Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
... The 5th of November.
Ah yes. A year ago now you asked me to marry you. I said yes. After the fifth time of asking.
Just to be sure you meant it.
Not even two months later, you dumped me by text on Christmas Day.
The 'relatuonship' weirdly limped on another three months.
On valentines day, you sent me roses telling me you loved me.
Just two weeks later, you dumped me again.
What were your words?
Oh yes. ' I can't sustain this '.
You never spoke to me again. You ignored my frantic calls. My sense of abandonment.
So yes I remember remember the 5th of November.
But not for fireworks. For Lies.
I've just met someone else. And I'm terrified.
What if he does the same?
Thanks for the memories Narcissist.
Ah yes. A year ago now you asked me to marry you. I said yes. After the fifth time of asking.
Just to be sure you meant it.
Not even two months later, you dumped me by text on Christmas Day.
The 'relatuonship' weirdly limped on another three months.
On valentines day, you sent me roses telling me you loved me.
Just two weeks later, you dumped me again.
What were your words?
Oh yes. ' I can't sustain this '.
You never spoke to me again. You ignored my frantic calls. My sense of abandonment.
So yes I remember remember the 5th of November.
But not for fireworks. For Lies.
I've just met someone else. And I'm terrified.
What if he does the same?
Thanks for the memories Narcissist.
This week I've been focusing on the fact that the Ns new relationship has lasted a year. I've been looking for how, why and waiting for it to fall or sink like the Titanic. Today I realized that I should have been celebrating the fact that he's been out of my life for a year (other than the attempted contacts and talking about he money he owes me). I need to retrain my brain. Where would I be today if I had continued to look the other way, come to his aid yet again, answered those late night calls, continued to excuse his behavior, follow his lead and act as though nothing happened. Never demanding explanation or apology, never voicing my feelings or displeasure. I am by no means where I want to be in this process but I know I am better, much better than I was a year ago. So many things have improved. I have made good progress. You have too.
The memories are vivid and painful and run deep but keeping the person that has the ability to cut you down and takes pleasure in it runs deeper. I know it's cliche but they did us a favor, they actually did the right thing by letting us go.
Only time can tell if that man is worth it, if he is consistent and kind and good to you . . . you will know. The narcs are not consistent It's a roller coaster, it's up and down, it's nice guy nasty guy, it's contradictory messages . . A man who one month can propose marriage and next month reneges on this is not genuine, he is playing games, immature.
Stronger, yes you are so right, to be released from the narcissist is the best thing - the healthiest thing- for us all. PL I can completely empathise with you when it comes to the pain of the off - on previous relationship, the contradictory messages about something as significant and emotional as marriage. It's a huge commitment and it says a lot about the depth of love you felt for this man, the hardest thing to comprehend is how they just don't feel that depth of emotion. That something so significant to us could be just an empty gesture to them.
I was so happy when my ex proposed, of course we start to dream, to make plans in our head about the future, we are committed. We are giving more and more of ourselves. Which is why it becomes so painful when the discard arrives, confusing and traumatic. None of it makes sense to a kind, normal person.
Take things slowly with the new guy, you are an intelligent and strong woman, he will show you if he is worthy xx