I made it back. Driving has become a stressful experience ... and snow certainly hasn't helped that.

On a bright note, there was no charge for the tow ... I called a place affiliated with the mechanics who worked on her car; since she just got it back two days ago, they billed it to them. My daughter was nearly in tears earlier. She told me she had texted her father but he never replied; that was somewhat (?) upsetting to her as well.

When I left her, I told her that if she has children, she will be full of wisdom from all these experiences at least. Even if she doesn't, II suppose she is learning a lot and hopefully, it will be of help in the future.

So I am glad something good in the midst of the turmoil ... but it sure would be NICE if things would quit going haywire, for long enough to at least catch our breath ... a bit longer than that would be excellent!

Driving in bad weather is so stressful. I awoke this morning to frozen fog and ice. The roads are slick and hazardous, and there's still a ton of snow around. I am truly looking forward to spring.

I think you're right regarding the negative aspect of your daughters being ignored and treated badly from their N father. It can be used as a positive tool in life. Learning life lessons can be so painful.

Hoping things start going smoother for you and your daughters. You all have been through a lot, and while that can make one stronger in the big scheme of things, you need a break to be able to recharge your batteries and rest your weary body and mind. I know how exhausting it can be, and hope you're able to catch some big breaks soon! Hang in there!

Thanks, Spiritsprout ... and I LOVE your cardinal. We have one that has been landing outside the front window lately. Life feels more cheery when he stops by!

Fog and ice - no fun with either one. We've had a lot of travel restrictions here lately due to weather. What (to me) is sad is that people are supposed to NOT travel, according to authority, but employers expect them to work. There were employers saying they'd pay tickets. A lot of news sites had people questioning whether they should obey authority or employer ... no mention of their own good sense. Just reminds me of what causes a lot of problems for people ... including us (especially past!).

Usually, I like February cause it is a short month and know Spring is right around the corner ... this is the first "real" winter I think we've had ... in years. Saw that the low on Monday is -7. Here we go again!

I hit white out about three times in a two mile drive in the last round ... it is so disorienting. But a near neighbor is in the hospital with broken neck (hit by car while plowing) and a 21 year old was killed when she pulled onto the highway in front of a semi.

I guess that is part of what makes things frustrating. I know that exN refusal to do anything rationally and even trying to destroy ... IS the main cause of how things are. So I worry a bit, about the cars, because I would definitely see his part in any thing that happens because of lack of money/ability to take care of things ... but I apparently would be the only one around here to know that. If we had made break and I went off and was irresponsible/stupid, that would be on my own head. I just know daughter would be HERE if he hadn't terrorized her with foreclosure and gone ahead with it ... just for spite. So am hanging in, but sort of frustrated!

So sorry to hear that car troubles are still a huge ongoing hassle and pain...Whenever I read about your cars and how they are in need of TLC..I wish I could win the lotto and send you a few brand new cars...

My ex also tossed me aside to scrape by...and right now he's recently inherited a large sum of money....and I can't afford a car..and am constantly struggling to keep a roof over my head and my sons..and its taken me a good few years to clear debts that 'he' incurred in my name..

Right now he's throwing the cash around to impress my son..he just bought him a lovely car and of course now he is fab Daddy of the year..when I've done ALL the work..and when I've picked up all the pieces..and when I have singlehandedly kept three children warm alive fed and well....without a single bit of help from him...

Unfortunately life isn't easy or fair..but I still work hard to find things to be grateful for....I'm very grateful that he's not in my life any more..or in my head..I refuse to give him my headspace any more..no matter what he is doing.. or not doing....I am worth so much more..than to waste my good self..on being preoccupied with him.

I'm also very very grateful that I'm not as yet..(please God fingers tightly crossed) homeless or hungry..and I'm very grateful that my kids are safe and in most ways..are flourishing in their lives..and also especially that... I'm still breathing and alive..

I personally find that reading Ekhart Tolles opinions/writings... really helps me get a hugely helpful attitude of gratitude... no matter how difficult things can be..or are... or seem..

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-Talks-to-Eckhart-Tolle/5

Keep the faith that you will keep surviving... as you have so impressively..managed to.. already all along..and I hope for you that you can keep recognising any possible reasons for new hope..

As you so clearly are a very valuable special unique and strong woman and survivor..and you have well proved that already...

Virtual hugs for further strength... wished for you xx

I will join your pity party. The sewer line has been frozen here for two weeks. I have water coming into the house just fine, but it has nowhere to go! The bathroom has flooded twice.

She could have scrapped the car and lease another in better condition where the company do all the repairs or replace the car looooooong before 5 months! What invested interest does she have in a car that is so decrepid now? Old rundown cars are only going to cause problem after problem. If she insists on holding onto that clunker than it is no more empathy from me towards her. You got to do the same thing. Otherwise she will never see the reality of the situation. Can't tell her who to see or not see, presuming she is no longer a minor under your parental authority. But you don't let her cry on your shoulder all the time because the old clunker is doing what old clunkers do.....falling apart. You are enabling her to fight to keep an old clunker. There are times when she needs her Mom. But there are times when she has to face reality, as with the car. Sounds like you are too emotionally involved with her old clunker car.. I may be wrong. But now you got to take care of YOU.

My pity party starts Tuesday. Apparently we have another storm coming to my area. Ice this time. Ice in the south is worse than other areas of the country. I truly believe the power lines are held together with zip ties. I still have a hydrant that's shut down and 300 feet of water hose that will have to be drained. The extra tubs I just took out of the fields will be put back and filled to overflowing.I will spend tomorrow and part of Tuesday getting this farm ready for bad weather again with no help. I'm starting to feel like I did at the end of my marriage. Over worked and not appreciated.

That darn horse Abe will need his blanket on and all hay under the sheds. Weather like this makes me ask myself why I have a farm. I'm wondering why I keep trying to make money at this. Hopefully the storm doesn't happen but I have to prepare for the worst and that would be no power. These horses look to me for food and water and I know I won't see their owners on here asking to help me.

Vonnie, thanks! I really don't feel strong or anything ... and even strength needs rest and recuperation (I know you know that!!) I feel irritable because of being emotionally and otherwise drained; I know that irritability comes out and makes me seem like a "B" rather than someone who's just been trying for so long. But I appreciate your comments ... I have been looking in the "mental mirror" too long and probably, it's getting sort of warped. At times, I appreciate that strength and intelligence have gotten me this far (plus help from friends and even people who I've never met ... thank you all!) ... and faith. Your mention of faith and your link reminded me of two verses that I have been thinking of a lot, lately.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

and:

"...that we were burdened beyond our strength, so that we were weary even of life."

Guess lately I have been feeling crushed, despairing and etc. Has been hard to write ... sometimes I will spend a great deal of time writing a post, here or elsewhere, then I erase it. I suppose the worst of it is knowing, back when, all I NEEDED was a "screwdriver" (metaphorical) but NO I was not allowed to have that ... now I am left with a "Superfund site" and I damn well don't want it. It's NOT MY LIFE so take this crap and shove it!! (I feel better having said that; I'd feel excellent to say it to those who NEED to hear it.) I am really grateful, for a lot of things, but it IS making me angry that help, etc, has been more or less wasted to keep us afloat when this need not and should not be (and I am pretty certain nobody, like the attorney or judge would tolerate it in their own lives). I guess the "wisdom to know the difference" is telling me some of this IS changeable, but maybe I am not the right person ... either way, the wisdom doesn't necessarily come with directions LOL (if I can smile I always think that is a good sign :-)). Hugs to you too and I so hope that "your turn" is coming right around the corner (for us all, actually) because you have been a great encouragement, to me for sure but I think others, too ... as well as your children!

Bedhog: I am sorry to hear about the sewer problem. We are on septic and I learned how to check the tank and so on after calling out the truck when there was backup ($200). I've learned to watch the repair people and ask questions ... it's helped with a lot of things ... the septic, the freezer, obviously the cars. Are you on a public system or what? I couldn't think that if you are they could let it go so long. Depending on the situation, there are a few fairly simple fixes that might work. I had to deal with the shower that wasn't draining this past weekend, too ... am glad to report it is back to normal. But I'd be glad to pass along some tips or links if you care to share some additional details!

Douglasn: I see your points and believe me, I've had a few people give me suggestions. I am always in that quandary, unfortunately, for several reasons, of wondering if my help/support/encouragement is "appropriate". Partly because I know the temptation is there, no matter what, to "show" the N up or show I am more "caring" or make up for the past ... whatever ... there are probably too dynamics of which I am not aware. Plus being her mother ... there ARE times when one daughter or the other have pulled that card of "you decided to have children ... deal with it". That one and similar never go down well in my book, because that is when I start hearing "N echoes" and that's likely to set me off!

Actually, she is sort of in the bind I was in after the first divorce (from him). I had a car that was mechanically sound, other than an oil leak from him hitting an ice chunk or something ... but we had to keep adding oil on a regular basis. Oh, the car had no heat and that was before I had learned anything about cars ... it was "totalled" shortly before the divorce, when a young man pulled out in front of me. I couldn't stop in time or get out of the way, because of on-coming traffic. So the hood was crumpled up pretty well and wouldn't open ... BUT I was able to rig up a funnel and hose, reach in through the open area of the hood and add oil. The insurance company wanted to give me $800. I told them that wouldn't work, because there was NO WAY I was going to find a car for $800 that I could trust mechanically. So I got to keep the car as well as the money ... as I was still having to wait for the grudging and pitiful settlement.

She was crying not to be pitiful, but she had to wait 5 1/2 months to get her car fixed and though her father and I are supposed to be providing support, she had to use student loan money to get the repairs done. He refused to turn over her money and owes back support of almost $5000 ... hasn't paid a dime in months and had to spend a lot to get a wage garnishment (all the attorney's doing, and she should have garnished his SSDI instead of his wages, as I have learned ... another reason I'm "mad as hell" ... since now he is again not working. I've broken down in tears several times in the past few months with this car I've been forced to deal with ... anyway, her credit is RUINED and again, that is because she has medical and education bills that are LEGALLY in her name (acquired after she was 18) but she was still in high school and our dependent ... they ARE our responsibility. I was paying what I could ... but he told me straight out, twice, that he would use the divorce process to bankrupt me ... and once, in regard to Court orders, that the "judge could go F* himself". Her car is a Toyota and a usually reliable model. I actually was the one who suggested that she spend the money to get the engine changed out rather than get an unknown quantity (the car I now have is supposed to be a "good" car and the church people gave it to me for mine. Wish I had my old one back!).

On a happier note,. it sounds like a radiator hose might have burst. There are a lot of parts she's had fixed, so we pretty much know the whole history of the car, but there are still parts that weren't replaced. And fortunately, there was no out of pocket costs for the tow. She gave me $20 for gas, too, and insisted I take it, for picking her up and getting her home. I think that it is going to be fairly minor ... they did a full check on the whole car, but I can see missing a weak hose. I think once this is taken care of it should be a pretty reliable car for the next few years ... and that was my main concern, since she can't get any credit to buy one (and would be stuck with much higher insurance for the length of the loan). She is learning, though, too ... she got two tires for it the day after she picked it up, per their recommendations and when I asked her what she added to the radiator, she told me she put in 50/50 mix. Last winter I had to work on it because she had put straight water in the radiator and it slushed up ... she is getting that stuff, too.

And yeah, I don't tell them not to see their father. I'm not in their shoes, but I know it has to be hard, because they really are "getting it" but some of that is on the intellectual level ... not completely down to the emotional level. My older daughter has very little contact with her father/other relatives; actually the younger is about the same but they still feel "responsible" at times because of their father's health and how they've been manipulated to take inappropriate responsibility. But my younger daughter got a call the other day, just after she got the car back, from her father, who told her she needed to go back (to where we live, nearly 20 miles away) and shovel her grandmother's because she had a doctor's appointment. My daughter told him, "No." And she has told her father, "No." And I am happy to say that is not my doing, other than teaching them to be critical thinkers. They have been really seeing the double standard of behavior from that realm and not being rude, just refusing to keep tolerating it ...

But on one last note: there are things they both do that I don't agree with. I will "say my piece" and if they want to continue on (if it's not affecting me), well, they are going to learn from consequences, or they might get lucky or I might be wrong.

She reminded me last night, too that her father had told her he quit paying the mortgage and not to tell me or her sister (who is moving in a few months). He is actually the reason that she is "freaking out". He KNOWS that SHE is the "reason" he would have to pay the mortgage her (support) BUT since he scared her out, now she can deal with "life" ill prepared so that, once again, he can have HIS WAY. He has been telling her he "can't pay the bills" and about foreclosure the past 2 1/2 years ... I'm not surprised she moved out ... it is stressful when you have an evil person constantly making threats and problems. When she first told me what her father said, I told my attorney, who wrote to his, who responded that "Daddy Dearest" had NO problems paying the mortgage ... he is a liar and willing to scare crap out of his own children to do harm ... and doesn't give a fig what that does to them. Makes it hard for me to be objective in the right way ... I try. But I will breathe a sigh of relief when they are in their own lives and out of this mix ... 'cause then I will obviously be able to attend 100% to things differently than now!

I do get your drift, though and I appreciate the no-nonsense suggestions. Just that I must say, "mea culpa" for the car and hoping I made the right decision to suggest this course of action ... the mechanic thinks it will last her at least two years pretty much trouble free with routine maintenance ... and gave us a list of things that they found that will need work, though nothing immediate or hazardous (other than tires). He did also inform us the work was more than what the salable value would be ... I appreciate the candor and they kept the car there the whole time without charging storage fees or anything ... some places would have put a mechanic's lien on or forced us to have it towed back and forth til the money was there for the repairs.

Trisha: hoping the worst of the ice misses you. I can't believe this winter, though I suppose in a lot of respects it is so much more "typical" than recent ones. I hate ice and I think I pretty well know what you mean about the power lines. I know whenever we have a lot of high winds or ice, I am always so grateful when the electric doesn't go out. It sounds like a lot of work, but I know that I was glad of the advance warnings when the Midwest was getting hit by tornadoes a couple months ago. I was able to get a lot done in preparation and often, I am pretty oblivious to the weather but make it a habit to look at the weather channel etc on line. I like preparing and having nothing happen better than having to deal with not being prepared ... although I am going sort of stir crazy, being in the country but no farm. I would be glad to help you, just to have some pleasant conversation and something meaningful to do ... that's gotta be the one major drawback to on-line relationships ... Keep us posted and I hope things end up going smoothly and no major storm for you! I hope too that even more things start looking up ... it sounds like the efforts have been there ... now for some results! Hugs to you,

and hugs to you all!

Unfortunately the sewer line is my responsibility. With the rain and warm temps that melted some of the snow and then quickly refroze, it has tied up the main drain. I knew it needed to be dug up and replaced soon, but it was working so I let it go. I am cutting my losses with this house as soon as I can.

It looks like I will be in the middle of this storm. I've had cold rain all day and by morning when I try to feed these horses I should have some ice forming. I have the tubs full of water, I have enough hay and I made it to the feed stores. Feeding in the morning will be doable ( is that a real word?) but I will have difficulty feeding tomorrow night and Thursday morning. I can use my truck and the farm cart to charge my phone. Both are full of gasoline. I will probably lose my power. My daughter in Atlanta has to work tomorrow night. The hospital is pretty good about getting them to work and home again. This is not as much fun as it used to be and its almost more of a challenge than I want but I have to do this.

I haven't heard from the daughter in MS. She is in the middle of this too but no news means she is okay.