Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
This really resonated with me, anyone else?
From the dealing with toxic people blogspot:
"Imagine your entire life you were told by your Narcissistic parent (Nparent) that
Bikes are only for selfish & lazy people, for conceited people who only care about
themselves, being w/themselves, and don't care about others. They are self-absorbed
and don't care about the feelings of others. In other words people who ride bikes are
Narcissists (Ns). This is what Children who live in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism)
are taught, so that we stay trapped & dependent on the Nparent. Self-Care is like
riding a bike, because it provides Freedom & Independence and when your
surroundings are abusive it provides an much needed Escape."
You can access the full article here:
http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.com/2011/09/self-care-is-like-riding-bike.html
This is a huge issue for me, as I have an entrenched pattern of running around
taking care of everyone else until I'm exhausted. Then I find myself struggling with
"taking care of business"--so that between the chronic exhaustion and
disorganization, I feel receptive to the destructive message of the narcs
that still sometimes occupy my life--that I'm crazy and basically useless.
For me getting out is all about getting better, getting stronger. I still feel
so broken, and I can trace a lot of that now to my struggle with self-care.
I either feel guilty taking the time or I think that I don't deserve it.
I also think that part of the allure for me about N's, is that in the beginning
they will often say how great I am and encourage me to take care of myself.
Of course that all goes away in the end, but really there is no need for me
to be dependent on others for permission to take good care of myself. One
of my goals is to become great at guilt free self care.
From the dealing with toxic people blogspot:
"Imagine your entire life you were told by your Narcissistic parent (Nparent) that
Bikes are only for selfish & lazy people, for conceited people who only care about
themselves, being w/themselves, and don't care about others. They are self-absorbed
and don't care about the feelings of others. In other words people who ride bikes are
Narcissists (Ns). This is what Children who live in the KoN (Kingdom of Narcissism)
are taught, so that we stay trapped & dependent on the Nparent. Self-Care is like
riding a bike, because it provides Freedom & Independence and when your
surroundings are abusive it provides an much needed Escape."
You can access the full article here:
http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.com/2011/09/self-care-is-like-riding-bike.html
This is a huge issue for me, as I have an entrenched pattern of running around
taking care of everyone else until I'm exhausted. Then I find myself struggling with
"taking care of business"--so that between the chronic exhaustion and
disorganization, I feel receptive to the destructive message of the narcs
that still sometimes occupy my life--that I'm crazy and basically useless.
For me getting out is all about getting better, getting stronger. I still feel
so broken, and I can trace a lot of that now to my struggle with self-care.
I either feel guilty taking the time or I think that I don't deserve it.
I also think that part of the allure for me about N's, is that in the beginning
they will often say how great I am and encourage me to take care of myself.
Of course that all goes away in the end, but really there is no need for me
to be dependent on others for permission to take good care of myself. One
of my goals is to become great at guilt free self care.
We deserve this time. Heck, we deserve medals for surviving being with Narcs for so long. We are special people, and it's time we treated ourselves as special. I'm just now regaining my strength - both physically and mentally. But through the grace of God, I feel better every day.
Hang in there.
xoxoxo
I still have so much trouble with making self-care a priority.
You know, the funny thing is that I've learned most of my self-
care ideas from watching narcissists take such impeccable care
of themselves.
The sheer time it takes to take care of our health, our houses,
our children, our careers, our hobbies, our social life, precludes
the idea of taking time to care for the narcissists needs or letting
them suck us dry with their emotional neediness/and or abuse.
There is just not enough time in anyone's day for that.
When they ask us to do them favors, listen to their problems, etc,
without reciprocation, it is a real travesty, and now I know, after
watching the narcs in action, that they purposely ask me to do the
dirty work so that it frees up more time for them to enjoy their lives.