It's hard not to be terrified of the next relationship after the N. The best thing you can do is educate yourself about narcissism and the red flags that come with it and make a pact with yourself that if you see those red flags you will not dismiss them, you will leave.

I recently met a guy online that I thought seemed promising, but there were red flags. Big ones. He constantly talked about marriage and children and asked me a zillion questions about when I wanted to be married, how soon, how soon would I want kids, how many kids did I want, where did I want to be married, did I want family and friends to be there, etc. This is fine in and of itself as all relationships eventually get around to these questions if that is what both people are ultimately looking for. But he was slotting me into a space on his agenda and applying pressure already...and he hadn't even asked me on a date yet! He had asked all these marriage and kids questions and seemed to fit me into his agenda somewhere and yet he barely knew me, he asked very few questions about ME. It wasn't until I started distancing myself by responding less and less to his texts that he finally suggested we meet. I never replied to him. I received one more message after that which I completely ignored as well. He hasn't contacted me since and even on the dating site where I met him I will see he's online but he won't contact me. Which is just fine by me, I was worried he might bombard me with messages and try to lovebomb me or something. But I think part of him realizes that I am onto him so he's going to look for easier prey.

This is what I mean by watching for the red flags. Some of them are big and others a little smaller but they all lead to the same place. A place we don't want to be. So make sure you always honour yourself first. If something someone says or does makes you uncomfortable, or makes alarms go off in your head, or makes you question what's going on...drop them and move on to find someone who doesn't make those things happen.

My God Princess....he texted you on Christmas Day??? That is one painful memory. So sorry that this happened to you. It is amazing to me how cruel these type of men can go without a thought of what they are doing to another person. And here you are, a year later...you survived it.

Went to my therapist for the second time now, thanks to your suggestion. I feel that I am on a better road towards recovery. You were right. I have a story about my ex-husband N. Something that happened this week that I thought would not ever happen. My N, if you remember my posts, never brought me to a hospital or visited or brought me home four times during my marriage because he was giving me the "Silent Treatment" over one fight or another. Those dates and memories are etched in my mind.

I found out through his sister (who is back in ICU with cancer) that he had a Quadruple Bypass on November 3rd. This is a man that never visited anyone in a hospital, and showed no feelings when I took care of my dying parents for 18 months. Now the man, who gave nothing is in trouble. Maybe the memory of not giving to anyone entered his mind, or maybe he is just vain, but I hear that he wouldn't allow his children or his girlfriend to see him for the last two days. Maybe because that Toupee had to come off his head and no one has seen him bald!!!! Okay, I am bad!!!

But finally Karma has hit "The Man". Now he knows how it feels to be in pain, and to lay in a hospital room. Maybe now his life flashed before his eyes.

Believe me, I have no intentions of calling him or visiting. But I hear his first wife might. when he allows. I am not that forgiving. But I just feel that it is not my place anymore. He has a girlfriend, and she now can take care of him. He has to come in a few days and begin the long journey of recovery and thank God it's not going to be me, running around healing him. I did that for over a decade. Did he appreciate it? No.
But now I have a date to remember,...November 3rd...the day that "The Man" was brought to his knees.