Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Hi, all! I was reading about home-wrecker "triangles" the other day and eventually, I found an article on a site which also had this article about habits and comfort zones and how to cope and make changes. There are other relationship articles there; although I didn't check out the site super thoroughly. I thought this article is short enough and succinct and pretty well covers a lot of things we need to/can be doing, whether we are struggling with our back and forth feelings, NC, "settling" things as the N exits our lives and as we realize that different habits might lead us to better results and life, instead of back to insanity with new scenery and props!
I think this part of the article bears repeating, until you REALIZE what is happening when you start to miss the N, wonder if you made a BIG mistake, start worrying or worse, hyperventilating as you worry ... or even when you start to feel in the doldrums, think the future will be a bust (yours, anyways, as you tell yourself and then maybe even start caving with some unhealthy "coping" techniques (Wish I could BOLD the following) : Because those thoughts are so ingrained and reinforced by "us" over time, they become habit-forming. Because they're familiar and comfortable ways for us to live out our days, doesn't mean that they're good for us. As humans, we naturally radiate to our comfort level; good or bad.
***********************************************************************************************************************
http://www.cheateralert.com/articles/seven-ways-to-knock-bad-habits-out-cold.aspx
Seven Ways To Knock Bad Habits Out Cold
Because our habits are familiar and comfortable ways for us to live out our days, doesn't mean that they're good for us. Humans radiate to the usual path. Time to break free.
Ever heard the saying that "we're our own worst enemies"? Well, believe it or not it's the realistic truth. But the good news is that with a little bit of self de-programming, we can kick those bad habits that hold us back. Whether it's procrastinating by putting off till tomorrow what we could easily accomplish today or being pessimistic instead of optimistic. Because those thoughts are so ingrained and reinforced by "us" over time, they become habit-forming. Because they're familiar and comfortable ways for us to live out our days, doesn't mean that they're good for us. As humans, we naturally radiate to our comfort level; good or bad. But if you want to turn it around, just follow these six must-have rules:
Say I Can instead of I Can't - By taking the bull by the horns, in a proverbial sense, you are changing your course. Your newly found self-confidence will begin to open doors that you never thought were possible. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you will share a success only known by those who take those small risks. Being successful isn't about being the smartest or the most talented; it's about believing you can do it.
Stop dwelling on negatives - Don't treat yourself so badly and disrespect yourself anymore. Whenever you feel a negative creeping up on you; replace it with a positive. Make a conscious resolution that the good thoughts are going to take the place of the bad and before you know it, they'll be coming to you automatically. Spending your time and energies on positively charged thoughts will keep you invigorated and on your toes.
Find something that you love…AND DO IT! - We all need a boost from time to time; find something that you enjoy, and that you are good at. The confidence will radiate out in your life to other areas. You'll be happier and healthier because of it. Whether it's a quiet process like meditation or you prefer to live on the edge by taking up skydiving; you need to do it.
Get physical to get rid of the stress! - If you find yourself feeling frustrated or angry, then it's time to replace those negatives with some nice good feeling endorphins that are automatically released when you exercise. Anxiety and stress cause a host of problems, not the least being your irritation and short-fuse. Time to kick those stressors to the curb and take control of them rather then letting them get the better of you.
Stand up for number 1…YOU! - Stop being the people pleaser. It's great to make others happy, but what about you? Often when our own needs constantly take a back seat, we're left feeling angry and resentful. We're certainly not happy OR pleasing ourselves. Time to find a balance that you can live with and what you can't. Just a note: you'll be a happier more content person to be around too.
Put off procrastinating - If you lie to yourself and tell yourself that you work better under pressure then you need to re-think. Often lead by a fear of failure, the procrastinator will overestimate the time they have left to perform tasks, underestimate the time it would take to finish them and then overestimate their motivation when it comes to judging how they'll feel when the time comes to complete it. Imagine putting that time and energy that it takes just worrying about putting something off. Now imagine yourself using that same time and energy and completing the task early! Put away the cell phone, your tweets, Facebook and texts can be put aside for the short time it would take to complete your task on time.
Let someone else do it - Learn to be a designator of chores and not such a control freak. Focus on what counts rather than what you "think" counts. Often the things a controller tries to control are not the things that really and truly matter. Lower your standards and let other people share in tasks. The thing about setting your standards so high is that nobody but yourself could possibly live up to the standards. So R-E-L-A-X and breathe. Someone else is capable of doing things too and that will leave you more time to work on practising steps 1-6.
Most physicians and psychologists agree that it takes your brain about 30 days to accept new changes, so hang in there and keep on thinking positive thoughts. Find a mantra that you can repeat to yourself throughout the day that makes you feel good about the positive changes that you're making.
I think this part of the article bears repeating, until you REALIZE what is happening when you start to miss the N, wonder if you made a BIG mistake, start worrying or worse, hyperventilating as you worry ... or even when you start to feel in the doldrums, think the future will be a bust (yours, anyways, as you tell yourself and then maybe even start caving with some unhealthy "coping" techniques (Wish I could BOLD the following) : Because those thoughts are so ingrained and reinforced by "us" over time, they become habit-forming. Because they're familiar and comfortable ways for us to live out our days, doesn't mean that they're good for us. As humans, we naturally radiate to our comfort level; good or bad.
***********************************************************************************************************************
http://www.cheateralert.com/articles/seven-ways-to-knock-bad-habits-out-cold.aspx
Seven Ways To Knock Bad Habits Out Cold
Because our habits are familiar and comfortable ways for us to live out our days, doesn't mean that they're good for us. Humans radiate to the usual path. Time to break free.
Ever heard the saying that "we're our own worst enemies"? Well, believe it or not it's the realistic truth. But the good news is that with a little bit of self de-programming, we can kick those bad habits that hold us back. Whether it's procrastinating by putting off till tomorrow what we could easily accomplish today or being pessimistic instead of optimistic. Because those thoughts are so ingrained and reinforced by "us" over time, they become habit-forming. Because they're familiar and comfortable ways for us to live out our days, doesn't mean that they're good for us. As humans, we naturally radiate to our comfort level; good or bad. But if you want to turn it around, just follow these six must-have rules:
Say I Can instead of I Can't - By taking the bull by the horns, in a proverbial sense, you are changing your course. Your newly found self-confidence will begin to open doors that you never thought were possible. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you will share a success only known by those who take those small risks. Being successful isn't about being the smartest or the most talented; it's about believing you can do it.
Stop dwelling on negatives - Don't treat yourself so badly and disrespect yourself anymore. Whenever you feel a negative creeping up on you; replace it with a positive. Make a conscious resolution that the good thoughts are going to take the place of the bad and before you know it, they'll be coming to you automatically. Spending your time and energies on positively charged thoughts will keep you invigorated and on your toes.
Find something that you love…AND DO IT! - We all need a boost from time to time; find something that you enjoy, and that you are good at. The confidence will radiate out in your life to other areas. You'll be happier and healthier because of it. Whether it's a quiet process like meditation or you prefer to live on the edge by taking up skydiving; you need to do it.
Get physical to get rid of the stress! - If you find yourself feeling frustrated or angry, then it's time to replace those negatives with some nice good feeling endorphins that are automatically released when you exercise. Anxiety and stress cause a host of problems, not the least being your irritation and short-fuse. Time to kick those stressors to the curb and take control of them rather then letting them get the better of you.
Stand up for number 1…YOU! - Stop being the people pleaser. It's great to make others happy, but what about you? Often when our own needs constantly take a back seat, we're left feeling angry and resentful. We're certainly not happy OR pleasing ourselves. Time to find a balance that you can live with and what you can't. Just a note: you'll be a happier more content person to be around too.
Put off procrastinating - If you lie to yourself and tell yourself that you work better under pressure then you need to re-think. Often lead by a fear of failure, the procrastinator will overestimate the time they have left to perform tasks, underestimate the time it would take to finish them and then overestimate their motivation when it comes to judging how they'll feel when the time comes to complete it. Imagine putting that time and energy that it takes just worrying about putting something off. Now imagine yourself using that same time and energy and completing the task early! Put away the cell phone, your tweets, Facebook and texts can be put aside for the short time it would take to complete your task on time.
Let someone else do it - Learn to be a designator of chores and not such a control freak. Focus on what counts rather than what you "think" counts. Often the things a controller tries to control are not the things that really and truly matter. Lower your standards and let other people share in tasks. The thing about setting your standards so high is that nobody but yourself could possibly live up to the standards. So R-E-L-A-X and breathe. Someone else is capable of doing things too and that will leave you more time to work on practising steps 1-6.
Most physicians and psychologists agree that it takes your brain about 30 days to accept new changes, so hang in there and keep on thinking positive thoughts. Find a mantra that you can repeat to yourself throughout the day that makes you feel good about the positive changes that you're making.
deleted_user
Great tips.
Join the Conversation