Oh, the memories of being sick, with a cold, a flu, stones in my bladder, cancer and the man was all over me as I slept because his needs had to be met. What he remembers today, is that I would push him away!!! MMMMM yeah, I am sick as a dog!!!! They can be the most selfish in bed. But then they are the most selfish in everything they do. It's all about them, what they want, want they need, what they feel they are entitled to. I can remember going through the process of divorce and him thinking and feeling that we should still have sex because legally I WAS STILL HIS WIFE. The mental thinking is insane.

And I do understand what you are saying when you mention that your children have had their fill of him. An outsider, can see so much clearer than us. My friends, and siblings, cousins and co workers thought I lost my mind being married to this man. Sure being in construction, he worked on our home all the time, and honestly did a beautiful job with everything he touched. But the truth is, I never so much as picked out a color of paint. He did it all and never once thought I should even be asked. I would come home from work and something would be knocked and construction work was being done. It was like I was a guest in my own home.

What he has now, well he got smart. He got his home on his own, did everything he wanted, then brought her in on weekends. She is truly a guest, like he wanted. He doesn't have to hear a wife complain and whine that things should be shared. The ideas and suggestions have to be agreed on. This is his home. I am amazed that he allows her animals to come on weekneds when he already has a pet of his own but then again this is the compromise to having someone there for him. He actually caved on that, so he could have his supply. With me, and his first wife, animals were in one room, contained, and really not even looked at.

And do have my memories of him sitting on the sofa, never moving, suggestion I run to the store and get that ice cream that he so desires, or make him dinner and serve him infront of the TV, and of going to bed as early at 7:30 or 8PM and expecting me to do the same. Now, his new supply sees someone retired, no limit on his time or sleep, goes out dancing, sees HER FRIENDS (for he has none of his own) and I tell you it just makes me sick. Sometimes I think she got a completely different man.

Do you believe this man makes her breakfast? Do you believe this man does the food shopping (so he just spends so much....god forbide he gives you money to spend on their food), does laundry and makes the bed. This woman thinks she found the Gem of a lifetime? I tell you it makes me sick to my stomach.

you know what they say sunny. devil at home, saint in public.....

that used to really upset me in my family...

my last relationship was with someone who was probably a sociopath which automatically means he's a narcissist.... i felt like i was an object there only to meet his every whim. the more i did the more he felt entitled to. never a thank you, please, i'm sorry. the expectation just grew and grew the more i did for him. and boy did i run around trying to please him at first. i wanted to feel like i was taking good care of him. but it just ended up sucking me dry b/c whatever i did was never enough. and the rules changed in the game frequently for me too.

truly exhausted and when i first got on the scene of wwltm i felt like i was an utter failure.....somehow he had convinced me that it really WAS my fault... i think it's supreme tha tyuo are here asking questions b/c that's how i figured it out for myself... that what they talk about in the books about narcissists i couldn't see in him. but what i could identify with the most was the characteristics of other women who had "survived" relationships with narcissists.

i have a grad degree in clinical psych and i still couldn't see him in the text book. it was in the learning about the idealize, devalue, discard. or the the gas lighting. or the blame. or the never being good enough. the not enough air in the relationship for me b/c he needs it all. it's all about him....

whether your husband is a N or not hopefully you will still be able to allow yourself to identify the characteristics other women describe too. it's a crazy making disorder................ and we are a highly sensitive lot, not wanting to label or accuse or pathologies or give the benefit of the doubt b/c of all the good qualities that we fell for in the first place...... by the end of my relationship he was not one of those things i fell in love with but i wanted him more than ever... how messed up is that????????

I am getting better. When he asked me to work yesterday I said I was ill and I wasn't really up to it. (BUt in the end I did ) It was work or cancel the class, he knew I wouldn't let the kids down. He got really cross and slammed the doors and swore etc….but I felt ok. I didn't feel fear or sick or shake. I just felt justified in saying I was still ill. I did work but when we came home and he plonked himself on the sofa, so did I. I told him he can't have a working wife and dinner ready when he gets home too. I wasn't budging. In fact I fell asleep pretty much straight away.
He made toast.

I am furious with him. I am sick of his attitude to me. My daughter says, just stop, stop doing everything for him. But how do I do that now I have always done it?! I am ok with that of he is working and I am not, thats fair. But when I am working too its not fair. And there is only us, no children ( only at weekends)