Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
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I've been trying to remember a Norse myth I read a long time ago ... ever since I realized I'd been forced to "cope" with more than one person can, little bits and pieces of it started coming back to me ... I finally remembered enough and retrieved the tale from Wikipedia.
I really like this tale because Thor, Loki and Þjálfi seem like (and feel like) failures in what seem to be fairly "easy" contests. In the spirit of N, though, everything is based in illusion, delusion and deception. I think even in the ending, there is a lesson that can apply to us, especially as we gain strength through knowledge and acquiring wisdom ... and accomplishing. In the tale, I believe Útgarða-Loki reveals the truth (and impossibility) of the contests they were involved in, while with us, we find and understand the truth and are no longer subject to the "magic" ... and sometimes, it might be a long time coming, but at some point I believe it is likely true that we begin to understand and more fully, over time, what a contest we have waged ... and though "the task" we were engaged in is found to be impossible ... we end up accomplishing more and bigger things than we might have thought possible ... especially more so than if we'd known the truth early on.
I like the ending because I do think that, once we succeed in cleansing our hearts and minds and are more adept at recognizing illusions (of others), they would much prefer to stay clear of us ... and vice versa!. Anyway, it sort of speaks to me that way and hoping some of you can relate ... sometimes I get sort of down on what I HAVEN'T accomplished, but sometimes it sort of awes me ... some of the things I've been doing or attempting ... and I KNOW it's not for lack of effort or knowledge on my part that I haven't yet moved the mountain!
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According to the Prose Edda book Gylfaginning, Thor, Þjálfi and Loki, during their travel to Útgarðr, unwittingly settle for the night and sleep in the glove of a giant named Skrýmir ("Big-looking"[1]), an incident for which Thor is ridiculed in several poems of the Poetic Edda. The giant accompanies them on their travel and tricks their food from them. Starved and in rage, Thor tries to kill Skrýmir while the giant sleeps, but fails because the giant magically shields himself behind a mountain.
Once Thor and his fellows arrive at Útgarða-Loki, a castle so tall that they must bend back their necks to see its roof, Útgarða-Loki challenges them with several contests, all based on magical delusions. Loki participates in an eating contest against fire personified. Þjálfi competes in running against the mind of Útgarða-Loki. Thor first tries to empty a drinking horn connected to the sea, then tries to lift Jörmungandr in the appearance of a cat, and finally, in rage, wrestles with Elli, Old Age personified.
Despite their failures in the contests, Útgarða-Loki now treats them respectfully. As they leave the castle the next morning, Útgarða-Loki says:
nú skal segja þér hit sanna, er þú ert út kominn or borginni, at ef ek lifi ok megak ráða, þá skaltu aldri optarr í hana koma; ok þát veit trúa mín, at aldri hefðir þú í hana komit, ef ek hefða vitat áðr, at þú hefðir svá mikinn krapt með þér, ok þú hafðir svá nær haft oss mikilli ófœru. Enn sjónhverfingar hefi ek gert þér, svá at fyrsta sinn, er ek fann þik á skóginum, kom ek til fundar við yðr; ok þá er þú skyldir leysa nestbaggann, þá hafðak bundit med gresjárni, enn þú fannt eigi, hvar upp skyldi lúka. [...] Enn er þú drakkt af horninu, ok þótti þér seint liða; en þát veit trúa min, at þá varð þat unðr, er ek munda eigi trúa at vera mætti; annarr endir hornsins var út i hafi, enn þat sáttú eigi; enn nú, er þú kemr til sjávarins, þá muntú sjá mega, hvern þurð þú hefir drukkit á sænum; þat eru nú fjörur kallaðar.
"I shall tell you the truth, now you are out of my castle, and if I live and have a say, you shall never enter it again, and I would indeed never have let you in if I had known your strength beforehand, and you were very close to bringing us a great disaster. You see, I cast delusions on you, so that it was I who met you at first in the forest; and when you tried to untie the food bag, I had tied it with a magic wire, and you did not find out how to untie it. [...] And when you drank from the horn and thought it slow to sink, I dare say that was a miracle I had not expected to be possible; the far end of the horn was submerged in the sea, but you did not see that. Now, when you come to the shore, you will see what kind of sip you drank from the sea; there is now a sandy beach where there used to be water."
On hearing this, Thor grabs his hammer and prepares to strike, when Útgarða-Loki and his castle magically disappear, leaving only a beautiful prairie.
I really like this tale because Thor, Loki and Þjálfi seem like (and feel like) failures in what seem to be fairly "easy" contests. In the spirit of N, though, everything is based in illusion, delusion and deception. I think even in the ending, there is a lesson that can apply to us, especially as we gain strength through knowledge and acquiring wisdom ... and accomplishing. In the tale, I believe Útgarða-Loki reveals the truth (and impossibility) of the contests they were involved in, while with us, we find and understand the truth and are no longer subject to the "magic" ... and sometimes, it might be a long time coming, but at some point I believe it is likely true that we begin to understand and more fully, over time, what a contest we have waged ... and though "the task" we were engaged in is found to be impossible ... we end up accomplishing more and bigger things than we might have thought possible ... especially more so than if we'd known the truth early on.
I like the ending because I do think that, once we succeed in cleansing our hearts and minds and are more adept at recognizing illusions (of others), they would much prefer to stay clear of us ... and vice versa!. Anyway, it sort of speaks to me that way and hoping some of you can relate ... sometimes I get sort of down on what I HAVEN'T accomplished, but sometimes it sort of awes me ... some of the things I've been doing or attempting ... and I KNOW it's not for lack of effort or knowledge on my part that I haven't yet moved the mountain!
******************************************************
According to the Prose Edda book Gylfaginning, Thor, Þjálfi and Loki, during their travel to Útgarðr, unwittingly settle for the night and sleep in the glove of a giant named Skrýmir ("Big-looking"[1]), an incident for which Thor is ridiculed in several poems of the Poetic Edda. The giant accompanies them on their travel and tricks their food from them. Starved and in rage, Thor tries to kill Skrýmir while the giant sleeps, but fails because the giant magically shields himself behind a mountain.
Once Thor and his fellows arrive at Útgarða-Loki, a castle so tall that they must bend back their necks to see its roof, Útgarða-Loki challenges them with several contests, all based on magical delusions. Loki participates in an eating contest against fire personified. Þjálfi competes in running against the mind of Útgarða-Loki. Thor first tries to empty a drinking horn connected to the sea, then tries to lift Jörmungandr in the appearance of a cat, and finally, in rage, wrestles with Elli, Old Age personified.
Despite their failures in the contests, Útgarða-Loki now treats them respectfully. As they leave the castle the next morning, Útgarða-Loki says:
nú skal segja þér hit sanna, er þú ert út kominn or borginni, at ef ek lifi ok megak ráða, þá skaltu aldri optarr í hana koma; ok þát veit trúa mín, at aldri hefðir þú í hana komit, ef ek hefða vitat áðr, at þú hefðir svá mikinn krapt með þér, ok þú hafðir svá nær haft oss mikilli ófœru. Enn sjónhverfingar hefi ek gert þér, svá at fyrsta sinn, er ek fann þik á skóginum, kom ek til fundar við yðr; ok þá er þú skyldir leysa nestbaggann, þá hafðak bundit med gresjárni, enn þú fannt eigi, hvar upp skyldi lúka. [...] Enn er þú drakkt af horninu, ok þótti þér seint liða; en þát veit trúa min, at þá varð þat unðr, er ek munda eigi trúa at vera mætti; annarr endir hornsins var út i hafi, enn þat sáttú eigi; enn nú, er þú kemr til sjávarins, þá muntú sjá mega, hvern þurð þú hefir drukkit á sænum; þat eru nú fjörur kallaðar.
"I shall tell you the truth, now you are out of my castle, and if I live and have a say, you shall never enter it again, and I would indeed never have let you in if I had known your strength beforehand, and you were very close to bringing us a great disaster. You see, I cast delusions on you, so that it was I who met you at first in the forest; and when you tried to untie the food bag, I had tied it with a magic wire, and you did not find out how to untie it. [...] And when you drank from the horn and thought it slow to sink, I dare say that was a miracle I had not expected to be possible; the far end of the horn was submerged in the sea, but you did not see that. Now, when you come to the shore, you will see what kind of sip you drank from the sea; there is now a sandy beach where there used to be water."
On hearing this, Thor grabs his hammer and prepares to strike, when Útgarða-Loki and his castle magically disappear, leaving only a beautiful prairie.
I get it. The power of myth has spoken to the hearts of man and woman down through the ages. And, yes, I know that my ex-NH rues the day he met me and used his lies and manipulations to lure me into his arms and into a marriage built on lies. He has fully admitted that he lied on purpose as he thought I had a big retirement pension that he could tap to better fund his own retirement. He did not want a wife to love and cherish . . . he wanted one who could add money to the community coffers and fund his gamboling and retirmement years. Jokes on him, my pension is so tiny it is too small to go to the bank on its own. Your mythy speaks of such deception and the sadden awakening that comes to the the liar when they find that there victim was too strong to surcumb to their lies for long. I wised up and left the field of battle, just like your mythical heros. Thanks for sharing.
I know I am an intelligent woman, at least in certain areas ... so I guess when I realized that I have been "asked" (forced :-) ) to do the impossible and then, keep doing ... my intelligence finally informed me "this is impossible" (for one person).
I have to smile at your statement ... ex had told me in past he thought my father was rich, when he met me. I was working in a place and I seemed "above it". Hell, I just know how to make the proverbial nickel stretch .... and then, scream for mercy! Plus, I am a hard worker and motivated. Too bad for him that he didn't "get it" now, "too bad for me" that I didn't get it until a bit before now ... but I can be glad that even so, I ended with honor, a character trait that is often absent in this day and age ... and always a treasure when it is found!
PS I don't think you up and left; I think you chose the wisest strategy for conditions; I have not read a great deal on war, but apparently there are generals and strategies which are still studied today, for their wisdom and knowledge. :-)