How nice to hear.
You say to look in places where they are likely to be found.
Can you elaborate on this?

Well for me, I am into sustainability and doing well by doing good, so for example, I go to Green Chamber of Commerce meetings and conferences on these topics. I also tend to go to intellectual and metaphysical events for thinking people who are curious. I've met more than a few round and about, including at my local coffee shop, just talking with strangers. I recently sat next to one on an airplane and when I found out what he was about, we had a really great talk. I met another at a writer's workshop where people (often with hard stories) go to learn to better tell their tale. Just going to place for people who care about what I care about and being open to talking with people.

I met my current relationship partner over the internet via a search on common interests, and followed up on that.

I am into sports too, and so can meet people at these types of events. But then there is a higher risk of Ns due to their focus on body, so you have to sort out the genuine people from the showoffs.

I would think in general caring people might be found in many obvious places including pet rescue groups, caring professions, teachers, New Age groups, charitable events (once found myself amid hundreds of bikers worried about gangs and they were there to celebrate breast cancer research, wearing some pink even!), projects to help people or beautify places, school volunteers, etc. I would be somewhat careful at religious events and even charities because sometimes you get the "guru" type Ns or even con men. But in general, helpful caring people go to events where people are helpful or they want to do some good in the world.

Hope that helps.

I could clarify:

The man on the airplane spent a good deal of his adult life helping children in Africa.

One of the common interests that initially interested me in my current relationship partner was his illuminating bad behavior in the business world, and providing certain types of insight about it, insights that I also was familiar with but that are not commonly understood. So in his way, he was out there trying to help the world.

One man I met at the coffee shop is a sort of "the doctor is in" type for a lot of people, who I suspect live alone or spend a lot of time alone. Helping in a different sort of way, and sociable.

So these are some examples.

The proof is in the pudding for me. I believe actions more than words. If someone is committed to helping and caring, they DO things that put this into action. Myself included.

That is how I look for someone truly caring.

I kind of like the appeal of internet dating in the idea of a smorgasboard of people to potentially pick to meet. But after the stories I have heard of how many Ns, Ps, and otherwise troubled people are out there, I am afraid to go that route.

Oh and some of the athletes are involved in getting kids moving type charities and helping underprivileged kids from inner cities gain greater access to more types of sports. They donate their time and money to help, and provide inspiration and mentorship or big brother/big sister type opportunities. Giving of themselves and their time. And some of these are international calibre athletes.

Oh another group was to help develop city gardens for the homeless to work in and eat from. So many ways to find people who genuinely like to help.

Good advice :) thanks :) and great to hear you're in a loving place.

Post N it's hard to feel even slightly desirable.

Post B the idea of self love is almost laughable.

That is what they do to us.

And when I realise that I can feel my strength trying to come back because I will not let them win.

All the way I feel has been dumped on me like a sack of manure. It's not even mine, or yours.

The very idea of dating, which to me means 'being lied to fit sex, make me shut down.

That's ok for the moment. Though when I do feel like it again, I wouldn't know where to begin. I really like your suggestions, very pro-active and enjoyable things to do anyway :)

Love & light to you xxx

I have been in a relationship for six months and all seems to be going fine (so far). After I left my ex, I decided that relationships were really not for me, and I embarked on a journey of inner discovery for two years. I was happy in myself and totally not looking for a partner. And then one day I met a guy who I initially didn't consider dating, we were just friends, we used to talk all the time and eventually he professed to having feelings for me. I still felt incredibly damaged and afraid to attach myself to another person. I didn't feel like I had anything to offer him but he refused to give up on me. He is the kindest, most gentle in spirit man I have ever known, and despite my insecurities, he seems to want to make things work.

I have known that feeling of being numb. It takes time to get back to you. I joined a ski club and took a few night courses at a University. Being out and about - sharing laughs with others heals me. I started to realize I had energy again and wanted to take day trips, etc.

You will be fine. I also rode my bike all around our small town daily. Guess the fresh air helped!