Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Now,I have a hard time holding it together as is,but this was witnessed by a coworker,me trying to keep him outside the school, walking away and saying that now isn't the time. She came over to comfort me and placed her hand on my shoulder. I jumped and froze. responded in a non-grateful way. The next day she asked if I wanted to go get a drink and gripe about our ex-partners. I almost couldn't breath. The anxiety over took me. Now I am working on how to find a way to explain that it is completely me that cannot be in crowded places,loud places. Not the offer that was being turned away. That physically I am unable to be in those situations without having panic attacks. That getting through the workday is about all I can handle, and some days I can't even handle that.
livelife, I am so sorry your ex wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He sounds like such a jerk. I completely understand how you feel in crowds and loud places. I sometimes have problems just going to Walmart or the grocery store when there are lots of customers and they're crowded. Sending you a big (((HUG))) and hope you're feeling better!
I will say that a good night sleep does make the next day go so much better. Walmart always causes me anxiety. I think it is the fluorescent lights and the openness of the store. It is too white and artificially bright.
My sleep patterns and how tired I was and how much I laid in bed was my dirty little secret for years that I KEPT HIDDEN from my family and friends by covering up and not disclosing my sleeping 12 hours a day and still not being 'NORMAL' during my awake hours.
I AM so grateful to be off of that shame spiral/depression/feeling of unworthiness wheel just because I couldn't sleep like a 'NORMAL" person. Every time I Looked into PTSD I knew that was my thing. Especially when dissociating was being described and then further explained how it make a person tired afterwards.
Of course I didn't see a doctor about it because it was my dirty shameful secret and I was already disappointed with them because they only treat symptoms and not causes of disease so I sought out alternative healing modalities for myself.
My Nfather was an abusive asshole. I stopped living with him day to day when I was 13 years old. Finally I came to a place in my life where he could stop disappointing me when I was in my mid-30's. I keep it very superficial and shallow with him and that works. And no visit longer than 4 hours, please!
Thanks for letting me share. Hugs to all the bad sleepers out there!
Crystalcave, that is sort of interesting the way you refer to your sleep problems; "my dirty shameful secret". It really sucks, that we have to pretend SO HARD. In other words, our experiences and our individual selves are "not what is important" but only the public persona we put out there. That really has overtones of training or association of "N thought" (or training) to me, although actually overall, it IS what "polite society" also demands.
I used to (before the beginning of the first "end") look in the mirror at myself and feel sort of contemptuous. Of others or myself I don't know. I didn't share my past (shames) with others, though I had told the N about some. I don't know where the contempt came from; I don't normally feel that about people around me ... I don't "hang out" with people who would give me that feeling! So in retrospect, I even question whether that wasn't a projective ID from the N. But I WAS getting the feeling that I wasn't "living with integrity" and it was making me physically and otherwise sick and anxious.
I know I woke up yesterday from a nightmare, but I couldn't capture even one memory of what it was about. Seemed like there was a wall between waking/sleeping states.
I don't take anything for sleep per se, but I do take medicine that helps me with "social anxiety". Basically, it calms all the physical responses to stress. Clonidine; it is a BP medicine normally. I don't notice any major side effects, though it can be a bit sedating or something similar (not sure of the right word). It really helps though with the pounding heart, breathlessness and feeling of "I have to pee!" that I get when I am overwhelmed with anxety.
My youngest has panic attacks and often takes Benedryl to help her sleep. Lately, though, she has been using melatonin and it really helps her. I don't know ... does anyone have experience with melatonin and whether they notice a difference?
Peace and healing to us all. I wouldn't wish the stuff we go through on my worst enemy!
i am gonna use another essential oil, but i do use lavender as a perfume. how could i get a good night's sleep when i always seem to go to bed pissed off or stressed out? even my ex therapist said i have symptoms of PTSD yet my primary care couldn't even pinpoint why i am so stressed out daily. it's like shit, think of why a person would be that stressed and what kind of environment are they in fool! simple questions to ask.
It was when my daughter and I were sleeping on the two couches in the living room for a bit ... and started seeing "how" we each were "sleeping" ... and the other daughter, too, was sleeping in her bed but was complaining ... we deduced the problems through conversation and observing what was going on.
I'm just wondering if you have ever worked "with" your dreams/nightmares. I started keeping a dream journal and kept it going several years ... during the first N break and then, after the first divorce. It helped me as I could see themes repeated over and over again ... and certain people as "characters". Plus, having had a nightmare before ever going out with N originally, if I had been more in tune with the communication within me and I wouldn't have gone out ... life would definitely be different, that's for sure!