... I hope peace in terms of getting through it all comes swiftly!
And yes, I do (or have) rolled my eyes ... but I admit what I do wrong ... and that's the rub of it, too. Who is noticing stuff like that in the midst of a near fatal heart attack? Trust a N person to (think so). And of course, no thanks for the ride, dropping everything I was doing ... and of course, I can't help but think how different things might be, had he not lived to wreak destruction! But at least I know the truth ... sets you free, but might make you (feel) awfully sick, first.
Sounds like you are doing great with your children ... everyone kept telling me "how to" talk with them in past ... it was when I threw away "expert" advice that my relationship got better and they started respecting me (though it ebbs and flows, due to "everything").
Spiritsprout: thank you ... I am not sure what my daughters think of me ... I can remember when the economy was bad, back in 82, and my father lost his business and our house. He did inspire me to some of this, despite our differences and difficulties ... I remember him pounding the pavement in Santa Monica, looking for work ... as well as taking a Saturday afternoon to change the brakes. I also remember a young woman I met in the shelter who was determined that her family give her $800 to get her brakes done ... wonder how that worked out? In terms of what a young woman thinks of as "success", I'm not that at the moment (my oldest kept telling me I "didn't have a job" when I was working a part-time and trying to get the on-line sales going ... not to mention the unpaid housework!!) but I am sure that they will understand differently in future, as I have already seen changes in them over the years and as the lies have not stood the test of time ... my main hope is that they NEVER "understand completely" for that would mean being in too similar a position.
Nancyneds: Yee-ha!! The brakes are fairly easy, particularly if your rotors and calipers are in good shape ... and BEST part of doing it yourself ... is you never have to pay for brake pads again! They give you your money back ... only the first set "costs". And if you get it down, it really doesn't (usually) take more time than a little more than a tire change!
Snowy ... this is the second car ... but apparently, the back brakes needed changed and had never been done. On my other car, I had some problems and I'm not even now quite sure how I fixed it, suffice to say that I finally got them working well ... and that, of course, was when everything else started to go :-)!
I do like to write, but it is somewhat agonizing. I like to talk too, but I do because I get some joy of sharing what I have learned .... or trying to get others to think ... so many people seem to be on "auto-pilot" and really not thinking ... I don't care that a person agrees with me ... just so long as they are alive and it shows!! I found some sites that help with editing ... I have some "bad habits" ... but it would be great not to stick my hands in garbage cans so much (they are often the BEST source of cans ... but I do have rubber gloves). So when I have a chance, I stick some of my writing into the "editor"; it helps me catch some of the things I need to improve. Sometimes I am afraid I'd have a hard time getting people to "stand me" but as they say, there's "someone for everyone" ... I just need to "find my niche".
Quepasa: you've been very helpful to me over the months ... and I am glad that things are going well for you. I remember I still have a story to tell ... don't know if you remember, by now. I think/hope the transportation is proper, just the brakes need some diagnosis and then can be properly fixed ... I'm just nervous because I was so familiar with my car ... I'm afraid of going through all I did and not "having a clue" all over again.
your determination to push through is inspiring. Thanks for sharing your story.